Friday, February 15, 2008

The Ballon Dream

I'm feeling a little better today, I woke up the past few days with an apathy for life in general (notice I did not say appetite). I need things to look forward to, like immediate ones, not things like weddings that seem forever away. My mom is coming to visit tomorrow, to help me pick out flowers. I guess I should look forward to that.

Flowers. Hmmph! They die, they smell funny, and these wedding a-holes feed on your desire to file joint taxes and jack up the price. I swear even carnations are like $25 per stem for weddings. So herein lies the source of my procrastination. I don’t want to pay a ton of money for botany. Unfortunately my subconscious has partnered up with the compulsory planning department of my brain and decided that if I won’t indulge in florarama, the nightmares will ensue [brides on theknot say that nightmares are a common side effect of wedding planning and can start as early as day 1 – luckily mine started on day 159] This is my nightmare:

I am getting ready to marry the love of my life at a recreation center. All of the walls are institutionally white and guests are filing in to sit in the pew-lined gymnasium. I have my dress on but for some reason no shoes. I am getting ready to walk down the aisle and my mom and bridesmaids hand me a helium balloon on a string to carry.

Me: I’m not carrying this!
Them: Yes you are, we all are [I scan back to see each of my four flower girls happily holding a balllon]
Me: balloons are for 6-yr-old birthday parties, NOT weddings!!
Mom: You didn’t order flowers so this will have to do. Anyway, I bought wedding balloons, they’re iridescent white.

I storm out of the rec center, run across the street [in my dress and bare feet mind you] and proceed to rob the Kroger floral department. While robbing them, I complain that they don’t have enough green blooms to match my wedding decor. Oh and did I mention my rabbi’s wife was helping me by holding the door? Yeah, she’s good like that. As I was running back to my wedding ceremony/birthday party all I could think about was that my secrete clininal strength deodorant was a real ass kicker and I should write to the company.

I then wake up, call a florist and thought about writing the deoderant company anyway.

There is only one type of latex I will be dealing with on my wedding day!

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