Tuesday, April 15, 2008

The enemy of all of us here in Oz

Yesterday I briefly mentioned my experience with a strange 8 year-old child in my Weekend Top 10. I wanted to elaborate on the little freak show in case any of you were wondering [I know you were all wondering!]

So I teach Hebrew to little nose pickers on Sundays at the temple [the nose picking BTW was in full swing this week and I amused myself by watching where each child placed the slimy boogers they retrieved…chair, corner of dress, oh and mouth…of course!] Anyway, I had a “visitor” child this week. I’m really not even sure why she was in my class but the Rabbi brought her into the classroom and said “this is [child's name], she will be joining your class today” My three girl students just stared at her until I made them introduce themselves. We were making tiny flashcards of the ten plagues [can YOU name them? Vermin, Cattle Disease, Boils, Frogs, Death of the first born son, Hail, Blood, Locusts, Wild Beasts and Darkness] I asked her if she would like to draw some and she said in her 8, er uh, 30 year-old voice, “No, I prefer to watch. Thank You.” My kids looked at me like “WTF?” I just said, “great we’re almost done, so you can watch”. As she watched me draw a frog she says,

Strange Child: “Hm that frog is actually quite good, but I believe your beasts look entirely too friendly.”
Me: “I think it looks mean, its supposed to be the hyena from Lion King.”
Strange Child: [blank stare]

So after she refused to play the Hebrew game and got way to excited over a Capri Sun we were on our way to services. She refused to pick up a prayer card and sat quietly as we waited to begin. Then she says,

Strange Child: excuse me but part of your leg is touching my seat
Me: Oh I’m Sorry
Me to myself: [WTF!? Why am I apologizing to an 8 year-old]

During the Rabbis Torah story he talked about Passover. There are four questions that are asked by children during Passover. The girl looks at me and says,

Strange Child: I like the second child the best
Me: Oh really? Why?
Strange Child: Because, the second child is wicked.

I swear on hot dogs that I saw her eyes light up red! What the hell was wrong with that kid!? I was so creeped out by her. The art teacher came into my room after the kids had left.

Nice Art Teacher: Did you get a strange vibe from that child?
Me: yeah she creeped me out the entire afternoon
Nice Art Techer: she was only in my room for five minutes and she made me uncomfortable

How do you tell a parent their child is the creepiest pink pants freak you’ve ever met and then swear you saw her eyes light up red? Don’t know, so I told her mom it was my pleasure and we enjoyed having her. In retrospect this was probably a good plan, now Chucky's Daughter wont kill me with a licorice rope and a water balloon.

[this post made me want to listen to the WICKED soundtrack. I *heart* that play]


Jennie! said...

I'm pretty sure that kid was the devil.

KJ said...

Yeah, I gotta agree... Devilchild. Although death by licorice rope might be the way to go.

Also, I love bonding over abortion! Yay! Can't wait to see you in July now that we have blog/abortion/snarkiness bonding that goes beyond the bond that is J and B!