My Favorite Things - Edition #9

Friday? Exactly.

It's been a long time since I've bombarded the internets with products I heart. Too long in fact. This morning when I was in the shower all rub-a-dub-dubbing I was thinking about how much I want to hug my body wash. Never have I felt so connected to a creamy gel. My shower puff longs for it and when I squeeze a dime sized (no more!) amount onto it’s netted baffles I swear it says, “Ahh..”

Last month Heidi and I were shopping in the Victoria of Secret and I was blindsided by the new “Natural” skincare line with its fancy words and packaging. Honeysuckle & White Patchouli Balancing Body Wash – what a de-LISHISH name! Natural? Balanced? Yes please.

I took it home and slid over my tried-and-true to make way for another natural. During yoga the next day my chest and arms were itching. Itching? WTF? I thought perhaps my detergent or mat were irritating me and skipped out on Aveeno another day. Again. Dry, tight and itchy skin.

It finally dawned on me that cheating on my body wash was wrong. Very wrong. There are times when new is better, but not today. I have since banished “Naturally Balanced HoneySUCK and itchy” to the closet. Within one day of make-up washing – me and my beloved Aveeno are right back where we were.

Creamy Bliss.

Tell me, what products are you hugging lately?

(Aveeno Coupons!)

Prom Rebels and Beef Butts

My Alma mater has made national news twice so far this year. The first was in March when the Oiler basketball team cinched the NCAA Division II men's basketball title. I don’t give a toot about basketball (unless Duke makes it past the sweet sixteen). But it would be nice for people to say, “The basketball champs?” as opposed to saying “Is that an aggi school up north?” Because for the record, Yes. Yes, I palpated cows and was the only girl to show up without coveralls and lube. And, yes, I needed a stool to position my ENTIRE ARM inside the cow’s b-hole while wearing a fashionable plastic sleeve and screaming “It’s cutting off my circulation!” or “There's poo on my neck!" ...HOWEVER when people call it an “aggi school” it hurts a little. It somehow diminishes my experience - aggricultural or otherwise.

This week, Findlay, OH again made national news when a high schooler was suspended from his Christian school for accompanying his girlfriend to her prom. Apparently, his Baptist institution prohibits dancing, handholding and listening to rock 'n' roll (only that genre? Really? Because I can think of a lot worse). The principal apparently blames it on the little sluts that are inherently produced by the public school system. In a statement, principal, Tim England, wrote,

"When the school committee ... set up the policy regarding dancing, I am confident that they had the principle of fleeing lustful situations in mind ... should a Christian place themselves at an event where young ladies will have low-cut dresses and be dancing in them."

Great, now everyone’s forgotten about the basketball and they think the town is home to an “aggi” university and a crazy Christian high school that made national news for not letting some hormonal kid get raging drunk off watered down vodka disguised in an empty shampoo bottle before grinding the night away to illicit rap music with his scantily clad date before shagging her in the back alley of a trailer park while using a sandwich baggie as a make-shift condom. Prom is awesome people! Get on board!

Besides, the biggest store in the carpeted mall is K-Mart, the campus is dry, and with a town like that – Prom is hardly the only excuse to sin (not that I would know). Go Oilers!

It's tea, sip it and work the pinkie finger

One billion years ago I had nothing to blog about so gave a proverbial shout out to my loyal reader(s) (you) for topics/questions. No one cared. Well, that’s not true. Mermanda cared and offered up a question that I have chosen to answer today, due to a lack of anything else interesting going on in my life. I am getting a haircut tonight and my eyebrows are channeling Jennifer Connelly. They need attention.

She writes: What is your favorite thing to order at a bar?

Since I rarely go to bars, because I am a lame wify now and my eyes get sleepy around 9:30pm and seeing as though 9:30pm is entirely too early to hit a bar, bar – I usually limit myself to places that sell food and contain a bar. Isn’t it funny how the HAPPY in HAPPY HOUR changes when you get older? My happy USED to be drink specials, but now my hour is happier if it includes “1/2 price appetizers.” Lame and cheap are my pleasures. I’ve replaced drunk with a fat ass. Happy indeed.

