Thursday, March 27, 2008

and on the third day Man created plastic bags and viagra

I am a psychic and the proof is in the bag. Last night as I was leaving work I stopped into the bathroom. I hung my purse and lunch bag [empty Walmart bag] on the back of the door. As I hovered over the pot, thighs quivering and making sure not to sprinkle when I tinkled, I was looking at the bag thinking “plastic bags are bad. I bet one day they will be illegal and we will talk about how funny it was that we used to use these environmental toxins to carry groceries.” Today as I was on my way to work, I heard a news story on NPR about a San Francisco ban on plastic bags!! What? Exsqueeze me? I am a frickin’ genius and I need to quit my job and go to Vegas for March Madness [which now that Duke lost I don't give a flying shit about]. A politician proposed the ban and it has caught on – even Paris and London have called him up to adopt their own forms of legislation. Unfortunately, they had to revoke the ban and make it “voluntary” after a plastic company threatened to a law suit [bastards!]. A plastic company representative brilliantly stated, "Bans on plastic bags are not a good environmental choice," she says. "Bans aren't the answer, recycling is the answer." This professional is clearly a dipshit who needs a big dose of Al Gore and a bag over her head.

p.s. Viagra turned 10 today - happy hard on!!


Jennie! said...

How come when men can't get it up, they are told it's a biological problem and get a pill but women get jack shit if they can't have the big O?

Jennie! said...

Ha! I'm not saying I want the pill, I'm just saying it's unfair that old, dried up women don't have the same options that old, limp men do.