Eating Nemo, without cooking him, is just plain wrong

Image via Dead Zebra, Inc

Last night we had a Jewish GNO (girl's night out) where we get together once a month for dinner. This was my first time being invited to this particular group, so I vowed to be on my best behavior so not to embarrass my friend who invited me [So, who's the red-headed, kid-less jew chick?]

When I got the original invite (via Facebook, where else?) I thought the restaurant was a steakhouse. Upon checking further, it did not serve steak (or "beefy wonder" as my mom calls it, she has strong opinions about meat) rather, it was a Japanese restaurant specializing in fish - the dead kind that's wrapped up to look pretty. YIKES! I considered bailing rather than embarrassing my friend with my horror, but she reassured me via text that they have other things to eat (probably not hot dogs).

When I arrived I was thrilled to see teriyaki chicken on the menu (you know you've been approached in a mall food court by a small Asian woman forcing a meaty toothpick in your face) so I ordered that. AND (oh the delish-ISH glory) MISO SOUP. Yes, I like soup made of bean curd, tofu, spinach and onion. I heart it actually and will eat your bowl should you decide you don't like it.

While the rest of the girls oohed and awwed over the eel rolls and pink fishy goodness - I enjoyed my fully cooked food.

And when they asked me why I didn't eat sushi. I was able to not go into my usual nausea-inducing diatribe, BECAUSE OF TAPEWORMS!!!! YOU LIVE NO WHERE NEAR AN OCEAN AND CHANCES ARE THAT FISH IS NOT UBER FRESH AND CLEAN. HAVE YOU CONSIDERED THE POSSIBILITY THAT WHEN YOU WAKE UP TOMORROW YOU WILL BE FILLED WITH A 9-FOOT WORM AND HAVE PROGLOTTIDS SWARMING AROUND YOUR ANUS? ( even though I've been wishing this on my brother for years, the ignorant little shit!)

No, instead, I pretended not to eat it on vague principal, "I just don't consume raw fish." I held back my educated rant even after one lady made this comment, "I'm sure all of us here, well except you [pointing to me], have read countless parenting books." What-EV, I only worked in pediatrics for years and my hubs is going to be a penis doctor so just because I haven't birthed one doesn't mean I don't know that you're totally bonkers to not vaccinate your kid.

And after watching her pile a big load of uncooked sea life into her mouth, I silently wished havoc on her butthole and proceeded to explain the concept of herd immunity.

Overall, I think it went pretty well for my first outing.

And for you kids at home that don't eat raw fishies - why not mock those who do? (via We Covet)

Britney's converting to Judaism

Lots of people convert to Judaism, so I can't exactly say it's an exclusive club. But I can't imagine a single club, pertaining to anything - let alone religion, that would admit BSpears. Perhaps Narcotics Anonymous, but that's more of a group and a club.

Andy Borowitz wrote a hilarious piece in the New Yorker about Brit's new found quest to join the tribe and documenting it all in her Shalom, diary.

You don’t have to call Jewish people “Jewish people.” It turns out they don’t mind being called plain old “Jews.” LOL.

...I think dating a Jew makes you partly Jewish, and the hotter the Jew the more points. Dating Jason wins me two points (tho I would get way more if I was dating that über-hot Jew in Maroon 5). Dating someone you met on JDate and basically just settled for gets you no points. (Snap!!!)

...Jews aren’t supposed to answer the doorbell on Saturdays.” And I’m like, “Hello, isn’t that the Amish?” He seriously needs to check his facts!!! Anyway, I’m donezo with this whole Jewish thing.

I can't take this seriously, so I'm going to pretend it's not happening. I can't wait until John Stewart gets a hold of this one...

ha! remember when my obnoxious cousin thought I was Mormon or a member of the Jackson family?

**ALSO! ALSO! Tune in tomorrow when I blog swap with Iris as part of 20 Something Bloggers BLOG SWAP**

My Favorite Things - Edition #8

My favorite Jewish Holiday is Passover

Why not sit down for a meal with the family and tell the story of our heritage?

Finding the Afikomen (matzah) gets you a prize!

Eating parsley and gefilte fish isn't THAT bad, and charoset is DE-lish!

Had Gadya has the craziest lyrics and best tune EVER! Seriously, LISTEN!