There are certain things that make me absolutely giddy when I crack open a menu. I can get *VERY* excited over simple things like food (and snow caps). Husband swears it’s because I’m crazy but I bet deep down he thinks it’s endearing.

Cider on draft

Deep fried mushrooms (although husband doesn’t like them so I rarely order this)

Hoegaarden (although I’ll settle for Blue Moon draft)

Cabbage rolls (shut up.)

Crème brulee

Fish and chips (only if vinegar is available for dipping!)

Pomtini’s

german potato salad

Chocolate chip French toast

Caffeine free diet coke (Panera/Macaroni Grill/Chick-fil-a – You complete me.)

Tomato Basil Bisque

Miso soup

Currently, I’m on a salmon kick also salads with calamata olives and anything drenched in Jack Daniel’s glaze.

In addition, anytime I see a formal tea menu, I *Squeeee* with delight (inwardly, so not to embarrass the husband). Tea menus brings back one of my favorite memories from our engagement trip. We were in Victoria British Columbia and we found THIS lovely place (in THIS lovely book). I cannot possibly explain how magical it is. The lady photographed on the homepage laughs like a bowl full of jelly. It’s perfect. I can see the stacks of tiny cakes and sandwiches (tiny food = awesome) and can almost taste the warm passion fruit tea. Can you see the snuggly on the tea pot?


I have a tiny glass teapot on my desk to remind me of it. Mine looks like the one in the bottom left of the picture but it is blue. My boss tried to touch it one time and I said, "Put that down" and he said, "Why, what is it?" and I said, "Something that, if broken, would leave me no choice but to kill you." So he put it down but not before saying that he wanted one. Good luck with that. Don't touch my desk.

Monday Movie Review

I was so busy talking about residual Valentine’s blah blah, gushing over girly-products and dreaming about shagging an emo-dreads-dude I forgot to fill you in on my movie reviews...

Taken
This was our V-Day matinee and seeing as though we went in with low expectations (and a warning that the movie isn’t realistic) we actually enjoyed it. The plot is really simple – daughter gets abducted and father kicks major a@@ to try and save her. I decided Liam Neeson is a cool dad and if I am ever forced into a prostitution ring in some godforsaken country, I hope he would come and save me too.

Zack and Miri [make a porno]
(Note: this movie is very very dirty and has very dirty words/images/innuendos/jokes – I think that stuff is funny. Don’t judge me.) Zack and Miri are platonic roommates about to get kicked out of their shitty Pittsburgh apartment until they happen upon the idea of making a porno to increase cash flow. People who know me, know I hate porn, but this movie really isn’t about porn (per se) and is more about living up to standards, quirky friendships and the girl from Cry Baby.

[I also think it's funny that they changed the title of this movie after complaints. Apparently, as long as the content of a movie is masked by a cute name society doesn't care what it's about.]

Also, I am the luckiest girl - I've gotten to see two (count 'em, TWO) Broadway musicals this month. See? Spreading the February is making all kinds of good karma for me.

25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee
A doctor at the hospital unexpectedly gave husband two tickets (free!) to see the Broadway tour of this show on Saturday night – the seats were on the aisle in the 10th row! SweetassSweet. Finally, a perk amidst this medical-student madness. The show was A-DOOR-ABLE. Perfect roles for any character actor/actress. Each one is nuttier than the next. Seriously, if it tours in your area, go.see.it. It’s hilarious! And if you’re a good speller, there’s even an opportunity for YOU to be in the BEE! (god knows I didn’t volunteer myself). There is even a song about erections!

Did you watch the Oscars? I did and here is my take on it.

Love Love Loved Natalie Portman’s dress.

I think Hugh Jackman and Pierce Brosnen can now make babies (together)

Anne Hathaway can sing. I like!

Reese Witherspoon, I heart you but you looked like hell.

