Learn more about the 'parental control' button

In 2004, I received an email that said, “Hello Tamara, Welcome to TheKnot! Congratulations on your engagement.” I had just moved to Dayton and was a little over a year into my relationship. I pondered the email and then picked up the phone.

Scott: Hello?
Me: Did you register me for that knot wedding website thing?
Scott: (giggle, giggle) No, why would you say thaaat?
Me: Scott, I know you did it!
Scott: HAHAHAHA! Okay okay I did it. Do you want the password so you can start planning?
Me: Scott, I’m not engaged! I’m nowhere NEAR engaged!!
Scott: HAHAHA I know, isn’t it hilarious?

When I actually did get engaged in 2007, I asked him to be my Man of Honor... and then asked him for the password to my knot account :)

Fast forward to July. When we arrived home from our honeymoon there was a copy of Working Mother magazine waiting for me. I looked at the cover thinking our mail lady lazily misplaced the parcel (this month I got a copy of Harpers Bazaar that wasn’t mine, I kept it) except it had my name on it. I was freaked out at first, “Uh! I just got married, I don’t need Working Mother. I need how-to-keep-your-sex-life-spicy.” We evaded the constant nagging about our nuptials for years... and now this! Subtle hint maybe? I texted my primary suspect this afternoon:

Me: Did you sign me up for Working Mother magazine?
Scott: No… was I supposed to? Are you preg?
Me: No and No. But SOMEONE signed me up right after the wedding.
Scott: Maybe your vajayjay.
Me: I hate you.

I highly doubt that my vagina subscribed me, so I put my address into their website (that I have NEVER been to) today and this is what it said:

Account Status: Active Paid
Issue Information:
Your current order began with the Jul 1, 2008 issue.
Your subscription will expire with the May 1, 2009 issue.

I threw the first magazine away, but have kept the subsequent issues. I haven’t opened them, mostly because although I am working (if you call this working), I am NOT a mother. But maybe one day my loins will bear fruit and I will actually want to read articles about how to get your husband off the couch and how to monitor if your kid is fishing the internets for nekkid ladies.
Now if you subscribed me, fess up!