Obama held the first ever Seder at the White House (Heeb magazine quote: "This will mark the first Presidential seder ever to be held in the White House. We’re looking forward to photos of Sasha and Malia reading from the Haggadah and Rahm Emanuel and Hillary fighting over the Afikomen.")

HERE are six other things about Passover from a guy named after hot dogs!

April showers bring snow, ants, diarrhea and misery - there's a slogan for ya!

This week brought the stomach flu

I had to surrender a beautiful filet and ice cream sundae to my husband (see previous statement)

It snowed

AND.

BETTER.

YET.

We accidentally stood up OUR RABBI and his ENTIRE family for Seder last night.

Wow, standing up the Rabbi – now that’s the highlight of my week.

Don’t worry, we marked it on the calendar for NEXT year that Jewish holidays start THE EVENING BEFORE THE ACTUAL HOLIDAY. Oh wait, excuse me, my palm is beeping… “Seder at the Rabbi’s House Tonight”… thanks for that reminder. [throw cell phone]

Also:

The blind guy was booted off American Idol

I have cramps

I've had nothing but soy yogurt, Gatorade and magic soup for three days and haven't lost a single pound.

My loser ex boyfriend from 1994 friended me on Facebook (*newsflash* he's still a loser; but I'm hot, married and successful so I friended him anyway)

There were ants all over our kitchen counter this morning

My family is coming on Sunday to celebrate my birthday. I wanted to make reservations for dinner… but forgot…it’s Easter and places are closed. WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Frick!

Dear week,

I hate you. Please go away and let me forget you ever existed.

Thank you,
Tam


The *bright* side:

My Proactive came in the mail yesterday

Economic times have forced Nicholas Cage to sell his castle. Thankfully, he has another one (hint: I've always wanted a castle)

My Caffeine test strips came in the mail yesterday

My husband was awarded a scholarship

Kal Penn was killed off House to work for OBAMA. The good news is: he's no longer permitted to make Harold and Kumar movies.

All of my fingernails are long and painted pink

Easter candy goes on sale on Monday

My husband is adorable when he cuddles my cat AND he drove 20 minutes out of his way last night to get me a Truffle Blizzard(R) that I saw on TV - only to bring it home and have me take three bites and let the rest melt. (seriously, murdering me would have been quicker and cheaper)

I'm getting my birthday present in THREE DAYS

Everyone misses their snowman eventually

I am totally content with my decision to convert to Judaism 11 months out of the year, but this last month is the absolute hardest. Not because I miss Jesus, Santa or wise men; the only men I really miss are the SNOWmen. When I moved away for college I started a collection of ornaments of my very own. Each year I decorated my tree with snowmen ornaments of glass and glitter. I was always sort of a 'secular holiday girl' and sent out generic wishes of "Enjoy the Season" or "Peace on Earth." Planned Parenthood used to print holiday cards each year, so I'd send those out to spite my family to support a good cause. I remember driving down the main street of my small Ohio college town and seeing huge snowflakes hung on the light posts. One afternoon whispers of snow rushed past me as I gazed at the festive lights and I was filled with warmth and joy. I told myself I would remember that feeling forever.

I now have dozens of snowman trinkets waiting to trim a fresh pine tree and 27 years of Christmas memories swirling in my heart. The concept of a "Hanukkah Bush" is severely frowned upon, so I am forced to give up my lovelies. Jews say that celebrating Christmas with kids is like taking a 2 year-old to a birthday party: they think it's their birthday. I don't want my future children to be confused but the fact of the matter is that, i.am.confused. Even Stephen Spielberg wanted a Christmas Tree! I am feeling shameful for listening to Christmas music in my car and wondering how I can be a good Jew and still embrace the UNignorable festivities of the season. Peppermint flavored treats, twinkling lights, warm mittens and holiday cheer.

This weekend I will proudly hang my snowman shower curtain (also adorned with rolly polly scarfed penguins and bears) and place a fuzzy snowman toilet rug. These things bring a smile to my sleepy face as I flip on the light each winter morning. I bought some Hanukkah cookie cutters and will make lakes this year for the very first time. The bottom line is that Hanukkah sucks is incomparable. Even if Christmas is someone else's holiday, until I have a four year-old asking to sit on Santa's lap, I'm gonna celebrate it. At least with a snowman rug and a menorah cookie.

My Favorite Things Edition - #3

Hanukkah Gift Giving Ideas. 8 Crazy Nights. Happy Friday.



