Jennifer Aniston was so nervous that Brangelina was seated in front of her she screwed up her lines. She also tried funny and unless she’s channeling Rachel Green, she sucks at it. Also bringing John Mayer looked like it was bring-an-awkwardly-tall-younger-man-to-your-work-Christmas-party day.

Fara Fawcet. Yikes! Someone tried to criticize her dress; I couldn’t get past her face.

Brangelina snubbed Ryan Seacrest… again! (but OMG I want those green earrings!)

Worst. Deadpeople. Tribute. Ever. Day.

Yay Slumdog!

Seth Rogan lost weight – and he was sleeping with hot chicks in movies while he was fat. I think I heart him.

Thank god for DVR - there were exactly five awards that I actually cared about.

Result:
I want to see Milk.
I want to see The Wrestler, because of Marissa Tome.
I want to see Rachel's Getting Married.

What is it today? More spelunking?

Weekends go by entirely too fast. It’s like they are on fast forward and then [slam!] once you get to Monday it all s-l-o-w-s back down again. I was able to spend the weekend with my husband, so all-in-all it was great.

These are the highlights and lowlights of my weekend:

Shared a double cookies&cream marshmallow fudge sundae
Batman Begins
Sleeping in
McCain/Palin Sign piercing my childhood lawn
Arguing about politics with my dad for 2 hrs
Nick and Nora’s Infinite Play List
Getting up early
4th graders
Afternoon nap
Clean bathroom
Organized medicine closet
Sex in the City – The Movie
Homemade Whole Wheat Banana Bread

My favorite parts were the sundae, Batman and the whole wheat banana bread which husband and I made together last night. Our first successful bread and we almost ate the entire loaf! Low points, were the bratty 4th graders who punish me every Sunday morning and arguing with my dad about politics.

Anyway, here’s your Monday Movie Review:

Batman Begins – this movie is amazing. It was well developed, action-packed and kept my attention for over two hours [hard to do]. Honestly, I just sat there wishing for more. And although superhero [or according to Bax, literary character] movies never make it on my “favs” list – this definitely belongs. I think Christian Bale plays an amazing Batman. I love his dark, raspy tone and stiff jaw line. I actually heart all of the characters in this movie with the exception of Katie Holmes. No character development, no personality, bad acting. Sorry Katie. But don’t beat yourself up, you’re actually hotter than Maggie Gyllenhaal in Dark Night but equally as benign of a character. This along with Dark Knight will be added to our permanent movie collection.
My recommendation is BUY. This movie is ownership material.

Nick and Nora’s Infinite Play List - This movie is terrible and should be alternatively titled “Nick and Nora’s Incredibly Boring Night Caught on Tape.” This movie might appeal to an Emo 20-something cohort who feels the playlist was enlightening and smells like teen spirit – but for me it fell flat. [spoiler alert!] Horny kid from Juno, still dressed the same, but instead of an acoustic guitar, he now plays bass in a gay band. Gets dumped by trashy actress from Fool’s Gold and meets Nora. Nora takes care of drunk friend. Drunk friend fishes her gum out of a public toilet filled with puke [great shock factor]. Nick and Nora go home. This movie was not the cheese to my macaroni and the only plus side was the brief 90 minute runtime. This movie was more about the evolution of gum, than music.
My recommendation is PASS - rent High School Musical instead.

Sex in the City – I’ll review this tomorrow along with a belated review of The Women. There’s just too much to say, keywords: 148 minute runtime, American Idol cast-off, no one's working, "what does your gut tell you" and a humongus chin mole.

You should cry no more, God also loves our canine friends, he's installed a doggy door

Today my friend had to put down her dog, Razor. He was old and his hips were fragile, his body was full of bad cells and he stopped racing his sister to the food bowl long ago. But even though Razor wasn’t as sharp or a spunky as he used to be, through it all he still wagged his stumpy little boxer tail. That’s the thing about dogs, they never lose that kindred spirit. Now he is resting and my friend is missing him terribly. Like I’ve mentioned before, I believe that pets go to a special place when they die and they wait for you. Like the poem says, all the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. And besides, people in the afterlife need pets too.

