An elephant you'll never forget

via Deal Extreme

Okay, so I'm not a total sexaholic pervert but I can't get the thought of watching my husband dance around in these on Valentine's Day out of my head (woot! woot!) None of my sexy stuff fits right now, not that I'd even ATTEMPT to look provocative in my current CLUMSY bowling ball state - so I think he should give it a go. And these look way easier to put on than a black corset and fish net thigh highs... I'm just saying...

Something tells me it would be $3 well spent (they also come in white and I may or may not have ordered both.)

Bridal blogs are addicting

Although my wedding has long been planned and celebrated, I still find myself drawn to pictures of beautiful gowns and weddings. I went to Barnes and Noble the other night to thumb through some baby name books and couldn't help but stop to look at bridal magazines. My husband was SUCH a doll during our wedding planning process, he let me buy EVERY BRIDAL MAGAZINE ON THE SHELF FOR AN ENTIRE YEAR! He told me he was pretty confident this was the only time in my life I'd be planning a wedding of my own, so I was welcome to spend $5-$10 on glossy pages containing mostly ads and overpriced gimmicks - if just to feel part of it all.

Part of it I was. I think, in many ways I was more present on my wedding day than any other day in my life. It was as if my senses we all fluttering around me and I was caught up in the most amazing whirlwind of love, appreciation and admiration of the very thing that is spending the rest of your life with someone.

And maybe that's why today when I saw this stunning RED-HEADED BRIDE I was transported back to my own day. The day when my beautiful family began.

The journey is the reward

This week on A CUP OF JOE while Joanna is off shagging her brains off on her honeymoon, she's having guests post about their secrets to a happy marriage. Many of you know I am a total sap and love on my husband as much as possible, so reading these has really brightened my week. I especially liked this quote from today's guest poster:

"You want to be a woman your husband can brag about, and more importantly, you want to be a woman *you* can brag about."

A-MEN sister! Amen.

The car is no place to spend a weekend

If you love your husband as much as I love mine, here is a bit of marital advice for you to chew on.

DO NOT drive from North Carolina to Boston with him with nothing but a mini snickers bar, a travel-sized bag of cashews, four jolly ranchers and an ipod shuffle.

We set out with high hopes and big plans. Friday, 4.5 hours of driving to make our way to DC and stay with friends. Mission accomplished. We talked about everything there was for two gorgeously attractive married people to discuss and wrapped it up just about the time we pulled up at our friend’s house for a late-night snack and a good night's rest.

ENTER DAY 2

THIRTEEN STRAIGHT HOURS IN THE CAR TOGETHER!! THREE HOURS OF STOPPED TRAFFIC ON THE NJ TURNPIKE (NJ TURNPIKE – I OFFICIALLY HATE YOU FOREVER)!! THIRTY-TWO DOLLARS IN TOLLS!!! (who the shit carries that much cash on them?) DIRTY REST STOPS!! THIRSTY!! DIRTY REST STOPS!!

Oh and did I mention we ran out of things to talk about on DAY ONE!!?

Did I mention his car is a stick shift which I refuse to learn to drive, therefore I could not help him drive and as a result he got SHIN SPLINTS ON THE NJ TURNPIKE!!

Did I mention rest stops are DIRTY?

Did I mention we have a marital rule that the passenger cannot fall asleep (they are supposed to keep the driver awake and alert at all times) and is responsible for TOPICS OF CONVERSATION?

Did I mention no amount of Sirius Radio or ipod playlists can span 17.5 HOURS!? (also did you know there is a song called, My Weiner? – well there is. And it’s almost dirtier than REST STOPS!!)

Also, did you know PEOPLE ARE RUDE ASSHOLES? Well, they are. THEY REALLY ARE! I was standing in line (A long long line) for the loo (did I mention the NJ Turnpike was backed up for TWENTY MILES?? Yeah that makes lots of ladies and LOTS OF PEEING) and BTW there was NO LINE for the penis bathroom and out comes a scruffy old man who looks at the line of uncomfortable women clenching their pee-holes and says, “Well ladies, goes to show ya’ – it’s a man’s world.” DIIIIICK!