A snowman tee, $19















The Good Card is a gift card where the recipient gets to donate to their charity of choice. (Thanks Kevin Bacon!)

Speaking of bacon....















Bacon for your boo boo, $9

and for your Kosher friends...


















Juno's cheesburger phone, $26


















Smartwool (socks or) Flower Mitt, $22 (I heart these so bad)

or my all-time favorite gift to give...




















Year subscription to Martha's Everyday Food, $12

For that single guy on your Hanukkah list...













Dating advice from a 9-year old, $9.99

and last but not least...


















A solar powered dreidle, $70
(j/k, it's not solar powered but it is $70!)


Shabbat Shalom!

Hypocrisy is awesome when I do it

I hate that Christmas is trying to upstage Halloween.
How rude to Halloween!

Ornaments can wait until the candy corn is on sale.
I bought a CD today.
It is a Christmas CD.
I'm Jewish and I love Halloween, but tonight I will be cleaning my entire house... to Christmas music.

There. I. confessed.

Ram's horn and pooh crumbs makes for a "sweet" new year!

Yesterday was Rosh Hashanah and I took a vacation day. It is weird to have to take “vacation” to observe a religious holiday, and it makes me wonder that if Easter Sunday fell on Tuesday… would we work? Being Jewish is nice, particularly right now because of the learning curve – it’s steep people, very steep. Last year [my first year as a Jew] we went to the evening Rosh Hashanah services, this year we went to the day time services. Big differences. The holiday encompasses the creation of the world and the beginning of a new yearly cycle, and the recognition of the seventh new month as the time when individuals, nations, and indeed all humankind are judged. Rosh Hashanah is a time for reflection and prayer and also a time to contemplate those we have wronged and give our sins to God. I read a blog that said Rosh Hashana is a nice way of saying “Screw Up Less Often.” This is what we did – I know it sounds fun, but Jews don’t proselytize so if this makes you want to be one, keep it to yourself because we’re not recruiting.

1.Slept in

2.Had to park in a swamp because the temple lot was full

3.Cleaned mud out from between my toes in the bathroom with three other women

4.Got to say L’Shanah Tova [kind of like Happy New year, literal translation “for a good year”] to lots of people and they understood me!

5.The Torah portion was about how Abraham almost sacrificed his son Isaac. This year's interpretation of the passage can be summed up like this: Sometimes parents are too attached to their children and need to let go. God encourages this by implying human sacrifice.

6.Blowing of the Shofar. Can I just tell you I blew my first shofar on Saturday night at “The Shofar Blast” [young adult new year’s celebration at a local bar]and I came in third and won a free martini! I played the trumpet in Jr. High and apparently those skill can be directly applied to mouthing a ram’s horn. Go me! Did I mention husband’s shofar blowing attempt produced only air and spit sounds? Again, Go Me!

7.We took crumbs out of a basket, the crumbs symbolized our sins for the year [I took a large handful] and after a prayer the rabbi tossed the crumbs into the river. Our sins are pollution and if we do not learn from them, we will consume them again in our food and water. Sins = pooh. Okay.

8.We ate apples and honey – how fun is that!? It is traditional to eat apples dipped in honey, to symbolize our hopes for a good and "sweet" new year. Jewish stuff always includes eating, but this is one of my favorites.

9.We had lunch at the Rabbi's house. We are VERY privileged that our Rabbi knows we are limited in the Jewish family department and probably knows I am limited in the Jewish cooking department [cooking in general] so we were invited to lunch. Lunch = several courses of Jewish delicacies prepared by the rabbi's wife, served on fine china. Lunch started at 1:30 ended at 4:30. I had to unbutton my pants when we got in the car. Husband and I also successfully choked down pickled salmon without gagging.

10.Husband and I spent the rest of the evening together. We took a nap [awesome], ate a whole wheat frozen pizza and some honey crisp apples [my current favorite thing about fall] and wrote some wedding thank-you notes.

I heart being a Jew and I think I have always been one deep down. I mean, I harbor Jewish guilt, I can blow the heck out of a Shofar and choke down pickled fish like a pro. I also love not working and I love spending time with my husband - yesterday was a perfect day. I also threw lots of pooh crumbs, so I have a surplus for this upcoming year and although I think that is beside the point [you're supposed to plan on not sinning, rather than making up for the sins you might commit]but I thought I could share them with my friends. Pooh crumbs for all!

L’Shanah Tova! Try to screw up less this year!

