The jokes on YOU SUCK-AH!

My hubs has been asked some pretty crazy questions on the interview trail so far. Of course people always ask him if he's married (duh! see ring on left finger) AND if he has/wants kids. For a surgeon the CORRECT answer is... No. This is a no good, terrible, very bad thing but surgeons see procreation as time where they will have to cover your ass while you're off doing whatever with your new offspring. One interviewer even went as far as to say he used to make his female residents come into his office everyday so he could WATCH THEM TAKE THEIR BIRTH CONTROL PILL! This is wrong. So so wrong. Hubs just gives a general answer, something like, "Well I'm 31, so at some point I will want kids." That seems to suffice and although it makes me FURIOUS that this is an accepted standard - I'm somehow okay with him equivocating a little.

He also gets frustrated with silly hypothetical questions where people judge you for your answer - no matter how arbitrary the question is... like these.

What animal would you be?

and if you say a cat because you love naps you look like a lazy ass who is going to be SLEEPING ON THE JOB. So, you might as well say OWL because you like to stay up all night swooping in on patients. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

What ONE WORD best describes you?

I laughed my butt of when he told me that he casually muttered "enthusiastic" and then made a joke about how UN-enthusiastic his answer was :)

We decided CURIOUS was a better answer, with limited implications.

What is your biggest weakness?

He went with the, "You should ask my wife this question..." reply.

I told him I would make a list for him to keep in his pocket, a very long list which includes the inabilty to make the bed and hold in his farts in public or attempting to use cliches. This weekend I about fell out of the chair when he said that one last touchdown would really "put a knife in a coffin" UM, WHAT? Then he told me this one hospital he went to was "a real shit in the wall" AGAIN, STOP ATTEMPTING CLICHES.

If you could meet three people, past, present or future who would they be?

I think he said his grandson and two other answers that were so forgettable I forgot them already. He's not so good a intangible impromptu questions.

or how about this one, Tell me a joke.

Um, okay because an applicant's job is to entertain whatever crusty old surgeon is interviewing them. You tell a Jewish joke, you're a antisemitic? Try to bash blondes or fat people? Hello? You've never seen this guy's wife! OR, if you tell a dirty joke you're totally inappropriate and a law suit waiting to happen. WORST OF ALL- you tell a LAME joke. And then you're just NOT FUNNY. Do they really want to work with someone who's not funny? My husband and I are both terrible at jokes, so luckily he hasn't been asked this question ...yet.

If I were asked this question, the only joke I know is this one:

Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was assaulted.

I used to know a dirty joke that had something to do with wrapping someone in saran wrap but I forget it. Which is probably good. I also know a joke about a girl who used to have a mouse tattoo on her lady bits and when her boyfriend asked where it went she said, "My pussy ate it." Does that even count as a joke? This is supposed to be a clean blog for the most part so we're going to pretend I didn't just tell you that one.

Do you know any acceptable jokes for my hubs to tell?