Monday, March 17, 2008

most definately a PEBCAC error - Problem Exists Between Computer And Chair

I am getting a new computer. Some of me is excited and most of me doesn’t care. Very much like the new cell phone I got and I still don’t know how to work half the frickin’ features. FI is a computer nerd of sorts [like the hottie hot Jim-from-The-Office type not the steve erkle type]. He got me RAM for one of our first christmas’s together – that was almost a deal breaker. Anyway, in grad school he rebuilt me a computer out of old parts [some of his parts, some of my parts] it was like our first offspring. Anyway he said his parts used to randomly shut down but he had remedied the problem [collective AMEN]. I have been happily using this cloned-computer for about four years now, and then last month, when I was knotting away… screen goes black. Okay – it turned off. I waited and it turned back on. Weird but whatever - I began to reopen a b-zillion internet tabs and continued look at wedding shit. Well, the computer either hates wedding shit or hates me. Off. I turn it back on. OFF. I think it ‘s sick again. FI gets mad when I freak out about computer stuff so I put on my calm face and told him about my inability to dick around on the internet. He said, “uh oh”. When he says “uh-oh” that means we have to spend money on computer shit. I would much rather spend money on clothes or buy a new cat but I definitely don’t want to spend money on computers.

Anyway, I guess we were “in the market” for a computer [when do you say “I am out of the market” for something?] I don’t care what computer I get just as long as I can resume my knot obsession. I did ask if I could have a pink one, but he said no that only shitty computers come in pink as a marketing ploy for teenage girls to buy them. Okay, no pink, then I resume my party line – I DON’T CARE. He asked me if I wanted a lap top – I said I don’t care. He asked me if I wanted a desktop – I said I don’t care. I said I’d prefer to have a mouse because fondling that little velvet clit in the middle of the laptop keyboard just doesn’t rock my world. But other than that I don’t care and unless you want to see me turn a 2 syllable word into a 6 syllable word I re-he-he-he-heally think you should stop asking what kind of computer I want. I check email, I write in word documents, I use power point and I open 60 tabs at once on the internets. So after about a month of the I DON’T CARE discussion, I guess FI bought me one. It’s coming in the mail this week. He says it's super fast - like lightening speed. He is secretly jealous of my new computer. I want him to be jealous of something else, like my math skills or my ability to eat large amounts of corned beef hash [neither of which is a skill I actually possess – but he’d be jealous none the less]. I told him to give me his old computer and he can take the new one – seriously this is neither a selfless gesture nor a ploy to manipulate him when I really do want something, the level of me not caring is HUGE here people. But alas, He is too lazy to reformat his computer – so he’s giving me the speedy non-pink knot-abler. I am actually pretty sure it will be grey. I think it has a super big monitor, and being the size queen that I am – it makes me happy that I will now be able to type life-size blogs without my computer shutting off sporadically. Before I asked FI about the off-shutting I was going to take it as a sign from god that weddings are frivolous bullshit and I should not spend an entire snowed-in weekend looking at pictures of other peoples nuptials. But seeing as though the computer had a diagnostic history of the shutsies – it was most definitely technology and not god. God likes theknot.

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