Claire picked up junior and stuffed him into a bird house she made at summer camp. It took two monkey wrenches and prayers to get him out.

There are times that cynicism and wit seem like the dark side. Why are all of my ramblings edgy? If someone who didn’t know me read this blog, what on earth would they think of me? They perhaps might say, “Wow, she has a chip on her shoulder” or “Shit, she’s kinda funny” or “Oh no she dinnn’t!” But would they say "Wow, she has a genuine heart and amazing spirit"?? The answer is: Probably not. Don’t get me wrong, I love my blog and I love to randomly vent to the internets about my ear wax secretary and the stupidity of humankind – but I saw a blog yesterday that really made me think.

I was looking at one of my favorite blogs [that even though I am now married, I love to look at her daily inspiration board, you know, for next time around (j/k)] I saw a tribute to a blogger called Stephanie Neilson. She and her husband were recently in a plane crash and they were seriously burned. Support from the blogging community has been amazing and many bloggers have banned together for a blog auction for them and their four small children. Someone even designed some jewelry in her honor, one with a beautiful sparrow. I was sad to hear about such a tragedy, but even more so, curious as to what she could have written on a blog that could have touched so many… and then I went there. She uses pictures to highlight the life of her adorable family. THIS BLOG touched me.

Okay, so you really do need to go look at the pictures, but she had a party for her children who were preparing to go back to school. She made a gourmet dinner for them with their finest china and topped off with a decadent chocolate cake. She had little hand-made banners that said “be prepared” and crafty princess crowns for each of the girls to wear to the party. A small red-haired girl smiles wide in a photo, wearing her crown and a self-beaded necklace. Stephanie writes,

Toasts were made, stories told, goals planned and the girls walked the cat-walk showing off the new school duds in a family fashion show.

If I am blessed with children, this is the kind of mom I want to be. I sat there thinking,
“I’m creative and crafty, but am I THIS creative and THIS crafty?”
“Will I spend that kind of time on something special for my kids with the hustle and bustle of work, marriage, finances…life?”
“When her kids grow up, they will tell people about the parties their mom threw for their back to school.”
“I want my kids to feel that special.”

I even tried to justify, well – she probably doesn’t work and of course! she’s Mormon! [note JCLDS logo to the right of the page.] But then I thought about how a liberal Jew from Ohio was so proud of that Mormon mom from Arizona. To be able to post one blog and have someone across the country know that you are an amazing mom, that’s really something.

So, send your happy thoughts and prayers their way, hopefully her family will be up and playing again soon. And in the meantime, maybe we’ll be less cynical, maybe we’ll take a fresh look at how much life there really is to enjoy and how the people you surround yourself with make you a better person every day. Make it a NieNie Day.

Jewish werewolves do not drive drunk or eat spaghetti!

I learned about a few things today that made me laugh. The first was a reference on Jennie!'s blog to Werewolf Bar Mitzvah. I saw the reference earlier in the week when I visited my favorite tshirt website. Being the good jew that I am, I very much needed to get to the bottom of this. The Tracey Jordon song was referenced on 30 Rock [since I have never seen 30 Rock, this explains why I didn't get it] I found the video today and laughed at the images of little "boys becoming men" note the ending lyrics "This ain't no dick in a box, mazel tov!"

Second thing I laughed at today was actually on Joe's Apartment [Sorry Joe, but I had to steal this.] Spaghetti cat.



I now am obsessed with trying to find something for my cat to do. I really need to start making money off of her. She doesn't pull her own weight [5 lbs.] and with the husband not working, I can use all the help I can get. She eats yogurt [and DH swears she ate a triscut one time] and like five years ago we put bunny ears on her and took her picture [I'll post that later tonight.] I don't think we can get a bib on her because she's kinda squirmy. I don't think she likes hot dogs [criminal I know!] Perhaps we can get her to play Rock Band. I bet she's good at the drums.

no, but paula abdul is jewish...

I am home now. I had the greatest weekend with the fam. After my amazingly fun bday was over there was MORE fun to come. The following day my family threw me a surprise bridal shower!! AND... my best friend from college [who recently relocated to Florida and had a baby] was there!! I was so surprised and happy. Later that night my entire family went bowling with my gpa - he got a strike! My mom on the other hand bowled a 19. True Story.

