Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Happy Easter from Hustler of Hollywood

So we had a nice Easter weekend. I know you say, Jews don’t celebrate Easter. Well FI’s stepmother is a Methodist minister (his life is genealogical nightmare – nuff said) so we always attend Easter services in rural Kentucky. I like singing the hymns. The lyrics could be “Huckabee is awesome and so is poverty” and I would still probably sing them. The bottom line is just because you sing something doesn’t mean you believe it. I mean 'Ring Around the Rosy' is about getting high on opium – and we let KIDS sing it! So I can sing all about how Jesus Christ is risen today – Ha-a-a-a-le–loo–oo-yah. We usually have to sit in the front row because we are the pastor’s family but this time we were late and got to sit in the back of the balcony- which also means we got to screw around. At one point I played this brain sucker game on FI – we’ve played this joke for the last five years and not once has he ever remembered the punch line.

Me: [moving hand around on FI’s head] This is a brain sucker
FI: [starting to giggle]
Me: Do you know what it’s doing?
FI: [laughing more and mumbles] um… eating or something?
Me: NO! Oh my god, seriously??! We have played this a million times!
FI: [laughing uncontrollably during the confirmation readings]
FI: [laughing more, tears coming out of his face and giggling audibly]
Me: It’s STARVING! That’s always the punch line!!

By this time we are both laughing hysterical. You know the type of laughing that gets worse as you realize you shouldn’t be laughing. Then you stop to catch your breath only to begin laughing again. His dad is looking at us like we are crazy, but didn’t tell us to stop laughing so we continued. Finally FI caught his breath.

FI: What is the punch line again? It’s hungry?
Me: NO!!

Anyway – then we always go to someone’s house to eat. Last year we sat down at the table to jello [with bits of something inside] nestled on a bed of lettuce and a big white dollop on top. As I reach my fork for the white pile FI grabs my leg and says “don’t eat that” um why not I say – he says, “because its full fat mayo and those are carrot bits inside!” WTF? OMG how sick is that!! Vegetable jello on lettuce with mayo! I googled it when I got home and it’s called perfection salad. Perfectly nauseating in my opinion. Anyway, so this year was better there was a nice spread with ham and casseroles. I was reminded that I hate Tabouli salad and FI dug in to what he thought was chicken and dumplings – only to find out it was shrimp and grits. Moral of the story – don’t eat food in rural Kentucky.

We had a lovely drive back to Ohio that Easter afternoon. We ate the shit out of some ribs on a stop at Montgomery Inn in Cincinnati - bibs and all! We had a whirlwind tour of the new IKEA, arriving 45 minutes before closing and barely scratched the Swedish surface. And last but not least, we stopped into the Hustler Hollywood store before making our way back to Dayton. Doesn’t everyone go to Hustler on Easter?

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