simply irresistible

While watching Vampire Diaries on the DVR.

Hubs: Don't you think if you're a vampire, making out with a human is kind of like making out with an ice cream sandwich and not eating it?

Me: Um, I guess...

Hubs: It DEFINITELY is.

Vampires, chocolate and toy guitars

I cannot remember the last time I had THIS MANY TV crushes (maybe the days of the original 90210 and Melrose Place?) Perhaps it's my raging hormones or the fact that I have been on "pelvic rest" (draw your own conclusions) for five weeks now with no end in sight - but these men are just de-lish-ish. I am making my husband watch the shows while I swoon over these guys. See pelvic rest comment, followed by the hormonal wife swooning over TV guys and know that I have an amazingly understanding husband. One NONE of these guys can hold a candle to, but it's okay to drool over the runners up when you have the real thing rubbing your back every night, isn't it?

And while Matt Lauer is my first eye candy of the day, these are my prime time staples. Be prepared to change your undies ladies... (even their names are AH-DORABLE)

4. Grayson Ellis [Cougar Town] - he is a sexy neighbor who owns a bar and plays a little girl's guitar with tiny pink flowers on it.



3. Stefan Salvatore [Vampire Diaries] - My very first teen vampire crush. He has smokey dark eyes, a ripped body and just happens to be a mysterious (good guy) vampire. Nuff said.



2. Will Schuester [Glee] - um, have you seen this video? The voice, the curls - yes please.



1. Taye Diggs [Private Practice or anything else staring Taye Diggs even the Miss Piggy Disney World commercial] Pure chocolaty goodness. Did I mention he can sing too?



Runners Up: The entire cast of Big Bang Theory. Nerd love at it's best.



Now tell me, who are YOUR TV crushes?

Apparently they're like gremlins, only richer

Today is MLK day and to celebrate the occasion my mom and I watched The Great Debaters last night. A very racially charged movie and somehow the moral totally went over my head. I'm blaming it on my current condition making it impossible for me to concentrate or see the deeper meaning in things - but in all honesty - I don't think I ever would have gotten it.

When I clicked on the tube this morning, hoping for a nice hefty dose of Matt Lauer, all I found was blahbabbity blah about the golden globes. The most dissapointing critque of the awards as reported by NBC analysts: stars didn't take enough risks with their hair. They kept going on and on about how people with naturally nappy hair had a REALLY bad night, while Julia Roberts slapped on a casual black dress, chunky gold necklace and rocked finger waves like a princess. So the stars wore ribbons for Haiti yet bitched about getting wet? Seriously?

I forced hubs to watch the globes last night (with DVR buffer) and I seriously think it was the worst awards show I've ever seen. These were the take-away points:

1. Ricky Gervais is not funny.

2. The foreign press is mentally challenged. Which is the ONLY explanation for The Hangover winning best comedy (worst.movie.ever)

3. Actors suck at speeches. GO FIGURE.

4. Meryl Streep is old but not as old as Sophia Loren.

5. Apparently globes are out and exposed sternums are in. I don't think I saw anything bigger than an A cup - except for Nichole Kidman's nipples which had their own ZIP CODE.

The only redeeming moment of the entire night...

GLEE WINS BEST MUSICAL/COMEDY

There is a sane person at the foreign press association - and I bet he's a flaming homosexual. Thanks be to god!

My favorite thing about waking up for work

Even better, Matt with a side of Nie

We want a pitcher, not a belly itcher!

This week is the pinnacle of BO-RING. I’ve got nothing going on, in my brain or otherwise. You know how some weeks you have a hair appointment, dentist appointment, toe-painting party, SOMETHING to look forward to? Not this week. And it’s only Wednesday. My credit card is blowing up after purchasing maternity clothes and several emotionally-charged trips to Target – so shopping is out of the question. TV is a total suck-fest because of base and ball, which I happen to care NOTHING about. BTW, did you know there is a player on the team and his only job is to pitch the last inning of the game? What a total slacker! When hubs told me that, I seriously told him to get out of town. What’s so special about THAT GUY that he doesn’t have to run around in the fields or lob a few more balls over that hexagonal place mat? This enhances my conclusion that baseball sucks. White pants to play in the dirt? Seriously?