Most people who know me, know my idea of the afterlife doesn’t coincide with any particular faith – it’s just a disconnected concept – mostly imagined ideas mushed together to help me rationalize the unknown. I believe that although it wasn’t fair that my grandmother succumbed to cancer in her early sixties, she reconnected with the love of her life and her soul watches over me in between playing the slot machines [she came to my wedding but had to leave early for a texas hold ‘em tournament]. My grandma died when I was 15 so my little brother was about 8. My mom went through a blue period where she cried a lot and looked at old pictures of my grandma every afternoon. One day my little brother came home from school and the conversation went something like this:

Second grade brother: Hey mom!
Mom: How was school today honey?
Second grade brother: It was good. Grandma came to visit me today.
Mom: [confused, maybe he forgot about the dying thing] Um, sweetie, how did she do that?
Second grade brother: Well, I was writing at my desk and all of a sudden my pencil flew out of my hand and onto the floor.
Mom: …
Second grade brother: You said grandma would be watching over me, so I just figured she wanted me to know she came to class today.
Mom: [smiling] well I am glad she was able to visit you, she loves you very much.
Second grade brother: yeah, I know. Can I have a fruit roll-up for snack?
Mom: Sure, just don’t ball up three of them in your mouth like you did yesterday.

I remember later when my Mom told me that story, she said she wished grandma would have stopped by the house too. I guess my mushy afterlife concept had *some* environmental influence, but I like it none the less.

My dog Bear had to be put down when I was in junior high. He was my best friend and my very first pet [besides the two hermit crabs that my mom killed.] I bet him and Razor are getting into lots of trouble somewhere today...I hope my grandma doesn't throw pencils at them.

When tomorrow starts without me.
Please try to understand,
That an angel came and called my name
And petted me with her hand.
She said my place was ready,
Somewhere far above,
And that I'd have to leave behind
All those I dearly love.
- author unknown

Daddy Bee's got the honey

A movie Review: My Best Friend’s Girl [MBFG]

First see: How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days
Second see: Good luck Chuck
Smoosh the two together in your brain and you have MBFG. Kate Hudson and Dane Cook lazily played identical characters, respectively. Then the casting directors must have had this conversation…

Casting 1: Hmm, here we have a character that is only mildly attractive at best and obsessed with masturbation, who would be a good fit?
Casting 2: How about that guy who had sex with an apple pie a few years ago?
Casting 1: Yes. Call him.
Casting 1: Oh and also call up one of the Baldwins to play the sleazy sex addict Dad.
Casting 2: Which one should I call?
Casting 1: Try for the one that's actually successful and then keep trying the others until you run out.
Casting 2: Okay.

And the cast was formed.

Other reviews have said that this is the same premise as Hitch, but I didn’t see that movie so I cannot compare. Apparently Dane cook was given LOTS of creative freedom and many of his scenes were improvised – which I actually appreciated while viewing the movie. That=awesome and although I think Dane Cook is really ugly, [Dane Cook on myspace: It's no secret that I'm more rugged facially due to a drunken visit by the teen acne fairy]something about this movie made him *charming*. Maybe because at one point in the movie he is crying his eyes out during Ghost or that his name was “Tank” or maybe because he shouts the lyrics to “pop that Pu$$y” but I really think if I had not seen the awfulness that was Good Luck Chuck, I would have hearted this movie. Although I think that this movie is way to raunchy to be placed in the romantic comedy section of any local video retailer – I'd say, if you liked Van Wilder – give this movie a chance.

MBFG Words to live by: When contemplating whether or not to sleep with a guy, “listen to your clamburger.” –advice from a stripper

[p.s the Emmy’s were terrible last night. But I did see the largest breasts I have ever seen in my life. See Christina Hendricks. I have never googled someone just to look at their breasts before, last night was a first.]

There are more than five, I just listed five because she made me

Today I was able to capitalize on Jennie!'s laziness by serving as her stunt-double on The Collective. Check out my post: The Five Worst Things About Being a Newlywed. I don't think they'll ask me back...



