My mom says god punishes bad people and I believe her

My mother is the queen of colloquialisms and although she left Long Island over 30 years ago her accent still shines through to give them a little northeastern punch. My mom’s endearing ability to makes up words is weaved throughout the memories of my childhood. I still laugh thinking about how I had no clue they were made up until much (much) later in life. When I was little my mother referred to all “private parts” as wiggies; girls had a wiggy and boys had a wiggy. This ambiguous term made it an easy point of reference when talking to my brothers or me, “Stop poking at your wiggie!” (That phrase was directed at my brothers, of course.) You can imagine my (public) embarrassment when I found out neither were refered to as such.(editor's note: spell check is freaking out about wiggies)

My pronounciations of the words pool, pole, and pull are almost indistinguishable and always a point of (hilarious) contention between my husband and I. The way my mom says sauce (sauhw-s) and coffee (cauhw-fee) makes me smile and the fact that my little brother didn’t like “goils” (girls) until middle school was not an accident. Thanks to my mom, in high school I earned local acclaim for my rendition of the sniffly Adelaide in “Guys and Dolls,” because after all, a poiy-son could develop a cold. My mom loves the word “discombobulated” and calls "half-time," intermission. These quirks and phrases have contributed to my own colorful vocabulary in so many ways. Here are a few of the phrases my mother uses to explain people, things and life in general. I think it sums it up quite nicely.

Uglier than a mud fence
Don’t have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out
All dirty dogs get their day
Colder than a witch’s tit outside
Up shit’s creek without a paddle
Went over like a fart in church
A face only a mother could love
Doesn’t know his ass from his elbow
Bless her heart
A stick in the mud

I thought about this last week when husband and I were out to dinner with Heidi as she uttered the following:“That went over like a turd in a punch bowl!”

After years of my mother’s tutelage, I had yet to hear this one. I.love.it. AND the mental picture that follows! What types of endearing qualities has your mother instilled in you?