In other news, my hubs is orbiting around the country interviewing for residency positions for the next few months. His biggest challenge is that he has to make small talk. Me? I could chat someone up in the grocery store about their Vera Bradley purse or the coupon I found in the deodorant aisle FOR HOURS. Him, he could care less. He’s one smart cookie, there’s no doubt about that – but proving he’s the type of guy you’d want to be stuck standing in the OR with for some 8-hour penis surgery – is his biggest challenge yet (yes my husband wants to cut on boys’ nether regions. Please don’t judge me.) Don’t get me wrong, He’s hilariously charming and I’d want to converse with him on a boat or with a goat- but sometimes it’s just hard to talk to people you don’t know about shit you don’t care about.

Like baseball.

Right now TV makes me SMILE

Can I tell you how much I am TOTALLY IN LOVE WITH GLEE? Oh my goodness, that show. It makes my musical theater heart flutter every time a number starts. I get this HUGE smile on my face and cannot help but ooze with, well, GLEE.

The musical numbers from last night were SO SO GOOD! I love how these Broadway actors have crossed over and brought their talents to prime time. And aside from the faking pregnancy/teen pregnancy/homosexual undertones ... it's a family friendly show (and set in O-H I-O!)



CAN YOU IMAGINE if this was YOUR HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER??! That adorable, talented curly-haired wonder? Yes, Please. I will go back to high school FOR HIM.

My new favorite thing to do in my free time is search the YouTube for GLEE clips. I know, I have no life.

In other news, last night on "I Peed Out My Baby" the nurse looks up at this girl and says,

Congratulations! You just had a baby IN YOUR PANTS.

CLASSIC!

(to top the horrific awfulness that is the toilet baby show, they now have a show called My Monkey Baby - oh my sweet baby jesus please stop me before I watch it.)

Big BANG Theory*

I've decided that this afternoon I am taking the plunge and GETTING BANGS!!

I have been thinking about it for a LONG time (like months, people) and I think I'm ready - I mean, are you ever REALLY ready? Last time I got bangs and spent hours pulling them and pinning them, I made my husband swear, "Next time I talk about getting bangs, you are responsible for reminding me HOW MUCH I HATE THEM."

Ah, how quickly we forget.

I've noticed all my friends look chick and fun with their long wispy bangs swept over to the side. So I stole pictures of them off of Facebook to bring to Lori this afternoon. (remember Lori? From the last time I contemplated bangs?)

See?

My cousin Mary

My friend Amanda

And one of my favorite bloggers, Joanna Goddard


Here I am in my office contemplating the bangs

And here I am contemplating the bangs while some guy adds EVEN MORE florescent light to our office



Plea send good vibes - Okay?

*Also - how much do you LOVE LOVE LOVE that show?
Sheldon: Whispering 'Don't make a sound' IS making a sound.

This dance was amazing.

*post edit* They keep taking the YouTube links down for copyright infringement. JUST POST THE VIDEO ON YOUR SITE THEN IDIOTS!!

It was worse than Darfur, it was Darfive

OMG it's so funny how even Matt Lauer is giggling! Brilliant!

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

There's something facinating about watching conjoined twins shave

Summer is reason enough to cancel the cable, there’s plenty to do outside and your favorite shows are on hiatus while the stars flaunt their bikini bodies in Los Cabos.

...that is, unless you are ME and you indulge in trashy television year-round. TLC re-runs of “Help! I peed out my baby” can keep me entertained when nothing else is palpable. You can’t watch quality shows like that without cable people. Current fave: Tori & Dean Home Sweet Hollywood. This coming from the girl who actually CRIED during the last episode of 90210 and owned both seasons of Nick and Jessica on DVD… it’s really no surprise that this show appeals to me. Tori’s GAY BEST FRIENDS (aka: “husbands” or “guncles”) totally rock and remind me of my Scott. Her daughter Stella (aka: “bug”) is cute enough to eat WITH A SPOON and he naughty son Liam (aka: “Monkey”) helps me to justify why beating a child every once in a while might actually be okay. He husband adores her and she has a totally dysfunctional relationship with her crazy mom. Who wouldn’t like this show? Granted she dramatizes motherhood like none other and acts like she deserves a medal for just managing to get two kids in their car seats – but I’m sure it’s tough being a celebrity. I mean, I think we normal people have extra genes that they aren’t privy to.

