Our neighbors suck. We thought that moving to suburbia would be fun. We pictured the welcome wagon delivering fresh baked pies and visions of jubilant summers as we roll out the Slip'N'Slide at the yearly block party and coast side-by-side down that slick yellow brick road. Nope. No pies. No wet plastic. Our neighbors are assholes. They have some weird allegiance to the crazies who we bought our house from and so most of their time is spent either ignoring us or spying on us.
So our newest fiasco is the alleged theft of our recycling bins. Being the planet-savers that we are, our household nessesitates two bins per week. We fill them to the brim with appropriately numbered plastic, aluminum and glass. I guess its kind of assumed that when you put out bins and trash cans - they will be there [emptied] when you return home that evening. Oddly enough, the cans are there but several times now we have been left with one bin. FI didn’t think anything of it at first and called for the company to drop off another bin. When we again had two bins, our next door neighbor [we call them The Jews, because although they rarely speak to us, they are jewish as well] came over and said to FI
Mr. Jew: “you stole my recycling bin”
FI: “no I didn’t”
Mr. Jew: “I had two and now I have one!”
FI: “well I called and had the company drop me off another one so someone else must have taken yours. Sorry”
Okay so now we are being accused of theft? Whatever. This time right after the blessed 12/25th another bin goes missing. We were gone for a few days so they did sit out on the curb longer than ususal – they must have looked either extremely lonely or just flat out temping to our local recycle-bin-klepto. Anyway the second bin was gone [it might look suspicious if they took both right?]. After a few months of overflowing reusable materials I was fed up and called the company again today.
Me: “hello, I need another recycling bin”
Her: “looks like we’ve already dropped off three to your address”
Me: “I know but our neighbors keep stealing them”
Her: “did you report it to the police? That is stolen property you know.”
Me: “great thanks for defining that for me, but we have no way of proving they stole it when they all look the same”
Her: “okay, we will drop off another, but you need to keep an eye on this one”
Me: “I actually plan on putting a secret code on the bottom in black sharpie marker so that I can nab the culprit red-handed!”
Her: “oh…okay.”
Call the police my ass! I called the police one morning when I woke up and my mailbox had been dug out of its cement hole – stake and all – and was laying on my front porch. Then I looked around and everyones mailbox was gone. When the cop finally got around to my house, he tried to help me put it back in the ground only to find three wasps nests inside. We were running away arms flailing and spraying like hell to try to get them away from us. I don’t think fighting wasps was in his job description, but mail IS important.
No no, I will track down this recycle-thief on my own. I can’t wait to see the look on his/her face when I unveil my secret code on the stolen bin!
Can you believe she said "keep and eye on it?" WTF??
3 comments:
Dumbass neighbors. I'll TP them or damage their property if you want me to! That'll teach 'em!
you could steal their recycle bin...
We don't have one, so I could do that...just tell me which bastard to take it from!
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