[pin by Etsy ButtonEmpire]

Sisterhood of the traveling pant suits

I've had some writers blog this week, actually that is not true. Monday and Tuesday were duds but I spent today working on my guest blog for The Collective. Jennie! [of Bax and Heidi] asked me to post in her honor, mostly because she's lazy and slammed at work right now. So, since I've spent all of my creative energy on this 'five worsts' masterpiece, [which you better damn well go read tomorrow] I am left with nothing else than to tell you about my actual life [but not so low as to divulge the contents of my purse].

I finished The Glass Castle today, but decided not to go to the book club meeting, even though I made sure to get the book read in time. One, because I don't want to drive two hours round trip and two because, well, I'm over it. Loved the book, a must read. Actually, I should pretend I'm going to a book club every week and peer pressure myself into reading a book [instead of randomly searching the internets for ways to deal with post-wedding let down]. Just kidding. I do other things too.

I am on to my next book, In Defense of Food by Michael Pollan. I hope it's good, and even if it sucks - it's pretty short so very little of my life will have been wasted and at the least I have practiced reading.

Reading I think is something people should always list when someone says, on the street or in a job interview or something, "what do you like to do?" or "what do you do in your free time?" or "what is your hobby?" or "what was the last book you read?" At least have SOMETHING, because if you answer Lord of the Flies from 7th grade, they will hit you. In my opinion, it's an answer that sounds firm, yet intriguing. You could always spout off about how you carve your own wooden pens or were asked to be a guest chef at a local cooking school but really, neither of those top the reading answer.

I have also been reading up on the election, because it very much interests me and I think Obama's grass-roots-sleeves-rolled-up-chocolateness is amazing. I have been watching the DNR and love listening to NPR commentary on my way into work. Then when I get here, [instead of doing work] I have the pleasure of reading the editorial banter about who wore what and "oh no he din't." I can also have interesting conversations with my politically-obsessed boss. Like yesterday when I found out that one single person cannot donate more than $2,300 to a campaign [this makes my $30 actually look like a contribution!] And then today, I found out McCain is visiting WSU on Friday where he may announce his running mate. [I am hoping for Lieberman, that way in the unlikely event that he beats Obama and we don't all move to Canada, someone can off him, leaving a somewhat-democratic JEW in the white house. Yes, thank you.] My boss also turned me on to a columnist whose tongue is as sharp as her eyebrow pencil. He said she reminds him of me. I asked if she was tenacious, and he said that her hair was red... and then added that she was incredibly quick-witted. This was the first time I actually liked one of his perceptions of me. Ladies and gentleman, Maureen Dowd.

Oh and P.S Grandpa McCain and his friends are going to make traffic a bitch on Friday morning so watch out!

What a croc!

Who are you to judge, mr. Newsweek writer? I came across an article today where the writer is boycotting crocs. You know, the mushy shoes with the air holes? The writer talks about how he sits with his little boy in a park and bashes people wearing the Swiss cheese shoes. He acknowledges this probably isn’t the best thing to do with an impressionable young man, but he doesn’t apologize for it. Nor does he apologize for his lack of fashion credentials. He also references a website that, the first time I looked at it, made me laugh and fear for my life. The guy who writes that site is certifiably nuts.

Personally I think crocs are cute. Although I did think it was a little nuts when brides on theknot talked abotu outfitting their entire bridal party in them [the croc website has a testimonial site dedicated to these crocaphile brides] I have a pair and I clean the bathroom in them. DH has a pair, actually of fuzzy crocs. I think they look adorable on him and they flop flop flop as he walks. I even bought him jibbitz, or as I call them “croc buttins” he has an OSU one, a Duke one and a medical symbol one. What a smart idea, some genius made a killing by making little rubber figures to fill holey shoes. So in the end Mr. Newsweek writer – why don’t you teach your child to accept people for who they are, crocs and all. And p.s. in the kindergarten sense, dork is a bad word believe it or not.