She had them Apple Bottom Jeans, Boots with the fur, whole club lookin' at her

Our wedding day was the most amazing day of my entire life. I know that sounds totally cliché to say things like “amazing” and “magical” and “beautiful” about a 24 hour period, but I swear people it was surreal. It’s going to take me a million posts and I still won’t be able to tell you every detail about how great it was.

The entire week was so great starting with, *my bachelorette party*. Heidi and Scott planned a kick ass time and 15 of us got all cutesied up and went out on the town. We started at the wine gallery – where we ate a posh meal and each chose a different flight of wine. It was like the calm before the storm. We chatted and sipped wine and laughed and it was really great. Well until the wrinkly, 60 year-old waitress says:

Waitress: So you’re getting married and you bring your boyfriend to your bachelorette party?
[My intended response]: “No you old bag, he’s my man of honor. Gay. Gay. Gay. He wouldn’t touch me with a ten foot pole and from the looks of his popped collar and man-bag you should know he’s a flamer! Get with the picture… Girls. Night. Out. (and Scott)
Me: …

Next we went next door to therapy café for $5 martini night. Everyone got along swimmingly which just made me so happy. Well, everyone but “A” who we’re pretty sure is prego after she wouldn’t drink the entire weekend and sat down during our wedding ceremony [more to come on that story later]. There were a bjillion multicolored martini’s being consumed – my favorite being a grape one. Finally these nasty guys wouldn’t stop putting straws in my cousin's back pocket and insisted on leaning over the wall to stare at our group in the creepiest way possible… so we left.

This is the point that my party turns from a sophisticated girls night to a trashed-up bachelorette party. As we are all walking three blocks across town at 11pm [my mom and aunt included!] to the gay bar, Scott pulls out of his man-bag the appropriate accessory trashy items that every soon-to-be wife must wear. I got a sash that said “bachelorette” and a veil [with penises on it]. He then passed out “party girl” sashes to everyone else along with glow in the dark penis straws, which were very well received. After I posed in front of a van advertising strippers and my cousin flashed her fake I.D. in front of her mom - it was time to dance. My belly was sloshing after a flight at the wine bar, the martinis, a glow shot that kj bought for me, and a beer… I almost puked up the double shot of buttery nipple that my mom bought us all [It’s her favorite shot, so we had to do one.] Watching my mom and my aunt dance to Apple Bottom Girls, surrounded by homosexual people and a mostly naked and very gay shot boy [whom kj flirted with most of the night…] was a memory I will have FOREVER. Scott is an even better dancer than I remembered and this night reminded me of so many nights in college that we shook our booties at the club. I totally heart Scott and all of my friends that made this night so special. It also made a lasting impression on my mom and aunt who requested the song again at our wedding reception only to get a weird looks and this response from our DJ, “Um, I don’t have stuff like that.” We had a blast and I was in bed by 2:15am. Job well done ladies!!