Anyway this frizzy hot mess of a lady walks up and down the line saying, “I’m sorry but I have to go, I’m just not waiting in this line. I’m not waiting.” She ends up four people behind me and once we are actually in the bathroom she pushes me to the side and says – “I’m going ahead of you, I really have to go.” I should have peed right on her. The people behind me were appalled. There was a very pregnant lady in front of me who waited her turn in line, despite many people offering to let her pass in front of them. As the piss lady pushes past me, I hear from behind me, “Oh my god, the nerve of that woman! If she would have pushed that pregnant girl aside – IT WOULD HAVE BEEN ON!” So it’s totally okay if she pushes the cute red-headed chick out of the way? I stood in line wishing the piss princess had pushed preggers and I could have had a front row seat to the gun show. Instead I said nothing, but used my powers of telekinesis to work voodoo magic on her (the piss lady, not the pregnant lady).

If my powers are correct, she is itching the bjeezus out of her lady parts AS WE SPEAK!

For more on how to get divorced, stay tuned TOMORROW.

When you love someone, all your saved-up wishes start coming out

I went to Shabbat services at Temple Friday night for the first time in a long time. Partly because I'm lazy and partly because services are led by members in the summertime (which I don't care for that much). When I entered to sanctuary I was overwhelmed with memories of our wedding. I have been back and sat through services several times since, yet Friday was different. All I could picture was husband and I up on the bima (raised platform) saying our vows to one another. I was thinking about what a special day that was and trying to remember every single minute of it. The words, the tears, the laughter and pride. I wanted to relive that day a million times over just to feel the wonder of those moments again. I spent the entire service thinking about that day, and much of the car ride home. I was thankful that I could walk into a room and be reminded of such joy and togetherness. Then I was saddened because in 10 short months we will live somewhere else. And although I welcome our new adventure with an open heart and mind, Friday night Shabbat services will no longer be held in the sacred place where I married my beloved. I really never imagined I could love someone THIS much. It boggles my mind.


::Le sigh::

On a more narcissistic note, in the new Vera Bradley catalog I found a contest where people vote on a wedding photo of your bridal party.

Will you GO VOTE FOR ME?

Pretty, pretty please. I really want to win (something, anything, come on people! Go Team Tam!)

Would you rather have a husband or a lifetime supply of ice cream?

This post is a part of 20SB’s Looking Back Blog Carnival, and Ben & Jerry’s is awarding free ice cream to lucky bloggers and readers! (man, do I heart ice cream!)
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I started this blog as a way to document the wedding planning process (ie. how much it sucked) and to vent about my partner being a medical student. Granted, I thought blogging was SOUP-ER stupid until I read my friend Jennie's nonsensical mess that is her brain splatting randomness onto the internet. But inevitably, I was jealous and figured I needed in on the action. This is my corner.

I have come to adore my blog and have found it provides a creative and organized outlet for my thoughts. I've also met some totally cool chicks/dudes and one girl who thinks she's a mermaid.

This is the perfect time to look back. Next weekend fireworks will fly honoring one year of wedded BLISS for husband and I. ONE YEAR PEOPLE! I cannot wait to pull that ratty cake up out of the freezer and dig in to it's expired goodness in honor of our love.

By looking back at my blog, I realized that I have always been looking forward. Husband and I have made it through some pretty tough times with this whole medical school thing, and even though residency looms in our future, for now, we spend our weekends enjoying each other. Throughout this blog I find myself looking forward to the amazing life that my husband and I share together. And it all began when he got down on one knee two years ago today and fumbled through the most adorable proposal I could ever have imagined.
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February 11, 2008

I was totally robbed of the intrinsically relaxing sigh that comes from within when you finally reach the week-end. Actually the term weekend now generates a cognitive dissonance that I've never had before. It used to give me that warm melty feeling of sleeping in or lying on the couch or possibly going to dinner and a movie with my fiance(FI) and then staying up until 230am talking and laughing in bed.