GPA: Holy cow, this is the best birthday ever. I am the luckiest guy in the world.
Me: you sure are grandpa
GPA: Most guys my age at the VA are drooling in wheelchairs... not bowling! This calls for some tall prayers.

The next day we threw his surprise b-day party and man was he ever surprised! There was lots of food, I played darts [did you know you count down from like 305 or something?] and had lots of conversations. I had a particularly funny interaction with my cousin's husband- we will call him Obnoxiously Funny Cousin-in-law [OFCIL]

OFCIL:So how does it feel to be Mormon?
Me: I'm not Mormon.
OFCIL: I heard you were like Lutheran and Jewish or... doesn't that make mormon?
Me: Umm.
OFCIL: You know, like that family with all the kids?
Me: The Von Trapp family?
OFCIL: Yeah! Wait, no. Like the Jackson's...or something. You know, they sing.
Me: I don't think the Jackson's were Mormon. The Partridge family?
[my mom butts in]: No No the Osmond's
OFCIL: Yeah like them, so are you going to have lots of kids?
Me: I'm not Mormon. I'm Jewish. None of those families are Jewish.
OFCIL: Are you still going to have like five kids?
Me: No.

Oh and guess what, on my way home I sat next to the guy with NO LEGS AGAIN! What the hell are the odds of that?? This time we chatted - come to find out he went to the same elementary school only a year behind me! What?! He was funny,

Me: Do people ask you if you were in the Iraq war.
Him: you know what..YES! I went to Arizona and got asked THREE TIMES!
Me: What do you say?
Him: I just say... No.
Me: And what do they say?
Him: Nothing. It's a short conversation.

He said he was looking to get into higher education administration. I told him WSU has a nationally known handicapped program.

Him: Yeah I know, they have this huge grant from the state and if you are handicapped they practically MAKE you go there.
Me: Wow.
Him: Nah, that's not for me. Handicapped people creep me out.

[I almost said "Me too" but I stopped myself.]

the end. Happy Passover!

The enemy of all of us here in Oz

Yesterday I briefly mentioned my experience with a strange 8 year-old child in my Weekend Top 10. I wanted to elaborate on the little freak show in case any of you were wondering [I know you were all wondering!]

So I teach Hebrew to little nose pickers on Sundays at the temple [the nose picking BTW was in full swing this week and I amused myself by watching where each child placed the slimy boogers they retrieved…chair, corner of dress, oh and mouth…of course!] Anyway, I had a “visitor” child this week. I’m really not even sure why she was in my class but the Rabbi brought her into the classroom and said “this is [child's name], she will be joining your class today” My three girl students just stared at her until I made them introduce themselves. We were making tiny flashcards of the ten plagues [can YOU name them? Vermin, Cattle Disease, Boils, Frogs, Death of the first born son, Hail, Blood, Locusts, Wild Beasts and Darkness] I asked her if she would like to draw some and she said in her 8, er uh, 30 year-old voice, “No, I prefer to watch. Thank You.” My kids looked at me like “WTF?” I just said, “great we’re almost done, so you can watch”. As she watched me draw a frog she says,

Strange Child: “Hm that frog is actually quite good, but I believe your beasts look entirely too friendly.”
Me: “I think it looks mean, its supposed to be the hyena from Lion King.”
Strange Child: [blank stare]

So after she refused to play the Hebrew game and got way to excited over a Capri Sun we were on our way to services. She refused to pick up a prayer card and sat quietly as we waited to begin. Then she says,

Strange Child: excuse me but part of your leg is touching my seat
Me: Oh I’m Sorry
Me to myself: [WTF!? Why am I apologizing to an 8 year-old]

During the Rabbis Torah story he talked about Passover. There are four questions that are asked by children during Passover. The girl looks at me and says,

Strange Child: I like the second child the best
Me: Oh really? Why?
Strange Child: Because, the second child is wicked.

I swear on hot dogs that I saw her eyes light up red! What the hell was wrong with that kid!? I was so creeped out by her. The art teacher came into my room after the kids had left.

Nice Art Teacher: Did you get a strange vibe from that child?
Me: yeah she creeped me out the entire afternoon
Nice Art Techer: she was only in my room for five minutes and she made me uncomfortable

How do you tell a parent their child is the creepiest pink pants freak you’ve ever met and then swear you saw her eyes light up red? Don’t know, so I told her mom it was my pleasure and we enjoyed having her. In retrospect this was probably a good plan, now Chucky's Daughter wont kill me with a licorice rope and a water balloon.

