Thursday, April 3, 2008

Where the kisses are hers and hers and his...


So as I mentioned yesterday, I am trying to hook up my super single friend, B, with my favorite blogger, Jennie. I have told them both about each other, in raw unadulterated terms of course, and hoped it would result in a chance (er, uh, arranged slash forced) meeting.

Yesterday, I got an email from B, with some concerns. Paraphrased (er, uh, plagiarized) as follows: [in my mind, for some reason, the "modest apartment" was the Three's Company house]

Scene One: Living room of a modest apartment. Two people, on opposite ends of a long couch, are reading from their respective books. A telephone rings.

B: ...
Jennie: ...
B: Phone's ringing.
J: Yeah.
B: (turns page) Think they'll leave a message?
J: I really hate being interrupted when I'm reading.
B: Yeah, me too. Sometimes I even turn off my cell phone.
J: Can you not talk to me right now? (Turns a page.) I'm reading.

Scene Two: A bedroom. One small bedside lamp provides the only light in the room. The woman is sitting up in bed, reading from a small booklight. A man enters.

B: Hey, babe.
Jennie: Ehhhh.
B: What's up?
J: Uh, nothing. It's just - it's just that my friend Tamara said you were muscular.
B: Really? Oh. Well, I mean, does it bother you that I'm not?
J: Well, it's just that...you're kind of built like a twelve-year-old.
B: Hey, c'mon, that's not fair. I'm not built like a twelve-year-old...
J: Yeah, like a twelve-year-old albino bearcub or something.
B: Well, but I'm doing push-ups when I wake up in the morning.
J: Yeah, right. You do eight push-ups, and then you get all sore. (She moves out of bed, goes to phone.)
B: What are you doing now?
J: (Into the phone) Hello, Tamara? I hate you!

I have come to the conclusion that these are both plausible scenarios. Futhermore, I have concluded that the first date will not involve books nor will it occur in a bedroom. Furthermost, I have come to my final conclusion when I say readers can't be choosers. [endearing cliche adapted for this scenario].

5 comments:

Jennie! said...

I'm a little offended that you even thought the first date might occur in the bedroom. What kind of girl do you think I am?

Also, this post made me think of bearcubs doing push-ups and now I can't stop giggling.

The end.

Tam said...

I know what kind of girl you are and I'm hoping you wont tell him until at least the third date.

Jennie! said...

Is Heidi spreading rumors about me again?

Heidi said...

Rumors...truths...aren't they the same?

Jennie! said...

Ouch, Heidi. You made my heart sad.