It now feels like just another two days. Two days in which FI will be locked in the basement of a stale library shoving information in his brain at an inhumane pace, only stopping to eat meals - which usually need to be prepared by me at a certain time - then off again to basement hell. I on the other hand have the opportunity to get up at 8am on Saturday and teach cycling at the gym. After my sweat session I will go home, shower, and either sit around wishing I was hanging out with FI, beg one of my friends who also don’t have a life to hang out with me or I can run all of the errands we don’t have time to do during the week. Not fun stuff either, mundane stuff like pick up the dry cleaning, depositing checks in the ATM or ordering flower girl charms. My most unfavorite of such aforementioned crap-tasks has been returning stuff left over from the blessed 12/25 without a receipt. I then proceed to read the Internets for three hours and go to bed. Sunrise on Sunday finds me driving downtown to teach Hebrew to little nosepickers.

Now that the backside of the work week is a total enigma, I must escape to my happy dreams where we are married, FI is finally a doctor, our kids are of legal drinking age and after spending Monday thru Friday on a beach in the Caribbean, we are off to Vegas for the weekend. TGIF.. no, let's try TGI2032
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My husband is my very best prize, and we'll fill our weekends with kisses and ice cream whether I win a blogging contest or not.

All of my moments are yours for the taking

Can I tell you that the weekends have been glorious. Well, they have. The perfect combination of sun and my husband have made me forget that Monday even exists.

For the past three years, medical school has sucked the life out of his two day break - and residency will no doubt leave me a weekend widow - so we are delighting in this time together while he's finishing up.

A recent survey asked doctors if they could have anything what it would be. Their answer: THEIR 20s BACK.

There are days when we feel old, like our 20s were supposed to be young and free - with nothing but time and money to burn. Did we give that up in exchange for school loans and stability? The path to medicine involves living on a shoestring budget, studying your head off and always anticipating the next step, rarely reveling in the current one. Who revels in library cubicals or 31-hour calls anyway? Much of our time together in the evenings is spent speculating on where he should apply for residency, should we rent or buy, how hard its going to be to sell our house, where and when we could fit in a baby and what the future brings for both our careers. Those are heavy things for two gorgeously attractive married people to contemplate on a nightly basis, you know?

But there are a few hours each day that we have a life, a marriage. And while our 20s are behind us for the most part, we want to take advantage of being (almost) 30. Being in love. Just being. Medicine can't rob you of your 20s, you simply let them pass you by.

I have a beautiful picture of my mother before she was pregnant with me. Just her face looking into the camera. I keep that picture tucked in a book next to my bed. I don't know this person, but I want to. I look into her eyes and want so badly for them to tell me a story. Do you ever think about what your parents were like before you came along? What was their day like? Did they smooch in the kitchen and ride bikes in the springtime? Did they stand in IKEA in front of the dressers for three hours wondering which one to pick? I imagine one day we will have children and these are the days they will wonder about. What did we do with our moments? Did we grow more in love everyday? Did we laugh and joke and drive for ice cream cones twice a week? Did we argue sometimes and spend the rest of the night making up?

I know we can't turn our backs on the waiting and wondering, but right now there are afternoons with nothing to do but be together. Summertime is just waiting to share her treasures with us. We'll walk hand-in-hand at a street fair, share a meal on a sunny patio or drink red wine from huge ballooned glasses while we talk the night away. Our nightly sleepovers consist of two people snuggled up in an enormous bed with one tiny cat purring at our feet.

There will be a time when we are stable and have money. He won't be studying or letting residency directors and computers determine our fate. But I imagine our sleepovers will look very different then. Hopefully our big bed will be filled with little feets and thankful bodies. I pray we're still just as in love as we are now, because my future looks amazing with him in it. But, for now, so do my weekends, and the next four days will fly by when you live in moments like these.

Memorializing the weekend

Early dismissal!

shared dinner on a sunny patio

and Graeter's ice cream drenched in jimmies

I watched him dive for volleyballs in the sand

and we contemplated turning on the air.



Sunrise brought photography in a children’s park

lunch at Chick-Fil-A

and a lazy afternoon

BBQ with friends

and sweet strawberries at sundown

we contemplated turning on the air.