But this week, I’m clearing the steamy episodes of The Tudors and new episodes of T&D off my DVR to make room for my ultimate summer indulgence. BIG.BROTHER. Judge me now people because this show is awesome! I’ve seriously watched it EVERY summer and it gives me something to look forward to THREE TIMES A WEEK! Oh Julie Chen, you are entirely too skinny and whoever wrecks havoc on your wardrobe for, well everything, needs to be fired. But I love the bitchyness, the carefully choreographed blanket make out sessions, the slop-eating drama, the token “oldie”, the shrinking table, the dirty nights in the hot tub…I could go on and on and on. I’ve even kept my Showtime subscription long after The Tudors season 3 to watch BB After Dark. I have a lot of time on my hands and with a pretty uneventful life; Big Brother is where it’s at.

I might even have to subscribe to live feeds from Mexico.

And if after reading this post you have lost all respect for me. Well, then you haven’t been reading this blog very long.

Then end.

Silver Spoons and Webster were good too, but not as good as these

Sometimes I think back to the shows that I used to watch when I was little. I was recently reading Fergie's Wikipedia page because I wanted to find out more about her struggle with methamphetamine. No luck on the meth details, but it did say she got her start on Kids Incorporated. [warm gushy memories flooding back] I loved that show.

Kids Incorporated


Star Search
Every week I would brainstorm the song that I would sing, when I was picked for the show.


Punky Brewster
In kindergarten, I had glow-in-the-dark Punky shoes, all the cool kids wanted to lay by me at nap time to see them glow. I wish I still had them. Punky was my hero and this is the episode where I decided I would never take drugs. Thinking back, the girls in the clip look nothing like drug users. Nothing.


By second grade, I was totally boy crazy and obsessed with The Monkees. My friend had a Monkee's themed birthday party and I remember dancing around in her finished basement to her new tape seething with jealousy. I contemplated punching her in the face and making off with the tape. I wasn't a very good friend.


Glamour and glitter, fashion and fame... JEM! Truly Truly Truly Outrageous! I watched this every day after school while eating a piece of bread topped with one melty kraft single and a dill pickle. Every.Day.


and on the big screen...

The Hugga Bunch Movie
Don't ask. (But I wish I owned this movie.)


Flowers in the Attic
I watched this at a sleepover. I had to have my mom pick me up early (per usual, I never spent the night places) and wouldn't eat powdered sugar for two years. I actually bought this movie a few years ago, just to remind myself not to poison my kids if I ever have any.


**I decided I want some of these shows on DVD so my kids can watch them too. I found the complete box set of Punky Brewster and Fraggle Rock on Amazon... MEGA EXPENSIVE! I also found some Strawberry Shortcake DVDs. My kid (that remains only a figment of my imagination) is going to be totally up on 80's TV and not those gay Wiggles/Tellitubbies.

Take that Kelly Kapowski!

The Office is a repeat tonight. Watch this instead. I love the part where she says, "Beyonce, pick the color, hot dogs, basically anything that is awesome..."



Oh and don't forget today is the LAST day to register for my the HGTV dream home!!

Monday Movie Review

I actually saw a movie this past weekend! YAY!

He's Just Not That Into You
I guess I would say this isn't the best movie in the world but not the worst either. I think I would describe it as: CUTE. Husband went in with limited expectations and thought it was good. I went in with heightened expectations (mostly based on the previews and cast) and was a tiny bit disappointed. I never read the book so I can't go into the "movie-is-never-as-good-as-the-book' rant but it's definitely long. One thing that I found disappointing was that Drew Barrymore is hardly in the movie at all. The monologues they used for the trailer pretty much encompass her scenes. I like her, so I was bummed. Also Scarlette Johansen is a total sluttyslutslut in this movie. There is a scene where she swims naked (in front of a married man!) and her jigglies almost break the surface of the water...my husband drooled on himself and the person sitting next to him! Man he loves her, and although she is on his list of 'people outside our marriage that we are allowed to sleep with if the opportunity ever arises' I had to listen to him talk about how smokin' hot she was all weekend. I think I even had a sex dream about her! Sheesh!Good thing I have those self-confidence pills tucked in my purse. Ben Affleck and Ginnifer Goodwin steal the show. She's adorably charming! On the other hand Kevin Connolly is creepy, and Jennifer Connelly is not feminine (I seriously think it's the eyebrows). Bottom line: if your last name is some derivative of conno(ne)ly - you suck in this film. So totally con your sweetie or bestie into going to see this flick with you - then let me know what you thinks!

