Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Go go gadget clam!

I wish it would snow a million blizzards this afternoon and my stats class would be cancelled like last week. I’m not that lucky. My mid-term is a week from today and I have no idea what I am doing. Every time I do the homework, I look at the notes and apply whichever example the professor did in the notes to the homework. Is that learning? What in the hizzell am I going to do when I can’t use my notes on the mid-term? Did I mention I have taken three other stats courses? Why can’t stats stick in my head like the Jarrod’s jingle? (omg don't sing it!) Instead, the information sits in the pit of my stomach in an anxious knot just waiting to be shit out the other end never to be retrieved again. That’s how I earned myself a big fat 'C' in graduate school hence, the reason I am torturing myself with stats class in the first place. I am eager to show my dedication to ongoing statistical enlightement – but landing myself another big fat 'C' will NOT give me any props when it comes around the applying to doctoral programs. Interviewer: Ah, I see you still suck at statistics. Hhrumph!

One day our professor took off his winter hat and (unbeknownst to him) his hair was standing straight up like a mohawk. Straight up I tell you! So much that I had to bite my lip to stop from busting into uncontrollable giggles every time I looked at him. Our ex-roomie is in the class with me and spent the entire class period trying to secretly take a picture of the professor's hair on his iphone. Imagine how hard this is when you sit in the front row of a class with 9 people. Also imagine how much stats I learned that day. Zilch is the answer.

Our professor also likes to show us random data sets and ask us questions related to the set without any prior knowledge. Like this one:
As you can see the water increased in temperature. What do you suppose happens to the clams as a result of the increased temperature?
How the shit should I know? Maybe it makes them feel like they have to pee (do clams pee?) He waits silently until some poor idiot (finally!) attempts an answer to the ridiculous question (Um, they die?) which the professor follow up with this:
No. No, the clam length actually increased as a result of the warmer water.
Gee Wiz, Thanks! Now I don't know squat about stats but I know clams grow in warm water. Awesome.

Dear Stats: I hate you with the fiery passions of all loathing and possibly even more than I hate Abbie Cornish , Insane Clown Posse and that damn Jarrod's jingle.


Heidi said...

That's Jarrod.

Tam said...

I hate you.

and it's more like "Thaaaa-tsszzz Jaa-rahd"

Mermanda said...

LOL @ Straight up I tell you!

P.S. I get a lot of crap in my head... but usually this (local?) commercial: "Call mister waaaaater heaaaater!" The voice sounds like it's all bubbly and underwater. Like he's gargling. It's so annoying. And so awesome. :)

Mermanda said...

OH SHIT! I found it online. You must watch: http://www.mrwaterheater.com/

Mermanda said...

er... that didn't paste very well... let's try again:


Tam said...

OMG that is the most annoying water heater I've ever met! It sounds like he is gargling salt water!