Slept past 9 together

a morning hike in the gorge

buffalo burgers at Clifton Mill

my husband had a party

the invite was exclusive

mojitos and almond margaritas were flowing

I spilled some on the floor

an artichoke was steamed and dipped in melty butter

clothing was optional

we played the Wii

and ate leftover meatloaf

I was too tipsy to drive to the movie

but the raisinettes and snow caps sobered me up

we drove home

and then made a U-turn

because I wanted chicken wings

My lips burned from the spicy

so he showed me how to use ranch dressing

as chapstick

our bed was lonely

so we filled it with tired bodies

and we snuggled

and fell sound, sound asleep

too tired to turn on the air.



My husband went to check on his patients

while I snuggled up in bed a little longer

he came home to make me breakfast

A friend and I had pedicures

while husband studied and sipped iced chai

we lunched on pot pie and fried pickles

and went home to play the Wii

my record was broken, a trophy maintained

tubular meats on the grill for all!

He studied

we went to the grocery

I thought about running

he thought about medicine

I thought about how lucky I am

to be married

to him

we headed to bed

...but not before turning on the air.

Which one of these couples would you trust with your life?

My (early) birthday STILL has me feeling giddy (a near record for residual good-moodedness) and I still get to look forward to my actual birthday on Friday. AND we had yummy Chinese food for dinner last night so that definitely helped because the lack-luster Ohio weather isn't.

Have you heard the new Soulja Boy song "Kiss Me Through The Phone"

Baby I know that you like me, you could be my wifey
You can be my Bonnie, I can be your Clyde
Six, seven, eight, triple, nine, eight, two, one, two

I heart this song, it is my jam. But I'm forced to wonder, why does he give out a phone number? How many people do you think have called that number by now? I want to kiss my husband through the phone *all the time* so now I can sing about it.

To complete the random circle that is this post, our friends Kj and B are getting married in a little over three weeks! B and husband have been friends since like forever, I actually think they used to take baths together... so that's probably why husband is in the wedding (which is awesome because he looks HOT in a tux *swoon*). PLUS, the wedding will be my first trip to Minnes-OH-TAH! I think Eskimos live there, so I'll tell you if I see one!

They just got their engagement photos back and I think the pictures make them look very hot, successful and intimidating. Type A power couple. Kind of like, "Yeah, we're in love, but don't even think about fucking with us because we cut people for a living." CHECK IT OUT FOR YOURSELF!


Meanwhile, our pictures gave off this impression: "Dur, uh, it might be romantical if we did that thing where I kiss you in the eye..." In addition to comments that we looked like we were shooting a Viagra commercial. Type A? possible. Power Couple? laughable.


Speaking of weddings, tonight after Yoga I am meeting with our photographer to approve our wedding album (286 days later--totally my fault) Then we're going to grab a beer, because we're tight like that. I'm also going to show off my new camera - maybe she can give me some hot tips!

My picture perfect (early) birthday

Blogging about my (early) birthday present cannot possibly do it justice because of the awesomeness that defines my husband. Only mountains upon mountains of THANK YOU sex will suffice.

I've already told you that I have the best husband in the world, in part due to his complete understanding/encouragement of the idea that my birthday is the best holiday IN THE UNIVERSE. He always brings his "A" game wrapped with thought and surprises, but he has really out done himself this year!!

We celebrated my birthday *FIVE* days early this year - because my mom has to go out of town this week. We went bowling with the fam yesterday and then after consuming massive amounts of Gorgonzola burgers, strawberry salad, almond margaritas, blueberry pie and birthday cake... I opened my presents.

I GOT A SONY SLR CAMERA AND 8-WEEKS OF PHOTOGRAPHY CLASSES
FOR US TO TAKE TOGETHER!!!!

*SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!*

I am *thrilled* beyond belief about this present for a million reasons. Here are a few:

I want to learn how to take awesome pictures so that when I have kids I can document our life (without having to pay someone)

It was such a thoughtful gift because it gives me the opportunity to expand my knowledge base in an area - not because I have to - but because I have a genuine interest in it.

I get to take the classes with my husband - I *LOVE* doing things with my husband. We took dance lessons before our wedding and we spent time together, and danced, and fell in love all over again. It was magical and I'm so excited to take these classes.