For funsies:

Gifted Hands: The Ben Carson Story
This movie starring Cuba Gooding Jr. and showing (over and over again) on TNT is about an African-American pediatric surgeon. It was also: CUTE
[warning: this movie has more commercials that the super bowl. Use your DVR wisely]

Spring Awakening (Broadway tour)
This show was awesome. It will now be ranked third on my all time favorite show list after Rent and Wicked. If it tours in your area you must MUST see it. Pent up teen sexual frustration, suicide, homosexuality, abortion, even a bare ass and nipple - this play has it all. Not to mention it's a stunning rock musical with a simple set and simple costumes. AND AND the stage was a square with seats at stage right and left and SOME LUCKY BASTARDS got the view the show FROM ON STAGE. If I ever see it again I want, no, NEED those seats! I won't even pick my nose or unwrap candy. I heart this musical.

*One minor thing that makes me want to mustard someone's car was that our seats were sandwiched between a stinky-too-much-perfume-lady and some fat guy who was singing, SINGING! the music. Sir, I too have the soundtrack but refrain from belting out these catchy tunes in respect for the other patrons - shut up you grizzly bastard! I didn't pay to hear you mumble the tunes to EVERY SONG!

Then in act two my mom and I got our revenge by switching seats. Three rows closer. I still hate that guy.

*And another thing, did you know people wear jeans (JEANS!) to the theater these days? You know our society is going down the pee-pot when people can't even show some respect for the arts. When I was little, my mom would get me all fancied up in my party dress and shiny shoes to see a play. My party dress was dirty last night, but I still dressed up. It's just the way it should be.

I'm all outta things. That concludes my Monday Movie (play and made for TV movie) Review but don't forget Valentine's day is coming up and also don't forget SPREAD THE LOVE FEBRUARY
(over there ----> remember?)

I found out husband bought local for my v-day gift as well ....and you thought those dirty sex shops with a booth out front were a franchise!

If you give a mouse a cookie

Last night was a lazy night at our house. Husband worked late and I had stats class (eww!). We heated up some turkey chili that I had in the freezer and drenched it in cheddar cheese as we watched an episode of House. We also had this conversation:

Scene: Two gorgeously attractive married people sit down for some week night TV courtesy of DVR. Doting wife is dressed in comfy pj’s and husband prefers to wrinkle his work pants by lounging in them.

Husband: [snatching up the blanket] Brrr! I’m cold.
Me: Me too.
Husband: I’m cold and I’m hungry for dessert.
Me: Well, there are some snack sized Snickers bars next to the bananas.
Husband: Those are reserved for my lunches. I would like a cookie.
Me: We don’t have any cookies, babe.
Husband: I would like a cookie… please.
Me: I don’t have any cookies to give you or anything to make cookies with.
Husband: Well then, I would like you to go back in time and get me one.
Me: Even if I went back in time, there are no cookies there to be gotten.
Husband: You can make them, back in time.
Me: Even back in time, I didn’t have the time to make you cookies. Have some ice cream.
Husband: I already told you I was cold.
Me: Well, I think there are some Oreos in the cabinet.
Husband: I think those are really old and stale.
Me: I think so too but if you want a cookie that bad, you can eat them.
Husband: Rats.
[he always says “rats” in a cute pouty voice]

[just before bed]
Husband: What are you eating?
Me: I’m drinking chocolate soy milk.
Husband: I’m still waiting for my cookie.

If you’re wondering, we don’t keep cookies in our house because he eats them all in one sitting. I know, I'm a terrible wife.

Some husbands ask for foot rubs... mine asks for time travel.

What do Wendy's and butt wipes have in common?

Answer: Zack Braff!

Why do I look over from the kitchen when I hear JD's voice yet see nothing but a puppy bouncing around in a butt wipe commercial? Why do I think of 'guy love' when I am watching someone eat a juicy Wendy's hamburger? Apparently, the new season of Scrubs isn't doing as well as we thought.

