Tuesday, April 22, 2008

A girl told me my lips looked like somebody had pressed strawberry yogurt against my face

So my birthday is over but it still lingers in spirit. Do you know that I was in the airport on Thursday and at least four people checked my ID – but not one of them said “happy birthday”. I almost went up to the counter and demanded a satisfaction survey, but seeing as though I arrived at the airport 30 minutes before my flight took off… I was short on time. I have a little case of the latesies but it is definitely something I’m working on along with brushing my very back molar and not telling people when I hate them. I will get to revisit my birthday on Saturday when FI takes me to the Newport Aquarium and to the Melting Pot for fondue. I’m pretty excited about that.

Anyway, today is earth day so I was sitting at my desk thinking about yogurt. As I was eating it, I wondered if I could scoop it out of the little plastic cup with my little plastic spoon and build a mound of it on my desk. I concluded that indeed I could build a yo-castle out of the “thick and creamy” variety but not so much with the Yoplait Light. I also concluded this might be frowned upon at work and I don’t know how clean my desk is.

Yogurt is so weird because almost everyone eats it. I eat it. I actually don’t even like it but I tell myself that I like it. I also tell myself it’s my medicine and I am doing my body good by choking it down. I think thats why when you open the yogurt on the inside of the lid it says "please try again". It should actually say something motivational like "you're aleady a fat ass why not eat cheetos?" I also get pissed when people say, “I actually DO like yogurt.” Shut up. And then I say to them [in my head], “Would you seriously rather have thick slimy milk over ice cream?” Now, in the national diary rankings, yogurt is definitely above cottage cheese [which I also eat and don’t like] but nowhere close to ice cream or even the distant cousin…frozen yogurt. Seeing as though I’ve confessed I don’t like yogurt it’s strange just how much of it I actually eat. I eat light yogurt, thick and creamy yogurt, soy yogurt and every morning I drink Kefir. Kefir is like “go-gurts for adults” it’s the drinkable yogurt. A friend told me about it when she was pregnant. Apparently if you have any affinity for fecundity the probiotics in Kefir are a huge plus. It’s like extra credit for pregos, along with those fish oil pills that make your burps smell like salmon. It restores your inner ecosystem [nice terms for helps your gut and vag]. This bacteria-laden flavored yo-drink apparently also does wonders for heartburn. You can find it in your local grocer [walmart doesn’t carry it] and in my opinion the best flavors are peach and blueberry. The vanilla is gagalicous – so avoid it at all costs. So the next time you dig into your favorite or in my case UNfavorite milky snack – think about WHY you are eating it. Because it sure as hell isn’t because you like it! Sorry, it’s just not.

4 comments:

Jennie! said...

Yogurt makes me gag but I eat it every day.

KJ said...

My mom invented Go-Gurt. True story.

Also, I cannot tolerate probiotic yogurt drinks. My mom used to make me drink them whenever a doctor put me on antibiotics for anything. I'm pretty sure that's where I learned how to do shots.

Tam said...

Jennie - we're sisters.

kj if your mom invented Go-Gurt why aren't you paying for my wedding?

How are you going to be an OBGYN if you hate probiotics!? You might just need to suck up the yo-drinks for the sake of fecundity. Then again, you'll aways have the fish burps!

Heidi said...

Jacky freezes hers at work. I freeze the orange cremesicle kind because then it's like eating an orange cremesicle.