My behaviour was at times inappropriate

Have you ever seen someone do something and think to yourself “Is this socially acceptable now?” Seriously who am I to judge what is or isn’t “hip” to do in front of others. I mean you have the people who come back from the bathroom while still tucking in their shirt and zipping their pants and you have my boss who belches every time he visits the copy machine. But yesterday I was struck by something and I felt somewhat majorly uncomfortable. You know like that uncomfortable-ness where you want to stare at the atrocity yet you feel sick inside and want to forget you saw it? Kind of like when you are visiting your friend and he has a big black lab and every time the lab sits down, happily wagging its tail that little pink popple peeps out at you. You know the one that coined the crayola crayon color “dog dick red”.

Anyway, I am talking to my secretary about mundane shit and she reaches in her desk and pulls out a paper clip. Okay, you say, secretaries use paperclips all of the time – it’s actually just as synonymous as doctor is to stethoscope [I think that is an actual question on the GRE]. So she takes the paperclip and proceeds to jam it into her right ear. She seriously is using this bent metal object to get wax out of her ears!! Each time, she digs around in her ear, pulls it out, looks at it and then wipes it clean with her index finger and thumb. SHE THEN PUTS IT BACK IN!!! Take note that all of this is done seamlessly while speaking with me!! Apparently my face did not reflect what my brain was thinking, I have somewhat managed to perfect this technique over the years.

Q-Tips are actually being categorized as a weapon as of late. I have read health precautions warning people not to use Q-Tips for fear of eardrum perforation or something and some poor Canadian bastard was actually killed by one earlier this month. What-in-the-hell made her think a soft cotton tipped stick and galvanized steel wire could ever serve the same purpose? Now in her defense, she is like 60 and her work attire usually resembles a costume out of the Blue Collar Comedy Tour but I don’t hate her because she’s a republican… I hate her because she dug out ear wax in front of me and didn’t go wash her hands.