Also, my husband is a *very* busy guy with lots on his "plate" right now (he hates dinnerware analogies). He is finishing up his third year of med school, applying for away rotations, thinking about what kind of doctor he wants to be and where would be the best place for residency... you know pretty much HUGE DECISIONS ABOUT THE REST OF HIS/OUR LIFE... but he is going to take three hours every Wednesday night for the next eight weeks to develop a hobby with me. This makes me feel special. Really special.

He surprised me (although he lied about the fact that you can sometimes eat it) and I wouldn't have guessed this in a million years. I am horrible about keeping secrets and even worse at surprising people (mostly him) - but he's great at it and I just love it.

You know what else I love about him? Sunday morning (before I got my presents mind you) from the shower he said this:

"Are you sad you're getting everything today? Would you like me to get you a small gift so you have something to open on your actual birthday?"

The answer was a resounding NO, we're going out to dinner and that's exactly what I want to be doing with him on my actual birthday. My husband has no time and no job and has somehow (yet again) managed to make me feel like the luckiest girl in the entire world. Because getting a camera for my birthday was SO much more than just getting a (totally awesome super frickin' sweet) camera.

Thank you!

Please have patients - and meatloaf.

Tonight I am meeting my darling husband for a dinner date at the hospital cafeteria. If I'm lucky, we'll have dessert in a supply closet. I hope tonight is filled with hairnets and jello molds... but most importantly, a meal with my husband in his doctor costume.

Where is the weirdest place you've ever gone on a date?



***update*** I had a ruben for dinner (and they had caffeine free diet coke!) and it was so nice to see my husband. While we were eating "our song" came on the radio there. Corny, I know, but he actually noticed before I did.

Husband: You know, if it weren't for that lady with the IV bag you wouldn't even know we were in a hospital.

I'm the only one in this relationship who is allowed to wear eyeliner

*I would like to preface this post by saying I love my husband, could never see myself with anyone else, and marrying him was the best thing I've ever done in my entire life. Ever. I hope one day I'll harbor his babies.

THAT BEING SAID (Whew!), I'm feeling spicy today. Edgy. And the later in no way, shape or form describes my actual personality. Today when I arrived at work I immediately decided to visit the barista over in the student union to indulge in a grande Chai latte (god I'm a rebel). As I walked there, I noticed a couple holding hands in front of me. I'd venture to guess neither of them had showered in weeks, yet they were holding hands in a casual, 'JBF' kind of way (apparently, I'm the only one with a no-sex-until-I'm-fresh rule?) I think the guy must have weighed 100lbs soaking wet from the neck down. I say from the neck down because I swear the loaf of dreads on his head weighed another 100lbs. As I watched his grimy locks bounce up and down, I thought to myself... why wasn't I ever edgy? Why didn't I covet the bad boy who needs a (silver) chain on his belt loop to keep from losing his wallet, should it ever fall out of his pocket?

Have you ever done a super grungy guy? Or alternative, how do they say, EMO, guy? I started out swooning after the has-muscles-lacks-brains type of fellow, which I guess proved fun in the sac for the time in your life when a positive pregnancy test would result in you scratching out your insides with a wire hanger. But eventually - when I decided I was done shagging the future Sprint store managers of the world, I went for nerdy-hot (please don't mistake this for pocket-protector-comic-book-geek, they are NOT the same). My first experimentation with nerdy-hot was a bible banging tenor from my college choir. He looked exactly like Sheldon, from the Big Bang Theory, and turned me on to contemporary Christian music and hand jobs - both hobbies were short lived. I fumbled around with randoms from the bar or internet for a while (man, I sound like a slut), still searching for just the right amount of hot-nerd. I practically stumbled upon my husband, his broad chest and blue eyes almost sike you out that he's a jock until you realize he's forgotten more in the last week than you could know in a lifetime (Want proof? try doing disease flashcards with him). I guess the thing that turns me on the most is having someone I can learn something from, become a better person with (and is mega good in bed).


