Thursday, April 10, 2008

If you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweetie...wipe the seatie!!

There is always a line in the bathroom at work between 12 and 1. Since I work at a university I have to use the same restroom as the grimy college kids and class seems to let out around lunch time. There are three stalls in the bathroom. Two regular stalls and one handicapped stall that doesn’t have a door, it has a white shower curtain. Its extra wide so that must be why there isn’t a door – but every time I use it I think of the Wizard of Oz. The toilet in that bathroom is also SUPER high off the ground, my feet don’t touch the ground when I am on it. This stall also makes my much practiced “hover” method impossible. So today I enter the first stall and as I go to shut the door I see the porcelain seat is scattered with urine. The CARDINAL [why don’t they say Robin or Blue Jay?] rule when executing the hovering maneuver is – wipe up the ricochet. Rude. In the event that my quivery thighs give out on an extra long pee or I am just too lazy and plop down, I absolutely HATE getting other people’s urine on my buttocks and thighs. Why people!? Why!? Wipe it up, its YOURS! Because of this yellow seat decoration, I was forced to step behind the curtain. It creeps me out and I was tempted to yell out , “the great and powerful Oz has peed!”

On a totally unrelated note. I have been having trouble with acne. It’s not nearly as bad as some people have, but since I never experienced it as a teenager and the fact that my wedding is in three months [again, YIKES!] it is driving me nuts. My skin is very sensitive, I’m a sensi I guess, and all of the gels and creams my derm give me burn the living hell out of my skin. So after I use them my face is red, burning, dry and STILL has zits! I brought my frustration to her attention about three weeks ago and she suggested acutane. Um, isn’t that the drug that makes your baby have three heads? I promptly refused this option – she then continues to tell me how “safe” it is, “it’s vitamin A, kind of like eating three bags off carrots a day, it’s a cure not a treatment.” Not that I am pregnant or getting pregnant any time soon, but I am working hard to worship my body as the caffeine-free, cycling temple that it is and this treatment just doesn’t jive. So, after she pressured me yet a third time and made me put my name on the 30-day waiting list [yeah real safe, you can buy a gun or have an abortion quicker than you can get this drug] I decided she sucks. One of FI’s medical school classmates gave me her regimen. She wants to go into derm [overpaid, underworked excuse for medicine] but likes natural therapies. She recommended a ton of crap and I have been lathering the odd and sundry products on my face as “prescribed” for the last three weeks. I am happy to report I have no blemishes and I hope it lasts. I have used expensive Clinique products for over five years and I have come to the conclusion that they suck. Here is the run down... if you’re interested. These are oil-free products, some with natural ingredients.

At night and in the morning wash your face with Neutrogena Visibly Even Face Wash ($6.50), this soy-based formula with light exfoliate is perfect, it also smells great!

At night use Neutrogena Visibly Even Night Serum ($12) – the bottle is small but you only need a very small dab and I think it works well.

If you have a blemish, cover with 10% Benzoyl peroxide cream. Looks like you had an accident with the toothpaste but it really works.

In the morning after washing your face, use Neutrogena ALCOHOL Free Toner (blue bottle, white cap $5) and follow with Neutrogena Pore Refining Moisturizer ($12). Again, the moisturizer comes in a small bottle but you only need a very very small amount. You can go light on your t-zone.

She also SWEARS by Bare Minerals make-up. A mineral based powder that goes on evenly[don't buy it online or off the infomercial - they ship it to you way too frequently]. The starter kit is $60 (sold at sephora or, even ebay) but I guess it lasts 6 months or more. I opted for a cheaper version from E.L.F ($20) because I wanted to try it. So far it’s been great, and I think I might splurge on the real deal once I run out of this.

Jennifer Aniston also claims that drinking lots of water throughout the day helps her skin say clear and hydrated [apparently it makes your tits non existant too!] Okay Jennifer, I’ll humor you too!

Cheers to pee-free seats and clear skin!


Jennie! said...

I drink water constantly and I haven't noticed my boobs shrinking, if that helps.

Tam said...

i've noticed.

Jennie! said...

Why are you paying so much attention to my boobs?