Saturday, March 29, 2008

its a nipple people get over it

So today I went to the outlet malls with my friend Elizabeth and her baby Zoe. Zoe will be one year on my birthday. It was actually her due date and I was thrilled that she came into this world on my birthday and even more thrilled that she came out with red hair!

I realized two things today:
1) Old women are offended by other people's breasts
2) shopping with a baby brings a whole new meaning to shopping.

Elizabeth is still breastfeeding and Zoe is actually very comforted by it. She was beginning to lose in a store so we went to the food court. We were hoping to find a family bathroom with a chair so she could breast feed in private. No luck. No private place So we found a table in the corner of the food court and Zoe descretely had a snack. Apparently the elderly lady sitting next to us did not appreciate it. She looked at us in HORROR - like feeding a child from a teet was like whipping your cock out in public. I wanted to scream "I have nipples Focker can you milk me!" - but then again any time someone talks about breast feeding I want to say that. What I really wanted to say was, "get over it you old bag, you probably pee your pants" but in the end I just looked at her and smiled like "yep she's breast feeding her hungry baby and we are in public - deal."

Now on to the bigger problem. Shopping changed today. I have to be in the mood for it, but when I am, I can shop with the best of them. Sale racks, try on rooms, clearance clothing - all can soothe my spirit on a PMS day. Today we found ourselves skimming the racks, and eye the clothing through a whole new lens. We were buying our time in each store waiting patiently for Miss Z to blow up. Trying on stuff was a definite no for Elizabeth unless I was holding or pushing the stroller. "Wow", I thought to myself - "shopping is going to be a pain!" I picture myself as a mother all of the time, but I mostly picture myself exactly the same except for a have a cute baby boy[with curly hair and an inny belly button]. He never cries or shits in my imagination either. I feed him and sing to him and I think about how perfect he is. but I realized today that I really love my child-free life. I love shopping, going out to eat and flitting off with no where to be and nothing to do. I often find myself in Barnes & Noble wishing I could speed read as I scan the chick lit, or thumbing through clothes at Platos Closet wondering who previously owned a white leather rhinestone belt. I never picture a baby at those outings. Am I delusional? Yes, most definitely, yes.

Some days I feel totally ready to be knocked up - today was not one of them. Zoe was an angel and we actually shopped for almost 4 hours without her making a peep. I bought a dress to wear to the Academy of Medicine Dinner at Black House White Market for $20 and we offended an old bag with my friend's nipple. Over all a very productive day. Cheers to credit cards and breast milk!
This is a picture of Miss Z, althought you cannot see her red hair I think this is the cutest thing I have ever seen. She is thinking hard about whether or not she likes snow. Verdict was... yes!

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