And besides, my sweet husband does have a bass guitar in our basement...maybe one night I can plaster on the black eye make-up and wear some gloves with the fingers cut out while we play edgy-emo-couple GETS. IT. ON.

Who needs stinky dreads and chain wallets when you have a vivid imagination and a husband who doesn't judge.

Sincerely,

Spicy.

because winning IS everything... at least in our house

I know you've been anxiously awaiting this post, probably almost as much as I've been anxiously awaiting my birthday (two months from TODAY!) and I am really excited to tell you about my Valentine's present(s). Prior to VD husband and I had the following conversations:

Husband: What do you want for V day?

Me: Nothing.

Husband: What do you really want?

Me: A bottle of wine, the Cabernet I had the other night with my steak.

Husband: I can do that.

[two days later]

Husband: the wine is in the cabinet.

Me: ....

I think he got the picture that although it was *exactly* what I wanted, the cabinet announcement seemed a little anticlimactic for Valentine's Day. So you can imagine my surprise when there were two gifts waiting for me on Saturday night.

Back story: Husband and I like to compete with one another - mostly because we both like being right (who doesn't?) and we both like to win (again, who doesn't?) so every time we disagree we wage a friendly bet. Our dilemma lies in the fact that because we are married and now share resources (and husband is unemployed) money isn't the best bargaining tool, food is okay and betting for sex seems... well...dirty (although there is a particular kind of sex that husband tries to negotiate EVERY time and I CONTINUE TO TELL HIM IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN IN THIS LIFETIME EW!!!)

So, to that end, we spend our time asking, "What should we bet?" and then just surrender to keeping score in our minds. I'm right more often than he is, partly because his brain is filled with pleural effusion protocols and pharmaceutical side effects, but mostly because my listening skills far surpass his own and I'm just plain right a lot. This month - he just happens to be TWO up on me. First, because we passed a sign while driving and I swore it was spelled with an "e" and we turned around after our bet to find out FUSSNECKER Vacuum DID NOT have an "e" after the 'FUSS' (damn). Second, I bet that Jennifer Aniston's dad in 'He's Just Not That Into You' was Kurt Russel and it turned out IMDB says it's some other hee-haw THAT LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE KURT RUSSEL (he wins again, double damn!)

In the spirit of competitiveness, me being wrong twice in a row (unprecedented, I tell you!) and new-found family traditions...this is what I got for Valentine's Day (complete with ribbons for double/triple/quadruple wins)


Well, actually, for now I have this...


But I swear on dark chocolate that this outhouse will not be sitting on my nightstand for long...

I love my husband every day, but on Saturday I loved him a million...PLUS ONE.

(actually PLUS TWO because he bought the wine at a local wine shop and custom ordered the trophies from a little shop in our town. He spread the February. Smooches GA-LORE for this man.)

My Favorite Things - Holiday Edition

I bet you are all so excited that tomorrow is Valentine's Day! I am too - mostly because I get to sleep in with my hubby! YAY!

Valentine's Day is actually my fifth favorite holiday* 1) Halloween 2) Passover, 3) Cinco de Mayo, 4) St. Patrick's Day and THEN, VD. But that ranking order is always subject to change in any given year and I probably need to add my anniversary to that list this year as well. [*note I am not counting my birthday as a holiday, although it would be #1 if I were]

Here's some fun things for Valentine's Day from *me* to *you*

This button key chain that I bought on Etsy last year.
(note: the seller is Canadian and a total doll!)



These Valentine cards that Kate Spade has on her website



This website where you pawn all of the gifts from your EX (good find Mermanda!)

An if you're SINGLE (put a ring on it!), Obama's speech writer has got it GOIN'ON



Oh, and head over to Le Love and I promise your heart will smile!



And for all of you VD scrooges out there... candy goes on sale this Sunday. Buy some.

(I'll show you what I got husband from Etsy next week - can't ruin the surprise...)

VD Rules!

Remember last year I was in the cranky funk around Valentine's day? No?

Remember when I almost decapitated SEVERAL department store employees with a twizzler?

Remember how our heater broke and we froze our b-holes off?

And that same night I had the balloon dream?

I've forgotten all that even if you haven't. Geesh!

