asking people to do their jobs is asking a lot

So it’s been a while since I talked about wedding drama. And seeing as though our wedding is in 86 days [yikes] I have been a little freaking out. Three months and I don’t have my dress altered, haven’t met with our coordinator, haven’t gotten my mom’s veil fixed, no bridesmaids dresses yet and FI hasn’t seen the inside of a gym in over a year! [just kidding budda!] Anyway, our latest drama is with the limo. FI really wants a limo to take us [and the wedding peeps] from the temple, to the pictures, to the reception. All of this is a total of maybe 5 miles and one hour. Seeing as though weddings end up being all about what the bride wants, mostly because the groom doesn’t give a flying shit about napkin folds or calligraphy [and if you think your man will be different – either he’s gay or you owe me five bucks!] if he wants a limo he will have a limo. Word of advice ladies, if FI says he cares about something [which like I said will happen little to never] let him have it or you are a giant bitch [in my opinion].

Well apparently limos companies do not need meet your needs. Most have a 3-hr minimum priced at $100-$195 per hour. Then they tack on a 5% fuel charge, 6.5% sales tax, and 20% gratuity for the driver. I.shit.you.not.

We could not afford this ridiculousness so one of my fellow “knotties” who I helped get a deal on kegs since we have the same reception place, told me she knew a guy and he would help me out. So I called him up, he answered the phone as if he were a 14 year old kid almost yelling my ear off.

Limo sir: oh oh, you’re that friend of sisson’s yeah I’ll get you a super stretch for 2hrs for $215 out the door
Skeptical me: Um what does ‘out the door’ mean?
Limo sir: total – tax, gratuity,everything – you’ll get the red carpet service.
Skeptical me: okay can you send me a contract?
Limo sir: yep, okay I gottcha down – later!
Skeptical me: wait, you didn’t take my name or anything?
Limo sir: oh, right, yeah [takes info, possibly writes it down] I’ll have my secretary get a contract to you tomorrow.
Skeptical me: [you have a secretary?] bye.

After three weeks and no word from him I call again on a very snowy afternoon.

Skeptical me: hi um, we talked about a limo for my July 4th wedding three weeks ago?
Limo sir: Um…Oh! Oh yeah!...what’s up?
Skeptical me: I never received a contract.
Limo sir: Well, im kinda busy moving snow right now, but I’ll have my secretary get right on it. I own some plows too.
Skeptical me: [do you even have a secretary?! Plows and limos?] okay do you need my info again?
Limo sir: nope – I’ll get it in the mail

I hung up remembering I never gave him a mailing address – because he said he wanted to send it via email. That was almost two months ago, and after calling around to a few more companies and realizing, yet again, that we cannot afford them, FI called mr. limo sir and demanded we get a contract this week. There again was a lack of information taken but we did receive the contract this week addressed:
Mr. Jeremy
XXXX Limpliter lane
[spelled out appropriately would be Lamplighter, just as FI explained]

We looked at it SKEPTICALLY. Today FI IM’ed me at work.

FI: Are we going to hold off on that limo guy or just go ahead
Me: do we have a choice?
FI: probably not, and all he has to do is drive
FI: unfortunately we will have to deal with a sign on the back of the limo that reads “Jost Merryed”

The end.