This week on The Collective they are responding to a random, oddly numbered, survey that was probably posted on MySpice or something like that. I have no motivation to think up a witty, charming, uDDerly hilarious post for you to feast on this afternoon so by default you get, well, this.
ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT?
I have a scar on the inside of my ankle from where I dropped a window fan on it in college. Every time my husband sees it we have this conversation.
Husband: Where did you get that scar?
Me: I’ve told you seventy zillion times.
Husband: Oh. I forget again.
2. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW?
I can’t tell you, but if you’re sitting near my cubical at 11:11 you might hear me whisper it in a wish.
3. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN?
Sometime during the day or night.
4. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD?
5. THE BEST TV SHOW EVER CREATED:
This question makes me feel yucky - it's too big and exclusive. I guess Big Bang Theory but if you would have asked me ten years ago I would have said 90210
6. THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO?
an annoying cycling instructor
7. DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DARK?
Am I alone? Then, yes.
8. THE LAST PERSON TO MAKE YOU CRY?
9. HOW MANY WISDOM TEETH DO YOU HAVE?
None, they are in heaven with my tonsils and my gallbladder.
10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE COLOGNE / PERFUME?
Currently, Miss Cheri by Dior or Michael Kors Island
But 16 years ago it was Sunflowers or Loves Baby Soft, am I right ladies?
11. WHAT KIND OF HAIR/EYE COLOR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Hair and eyes are overrated.
12. WOULD YOU RATHER BE SMART OR FUNNY?
I’m brilliant AND hilarious so it’s hard for me to judge those lesser than I.
13. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINKS?
I haven’t consumed caffeine in over three years.
14. IF YOU COULD EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
An entire NY pizza – extra crispy, extra cheese. I’ve never even eaten three pieces, but a girl can dream
15. WHO IS THE LAST PERSON YOU MADE MAD?
Probably my dad, but I'm pissed at him anyway so, seriously, whatever. I want to punch him in the face.
16. DO YOU SPEAK ANOTHER LANGUAGE?
No. But I teach Hebrew to 3rd graders – go figure!
17. DO YOU LIKE SOMEONE?
I am obsessed with Taye Diggs, but I have no idea if I’d like him.
18. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING?
Isn’t everyone we love leaving at some point?
19. WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO TELL SOMEONE HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO YOU?
Don’t throw away their nasty boxer briefs no matter how many shreds and holes they have in the crotch.
20. WHAT ANNOYS YOU MOST?
Feeling like I’m waiting for my real life to begin.
21. HAVE YOU BEEN OUT OF THE U.S.?
Canada, Mexico, England, Caribbean and the District of Columbia
22. YOUR WEAKNESSES?
Sales, hot nerds and neck kisses.
23. IF YOU COULD GET PLASTIC SURGERY WHAT WOULD IT BE?
One day I might want new boobies. I would also like to NEVER wax my eyebrows again.
24. WHY DID YOU FILL OUT THIS SURVEY?
Because I suck at being original and like to kype other people's prompts.
25. ARE YOU TOO SHY TO ASK SOMEONE OUT?
In college, I called up this smokin' hot football player from my organic chemistry class and told him I wanted to sleep with him.
26. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST?
My hair from other people, my boobs from my husband. Because if everyone complimented my boobs it would just get weird.
27. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF ALCOHOL BECAME ILLEGAL?
Probably have to research it when people start using it intravenously.
28. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT?
“Children are a heritage of the Lord…We let the Lord decide”
– The Duggars and the creepy people from this NPR story
29. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
An inkling my mom had when I was about to bust out of her uterus.
30. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY?
Two Sunday’s ago on our way to Walmart which prompted husband to pull the car over in the parking lot of a tractor supply store to slap some sense into me. Thankfully, it worked and we didn't have to buy a tractor.
31. ANY BAD HABITS?
I quit biting my nails a month before I got engaged. I love to smoke, but don't. And I curse a lot but have no shitting idea how to stop.
32. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
If I were another person who listens to conservative talk radio, hates cats and sews my own clothing – then no. Otherwise, sure, I’m a blast!
33. DO YOU KNOW ANYONE FAMOUS?
I see Dave Chappelle almost every time I go to Yellow Springs. The last time, I was eating outside and he STARED AT ME while passing by on his skateboard wearing a wife-beater tee. Here people are doing everything in their power NOT TO STARE AT HIM, and HE STARED AT ME. Unfair. Stop it Dave! So I decided the next time I see him, I am staring. True. Story.
so did Jennie
34. DO LOOKS MATTER?
In modeling but apparently not prostitution.
35. HOW DO YOU RELEASE YOUR ANGER?
Cycling – although I hear snorting crush Xanax(R) works like a charm. I also punch people in the face a lot.
36. DO YOU TRUST OTHERS EASILY?
I’m gullible as hell, it’s a genetic trait I inherited from my mom.
Me: You never listen to a thing I say!
Me: I SAID, YOU NEVER LIS…
Me: I want to punch you in the face.
37. FAVORITE THOUGHT PROVOKING SONG:
"Front Porch Looking In" by Lonestar
(no, I don't heart country - but this one, I like)
38. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR?
My birthday. Hands down. My birthday.
39. FAVORITE EXPRESSION?
I KNOW, right?
2 days ago