Sunday, March 1, 2009

put down the phone, PETA doesn't care

Scene: Lazy Sunday afternoon, two gorgeously attractive married people lounge on the bed with the sunlight streaming in. They watch their adorable kitty basking in the sun, wishing it was springtime and the windows could be opened.

Me: Isn't that the cutest cat you've ever seen?
Him: I wish I had a gift from my ex that I gushed over all the time.
Me: You do, that stuffed rabbit you wouldn't let me throw away.
Him: That's because throwing away stuffed animals is just mean.
Me: What? Are you serious?
Him: Yes, it totally creeps me out. They should never be thrown away, it's just too mean.
Me: What about burned - could you burn them?
Him: [gasp!] No! That's like the slasher version of the Velveteen Rabbit. Seriously, hurting stuffed animals is totally screwed up.
Me: [laughing] Wow, I never knew this about you. How long have you had this thing for stuffed animals?
Him: For as long as I can remember. I came home from college and cut holes in the trash bags that my animals were stored they could breath.
Me: Well, if you give that bunny to our kid one day, we're saying it was from when you were little.
Him: No, we can donate it. Because when you donate things you never know if anything bad happens. Stuffed animals should never be put in the trash. Can you imagine Mr. Bunny all dirty in a trash dump somewhere? Oh, God! The thought just makes me so sad.


Him: Which would you rather eat, a dog or a cat?
Me: Neither.
Him: Which one if you HAD to eat one?
Me: I would not eat dogs OR cats.
Him: So you would die?
Me: I guess so.
Him: What about people? Would you eat people?
Me: No.
Him: So you would die?
Me: I guess...
Him: So you eat cows and pigs, and anything from the ocean it seems... including snails... but you stop at dogs and people?
Me: So would you eat dogs and cats and people?
Him: Yes. The people would be hard. I'd have to be REALLY hungry.

The moral of the story:
According to my husband, cannibalism is acceptable - but throwing away a dingy stuffed rabbit is inhumane. Go figure.


Jennie! said...

I agree with your husband about the stuffed animals. Only I can't give them away, either. I have all of mine stored in the back of my closet because I don't know what else to do with them. said...

This is great!

My husband is anti-throwing away stuffed animals, too.

Crazy boys!