Monday, January 12, 2009

Monday Movie Review

These are my highly anticipated movie reviews for last weekend and the holiday break. Your eyes, brain and Netflix cue will thank you.

Wall-E
This movie was awful (and Jennie's 'favorite film of 2008' declaration confirms my assumption that she either smokes crack or suffers from dementia. To you Jennie, I say, I would rather watch Dane Cook's mud-ugly face in My Best Friend's Girl a million times over than subject myself to this sordid robot love affair. End.Rant.) The graphics/colors were muted and the plot was thin to say the least. A trash-compacting robot with a roach for a best friend meets a sleek, modern robo-chick from an obese cruise-ship-rocket. This is how it goes:

“Wall-E”
“Eee-vaa”
“Waaall-EEE”
“Eee-vaa”
“Wall-E”
“Eva”
The End.

The only thing that was cute were the robots droopy eyes. Boo Pixar! Boo!

Mamma Mia!
No.No. THIS is the WORST.MOVIE.EVER. Not five minutes into Meryl Streep’s howling, our entire family wanted to shut it off. I insisted on keeping with the Montell-Williams-esque paternity drama only to have Brosnen PIERCE my ears the second he opened his mouth! Bleeding faces and all we stuck it out for the grueling 108 minutes only to discover YOU DON’T FIND OUT THE BABY DADDY. I now hate ABBA, Pierce Brosnen and whichever numb nuts nominated this movie for anything but the world’s shittiest movie ever award. We turned off the movie wondering if it has been reviewed as a parody and likened it to Scary Movie 16 staring every American Idol out-take auditioner on the planet. Brutal review? Brutal movie.

BJ Button
If you know the premise, there aren’t many surprises with this movie – well except for the sheer mystery of how a wrinkled baby with glaucoma can go from a dwarfy old man to the YUMMY full bodied Brad Pitt and back to a pants-peeing infant and then die. The timeline was indeed confusing and I would have liked to see Brad and Cate frolic in a vat full of buttons but, in general, this was a good movie. I am a *huge* Cate Blanchett fan and she looked absolutely stunning in this one. I also enjoyed Dakota Fanning’s little sister as the young Cate. This movie makes you want to plop down a mattress in your living room and screw on it without a care in the world for the first five years of your marriage.

I think they call this an 'epic love story' but I call it, Brad and Cate are hot and the movie kept my attention.

Slumdog Millionaire
Best movie I’ve seen in a long time. The synopsis doesn’t do this film justice and the more I think back on it, the more I like it. It doesn’t surprise me that it cleaned up at the Golden Globes last night. The story is told in a captivating way and exposes India’s societal shortcomings with a hint of pop culture. It’s brilliantly written, casted and the score is perfect. I actually appreciated the M.I.A. Paper Planes song as it served as an auditory canvas for Mumbai children fleeing terrorists.

This movie is comparable to Blood Diamond in its exposure of social injustice but far outshines it with a fresh-faced cast, uniquely orchestrated storytelling and game show pretense.

Gran Torino
Second best movie I’ve seen in a long time. I’ve you’re ever at a loss for racial slurs Clint Eastwood's unapologetic bigotry should jog your memory. I’ve never been more attracted to a 70 year-old widower coughing up blood. I was first exposed to the Hmong culture in graduate school when we read The Spirit Catches You and You Fall Down and was reminded of the Hmong struggle to assimilate in American communities. The entire theater seemed to enjoy this movie just as much as we did. The few gentle moments that Clint Eastwood allows as both the director and protagonist left a lasting impression. The spirit definitly caught me again.

This movie is a Dirty Harry version of Crash. Definitely one I will watch again.

Best movies of 2008* – in my humble opinion
1. Dark Knight
2. Slumdog Millionaire
3. Gran Torino
4. Ironman


*I've yet to see Rachel's Getting Married, The Reader, Milk, or Revolutionary Road.

5 comments:

Jennie! said...

I was ready to disown you as a friend after your synopsis of WALL-E, but you made up for it with Mamma Mia, because that movie was a giant, flaming turd of awfulness. I also agree with you about Slumdog Millionaire and Benjamin Button (although, I didn't like some of the changes the movie made from the short story). I probably won't see Gran Torino because I hated the other movies Clint Eastwood directed.

I do want to see all those movies you listed that you haven't seen yet.

Jennie! said...

PS: People don't really need to see Crash. Crash = racism is bad.

kat! said...

i haven't seen wall-e, and it precisely because i'm afraid i'll have this exact reaction to it.

also i'm afraid of robots.

Mermanda said...

Damn, girl. You see a lot of movies!

P.S. I'm in total agreement with you about Wall-E. But that does not mean I am above doing Wall-E impressions.

Tam said...

Yeah my dad is in charge if security at a really big theater so my family movie hops for free on the nights that he works. He's worked there for 11 years - hence why Mom saw Beverly Hill Chihuahua three times. Yikes!