AND AND Mr. Braff has taken his career to new heights as the VOICE OF WATER in the new PUR campaign ads. The voice of water. (voice? water? Wha? huh?)

Hello, my name is Zack Braff. I have incredibly bouncy hair and appear overly Jewy on film. I'm probably awkward in bed but definitely have excellent taste in music. Oh and did I mention I am the voice of water? Yes. Water. Spokesperson for the H2O - 80% of your body, 100% me. Not to mention those butt wipes would be nothin' without it! Also, Garden State. Watch for it soon on HD DVD and Blu-Ray. And for the record, Mandy Moore and I were never engaged. She dumped me because of my OCD at the same exact moment that I realized she was way out of my league anyway. True. Story.

I heart you Zack but you gotta stop the voice overs. You're screwing with my head!

True beauty comes from within (unless you're just plain ugly)

I love to watch TV but barely get to do it. Today I decide to blog about TV.

There are a few essential shows that we record each week including: Big Bang Theory, Scrubs, House, and Private Practice (I will watch ANYTHING with Taye Diggs. Anything I tell you!)

Daily shows recorded in our household include: Ellen Show, Daily Show and any episode of Scrubs that happens to pop up in the cable stratosphere (My husband watches 1-2 reruns of Scrubs every day as a relaxation strategy).

THEN there are some extras that I record including: 90210 (nostalgia got the best of me. I actually cried when 90210 went off the air) Giada’s Weekend Getaways (Giada is so hot it makes me question my own sexuality at times).

We also sometimes watch So You Think You Can Dance and Idol.

If I happened to watch live TV (live TV? What’s that?) it would probably be HGTV House Hunters (pick house #2 damnit!) or Campbell Brown No Bias No Bull(shit). If (big IF) I am playing hooky from work or it’s a holiday I will watch Days of Our Lives because everyone knows you can not watch the show for two years, pick back up, and know exactly what’s going on (Did you know my childhood dream was to grow up and be on DOOL?) Okay well then did you know Passions (the soap) was cancelled? Um apparently I just found out when I tried to watch it on New Years. P.S. it was canceled over a year ago.

I started recording the new series True Beauty (please don’t judge) and I must say after two episodes that I am sheepishly disappointed. I mistakenly thought Ashton Kutcher and Tyra Banks could put together a good show. I mistakenly thought that Vanessa Minnillo might actually have some talent. And I mistakenly thought the guys on the show would actually be hot. Not to mention the judges are straight out on an 80’s B movie and Vanessa’s wardrobe is atrocious! Cheryl Tiegs? Seriously? She looks like a plastic surgery blow up doll gone flat. And since I don’t watch America’s Next Top Model, the name Nole Marin means nothing to me but very round man who dresses up a lot. The contestants are total flakes and the show's “spy premise” is stupid. I will be surprised if this show makes it to the finale. Oh well, I tried. Now I want to call Nick Lachey and ask him why he’s dating Minilla Wafer. He sucks at picking women.

I would like to thank my DVR, because without it, TV watching in our house would not be possible.

What do YOU watch?

My Favorite Things Edition - #2

I can't believe it's Friday again, whoopee! I am also so happy I get to share some of the things I heart today.

Monday's are a total snoozer it's the beginning of the week and Friday is nowhere in sight. Husband and I have found something to look forward to on Mondays... BIG BANG THEORY!!
First off, the intro song (by Barenaked Ladies) is a treat. Don't fast forward the TiVo until after the song (much like Scrubs). I started watching BBT last year because Sheldon reminds me of a v-card toting evangelical that I "dated" in college. The show is genius - in that it provides the nerd comedy that makes my heart swoon and it consults physicists and astronomers to provide out of this world facts and equations which add depth to the dialog. Bottom line, I heart nerd love. (AND AND last week Sheldon told Penny he disconnected her Internet so she can't get online talk about things she hearts - check it out below!)


Watch CBS Videos Online

I almost always plan ahead and have all of my holiday shopping done by Thanksgiving. Not.This.Year. Actually, to date, I have only bought two presents (mostly on account of being broke) If you are like me and trying to come up with ideas here are two of my favorite products. One's a save and one's a splurge!