I have good expectations for this year's Valentine's Day. I've helped wage a war on the retail sector of our society by supporting local vendors - spread the February people, SPREAD IT! (I so cannot wait to show you what I got husband for V-Day) Our heater is fine [knock on wood desk] and I'm not planning a wedding [thankstothegoodness]. Yes, this will be a fine day filled with red and pink thoughts, love and husbands. Just one husband, mine. You know how I know?

Because, I sent him this card yesterday.

Kissing more is NOT a problem for me

My class was pretty lame last night and should be manageable except for that the instructor (who looks nothing like a statistician and everything like a man in the trenches of a mid life crisis who’s trying entirely too hard to look cool) wants us to use this software program I frikin' hate to analyze our data. When husband and I were in grad school we “used” the same program, I say “used” because I mostly “used” his answers to complete the assignments – pretty much everyone did. That’s.how.much.it.sucks. So this resolution is going to be a toughie! Wish me luck people.

Speaking of my husband, last night after he told me a tale from the diaries of his surgical rotation about a guy who had a giant needle-containing probe shoved up his well-dilated sphincter, he told me he wants to kiss more (kiss ME more, in case you were confused by the mental picture). THEN he told me about how during the procedure all of the surgeons told him never to have kids because your life is ruined never the same. Great.

To you, Mr. Butthole-needle surgeons, I say, “SHUT. UP.”

Glamour’s MARRIED JAKE wrote an article about how he secretly loves being married to his wife, Orange Blossom and THEY are having a baby. Mathew McConaughy even had one !

This proves that men can come around. And, according to second grade ideology, when it comes to girls, boys and bees, kissing more is the first base step. I think he’s coming around. Don’t you?

Reese and Jake smooching court side!

Bubble Bath Kisses from Le Love (get me a claw foot tub!)

Time doesn't have wrinkles anymore because of botox

When husband and I were on our date to have our rings cleaned last Friday, something unfortunate happened. James Free Jewelers now carries consignment watches. There I found a vintage Rolex just sitting in the case whispering my name in the most expensive voice I've ever heard. I covet that watch and I have spent the last three days trying to find a way to come up with thousands of dollars to procure it as a Holiday present to.my.self. What was your question? Oh. No, our wedding credit card is not paid off. No, my husband didn’t get a job. Yes, we are still pinching pennies. And somehow I’m still dreaming of this watch. I even found a few on Ebay for the low low price of (still) thousands of dollars. The “jubilee” style bracelet dates back to the 80s and I will burst with anticipation if I have to wait six more years (until husband is done with residency) before I can have this watch.

And then I bring myself back to reality.

MY watch. The watch that I wear everyday is quite possibly my second favorite thing my husband has ever bought me. It’s a two-toned Citizen watch with a crystal face. Some of the gold plating has begun to rub off, reminding me of how much I’ve worn it. You see, in July 2004 just before we moved in together we were shopping for a mattress at the going-out-of-business sale at Lazarus (now Macy’s). I noticed the watch in a sale case. I wanted that watch, but couldn’t bring myself to buy it. Days later, when we came back to pick up our bed, I had talked myself into the purchase. I confidently strolled up to the counter, checkbook in hand, only to find that my perfect watch was now gone. Someone else had fortuitously stumbled upon my precious timepiece and actually had the balls to buy it. I sulked for days.

We moved to Dayton and settled into our rental. On my very first day of my very first "big girl" job I hopped out of bed and nervously dressed. As I finished breakfast and said my goodbyes my love informed me that while I looked great, my outfit was not yet complete. He presented me with a watch, the watch, that I had coveted weeks before in the display case. He sneakily purchased it after my wide-eyed afternoon at the jewelry counter and endured weeks of my vocal disappointment. I remember being so happy that morning on my way to work that I forgot about being nervous. I was happy that I had the watch I wanted so badly, but even happier knowing someone I loved went through all that trouble to give it to me at the perfect moment. Come to think about it, I'll hang on to this watch for a while. It has plenty of memories left in it.

My heart is smiling

**update** we've been married 5 months today.
Happy five-monthaversary babe!!