Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Prom Rebels and Beef Butts

My Alma mater has made national news twice so far this year. The first was in March when the Oiler basketball team cinched the NCAA Division II men's basketball title. I don’t give a toot about basketball (unless Duke makes it past the sweet sixteen). But it would be nice for people to say, “The basketball champs?” as opposed to saying “Is that an aggi school up north?” Because for the record, Yes. Yes, I palpated cows and was the only girl to show up without coveralls and lube. And, yes, I needed a stool to position my ENTIRE ARM inside the cow’s b-hole while wearing a fashionable plastic sleeve and screaming “It’s cutting off my circulation!” or “There's poo on my neck!" ...HOWEVER when people call it an “aggi school” it hurts a little. It somehow diminishes my experience - aggricultural or otherwise.

This week, Findlay, OH again made national news when a high schooler was suspended from his Christian school for accompanying his girlfriend to her prom. Apparently, his Baptist institution prohibits dancing, handholding and listening to rock 'n' roll (only that genre? Really? Because I can think of a lot worse). The principal apparently blames it on the little sluts that are inherently produced by the public school system. In a statement, principal, Tim England, wrote,

"When the school committee ... set up the policy regarding dancing, I am confident that they had the principle of fleeing lustful situations in mind ... should a Christian place themselves at an event where young ladies will have low-cut dresses and be dancing in them."

Great, now everyone’s forgotten about the basketball and they think the town is home to an “aggi” university and a crazy Christian high school that made national news for not letting some hormonal kid get raging drunk off watered down vodka disguised in an empty shampoo bottle before grinding the night away to illicit rap music with his scantily clad date before shagging her in the back alley of a trailer park while using a sandwich baggie as a make-shift condom. Prom is awesome people! Get on board!

Besides, the biggest store in the carpeted mall is K-Mart, the campus is dry, and with a town like that – Prom is hardly the only excuse to sin (not that I would know). Go Oilers!

1 comment:

Heidi said...

Well, I didn't know until now that Findlay was an "aggi" college. I know that Wilmington is but now I have a new found respect for you.