SAVE! St. Ives Mineral Therapy Lotion
Neutral scent - Big Moisture!
Holistic-sounding buzzwords aside, this is a great product. It offers up a thick creamy lotion that goes on smooth, dries quick and lasts all day. One of my favorite winter products! Price Tag $4.99 for 13.5oz! Find it at Wal-Mart or Target.


SPLURGE! Bare Essentials Buxom Big & Healthy Lip Polish
I went overboard when I started using Bare Essentials (which I also heart!!) and somehow this tube of gloss ended up in my bag regardless of its $18 price tag. The color 'Bianca' is my fav and it has lasted me over SIX months. Find it online or at Sephora. It.Is.Awesome. Just ask my husband!
Me: Sorry babe, I can't kiss you this morning, I already put my lip gloss on.
Husband: It is the kind that makes my lips all shiny and tingly?
Me: Yes...
Husband: Kiss. please.

And last but not least, I heart laughing out loud at my desk like I did this morning when I watched this. January 20th can't come soon enough...

reality TV is always better than basketball

DH and I watched two new reality TV show this week [since its the first time we've turned on our TV in over two months!] First we attemped to watch Big Brother, and although it was my fav reality TV show and I've watched every season [even the crappy couples one that was on during the strike Big Brother 10] this seaons is terrible. Usually, I will give a show a try for at least 3 episodes [hense how Private Practice grew on me and I decided NO on Greys Anatomy] but not this time. BB10 was one and out. Everyone on the show is trashy and nasty [except for the gpa - why is he there?] I refuse to tune in. I refuse.

Our next show was sponsored by Nike and called Road to Redemption [why does this word have a “p” in it??] DH loves Duke basketball and Coach K [Mike Krzyzewski, pronounced SHI-CHEF-SKI, NOT KRI-ZEW-SKI, again PHONICS people!] is the head coach. Although watching basketball isn’t my favorite thing to do [gets a little boring sometimes] this show was great. It was like real world meets NBA stars in China. There are 5 episodes and we watched two the other night. The only part that sucked were the commercials… 3 minute long NIKE commercials! We thought we were watching another show and then wait – this is a commercial for shoes… omg its not stopping…omg its still going... wtf. So I thought I would give you a little taste of the show.

Real Show:
[Dun Dun Dun] "Here, today, for the first time in history, beloved teammates Kobe Bryant and LeBron James will interview… together”

Kobe: I have always watched LeBron from a far and respect his game.
LeBron: Gaurding Kobe makes me a better player, I never thought that could happen and then I've watched and learned from his game play.
Kobe: LeBron talks all the time, talks talks talks - always has something to say. He is a funny guy.
LeBron: I like to talk.

Okay people, is this a love fest? They are sitting on opposite sides of a couch and I really think they were reading cue cards. So I made up a better interview, one I would actually like to hear.

My interview with LeBron:
Me: Welcome, LeBron…O-H
LeBron: I-O
Me: Sweet. So LeBron, why do you have two capital letters in your name?
LeBron: I do? Oh, yeah, well my mom was kinda bad at English. They don’t proof read that stuff in the hospital you know.
Me: Did she ever consider DeBron?
LeBron: No.
Me: I remember when you got in trouble because someone bought you a Hummer with NBA money while you were still in high school.
LeBron: I don’t have to pay for Hummers anymore.
Me: hehe.
Me: You have a $90 million dollar shoe contract with Nike. They own you.
LeBron: Yes, they do, I have a NIKE toothbrush.
Me: You have a bronze medal from the 2004 Olympics. Where do you keep it?
LeBron: It’s hanging on my ESPY award.
Me: In March, you were the first black man to appear on the cover of VOGUE. You posed with Gisele Bundchen and some considered the cover offensive and racist. Did she happen to mention if Leo DiCaprio was a good lay?
LeBron: Um…no.
Me: Do you like the movie Love and Basketball with Omar Epps?
LeBron: I’m not sure if I saw it.
Me: Have you ever played basketball with Omar Epps?
LeBron: Um.. is he in the NBA?
Me: I hate you.

Stay tuned for more interviews with these beautiful black men. If you have any questions you would like answered please phone a friend.