[this post made me want to listen to the WICKED soundtrack. I *heart* that play]

SUPERSTAR is a spin-off about a quirky, socially inept girl

Tonight we are going to temple for Shabbat. We always go to temple on the first Friday of the month. There is a fun laid back family service with a pot luck afterwards. You pay $3, bring a side dish and a bottle of wine, and get all of the fried chicken you can eat. It also happens to be the BEST fried chicken in the world – Chicken Louie’s. For serious people, if you not at risk for myocardial infarction – I highly suggest you try this chicken. We only eat it at temple for two reasons. First, FI has a genetic risk for heart disease so we try to watch it on the deep fried meats and second, we don’t want a cap in our ass. Case in point – if you google this fine restaurant you will find two things:

Restaurant Reviews: “LOUIE'S IS THE BEST CHICKEN IN DAYTON, HATE THAT NOW I'M IN TEXAS!!!!!!!I WISH THEY COULD SHIP IT TO ME” [BTW, Sir, there are lots of reasons to hate Texas and if this is the only one you can think of, then you belong there. P.S. Turn your CAPS LOCK off please. A chicken review is not an emergency and you’re scaring the internets.]

NEWS ARTICLES: Gunman Sought in Chicken Louie’s Shooting

So we go for the chicken and the guitar. What we don’t go for are the mean people. While most everyone at temple is wonderful, there are a few people that we are at war with because they are buttholes. Sheer, unadulterated loathing I tell you. Actually there has never been a verbal sparring, we dont talk at all, but I have pulled a Mary Katherine Gallager on their ass.

Grandma Gallagher: Mary Katherine, what are you doing?
Mary Katherine Gallagher: I'm using my telekineses to kill the girl who poured pig's blood on me at the prom.

FI: Mary Katherine, er,uh, Tam, what are you doing?
Me: I'm using my telekineses to kill the girl who gave me the stink eye at temple.

Father Ritley: Mary Katherine, what was that horrible thing you said to Sister Eileen?
Mary Katherine Gallagher: I told her to move her big white butt or I would cold cock her honky ass.

Rabbi: Mary Katherine, er uh, Tam, what was that horrible thing you said to [girls name]?
Me: I told her if she ever said another word about my FI and how she thinks he’s not Jewish, I will make her asshole wish that a menorah only had ONE light... EIGHT times over!]

I thought of this around Hanukkah of course. I say these things out loud in the car on my way to temple. That way, when I get there, I can behave myself.

I'm looking into anger management. Shabbat Shalom!

now I lay me down to sleep

Another happy Friday during lent. I remember back in the day [B.J. – or before Judaism which officially cast its spell upon me with a naked bath on 8.22.07] when I was a Christian, I actually liked giving up stuff for lent. I always gave up specific things that I knew I could accomplish like doughnuts or soup. One of FI’s friends gave up his BED for lent – now that guy really loved Jesus. I looked at it as a fun challenge and told myself every time I had the will power to give something up that I was actually honoring Jesus. I have heard mixed reviews about the origin of this practice, one being that back in ye old day the Catholic church acted as a catalyst for the fish industry – if that’s the case those bishops need to find a way to boost the housing market of the 21st century! I’ve also heard that the practice symbolizes the suffering that Jesus endured on the week of his passing. I have some vegetarian friends and they hardly compare their daily existance to the Passion of the Christ so I’ve concluded its crazy talk. Even though I am now a member of the chosen tribe and happily ate ham for breakfast today, I do think I think I made HIM proud a friday or two in my time. In college, the local McDonalds offered 99 cent fish sandwiches on Fridays [What the February?!].[I love the people who think that eating a fish sandwhich is healthy for you – because its fish. Riiight folks. Dream on**, anything topped with cheese and a creamy white sauce should have a black box warning “myocardial infarction ahead”.] I just so happened to love the greasy, fried, cheesy mess that is a Mc-Fishy so I would wait in a snaking drive through line each Friday – to honor Him… with a side of fries.

Shabbat Shalom!

**McDonalds Filet-O-Fish® calories 420; calories from fat 240

is that part of your face or is it me

Today is Ash Wednesday - do you know how many times in college I told someone they had dirt on their forehead? Too many.

Granted in my defense most were tiny Asian girls wearing hello kitty earings and riding bicycles with red baskets. Jesus really does love everyone.

I was always destined to be Jewish...