Where in the world is Juan SanDiego?

I'm a new woman. I changed my name. I dropped my middle name, made my maiden name my middle name, and added the new last name. Apparently this is a hard concept for people to understand. I received my new ATM card and it has my first name, my old middle initial and two last names. Even though I signed the papers – exactly – how I wanted my new name to read. AND online it says my old name, and I can’t access half my accounts!? What the hell?

Speaking of my new name, my new SS card came in the mail yesterday. How does my brand new card already look icky and dingy? It’s like this used, crusty paper that they print them on. I think they want the cards to look “vintage.” I always thought my card looked like that because it was SO OLD. Guess not. Anyhow this is how the conversation went.

Scene: Two gorgeously attractive married people are home from work and sorting through the mail. Wife and Dear Husband converse:

Me: I got my new Social Security Card
DH: ...
Me: Will you put it in the safe for me, I can’t reach
DH: [opens the envelope and looks at the card] SUCCCCKER!!!
Me: Why I am a sucker?
DH: For marrying ME!

Life has been crazy since we got home from our honeymoon.

Sunday morning July 20 10:30am
Me: DH! DH! Are you here?
DH: Yes
Me: Why didn’t you say goodbye to me before going to the airshow?
DH: I didn’t go to the air show, I’m still here.
Me: Why are you still here?
DH: Do you really want to know?
Me: Yes…
DH: Our basement is flooded.

Monday morning July 21 7:00am
Me: [sits up in bed] Is everything okay?
DH: Do you have the receipt from the ATM withdrawal we made in Mexico?
Me: Yes, It’s on the TV. Why?
DH: Do you really want to know?
Me: um.. yes…
DH: Someone stole all of our money.
Me: What you mean someone stole our money?
DH: Someone got our ATM # in Mexico and drained our bank account. We have negative thirteen dollar and fifty six cents
Me: Shit.

So on Sunday DH and my dad sucked water out of our basement and Monday we spent at the police station and the bank. Apparently there was a skimmer device on the ATM in Mexico that takes a scan of your number and pin. They can then make a copy of your card and use it to drain your cash. The bank has to go through a fraud investigation and then we “should” get our money back. In the meantime – we’re poor, well poorer than before, and Juan is running around with our bill/wedding money.

DH: You know what the worst part about this is… I bet that person who stole our money is not using it for noble causes.

We can all hope that some entrepreneurial Mexican is spoon feeding chickpeas to homeless babies with our money. At least that’s what we’ll tell ourselves…