Wednesday, August 13, 2008

dance around the room, dance around the room!!

Caution: What I am about to describe might make you cry and will definitely make you raging mad. Be warned.

I’ve decided not letting someone sit with you at lunch should be a federal offense. Penalty: Death. Yesterday was DH’s birthday, his 30th birthday, mind you. He is on rotation in a big giant hospital and had just enough time to grab some afternoon nurishment. This was the scene of the crime:

Gorgeously attractive [and married] birthday boy walks into cafeteria with tray of odd and sundry items including soft serve from the ice cream bar. He sees two fellow students, very average-looking girls, sitting in the cafeteria also having lunch.

Boy: Hi! Can I sit with you?
People I want to kill: Well, no. We’re about to leave anyway.

So he goes and sits at a table alone 10 feet away. Not FIVE MINUTES LATER another boy [who was not a BIRTHDAY boy] asked said assholes if HE could sit with them… AND HE DOES. Better yet, they don't leave!! Meanwhile my birthday husband eats lunch alone in the cafeteria.

When I was 16, I was suspended from high school for fighting in the cafeteria. When I was 17, I was suspended from high school for trying to hit a girl with my car. I also got two detentions for telling a history teacher that I was probably way smarter than she was, just not in history. My questions to you, dear internets, are these… 1) Can you get suspended from work? And 2) does anyone have a shitty car that they don’t mind getting a little blood on?

And, and, when the officer tries to arrest me, I will tell him the story and the jury will acquit me. Kind of like that woman, who killed her pastor husband, spent like three months in jail and got her kids back last week. Jury’s verdict: he had it coming to him.

Not to mention these two inconsiderate cyborgs are going to be doctors! Compassion? Caring for others? I’m sorry completely average looking girls, but you are lacking requirements #1 and #2 for doctordom – please go to the end of the line for your punch in the pie hole. This was one of those things, that if it happened to me… what-ev. But, when it happens to HIM… I’m a newlywed on a rampage. I also have a pretty pissed off mom and a couple of hard core friends who think that making someone eat alone on their birthday deserves the biggest whoop ass this city has ever seen. True Story.

It’s a good thing 20 friends, the in-laws, a TON of food, and rock band could make up for that no good, very bad, day. There are lots of leftovers and the band is touring at a household near you, so call for tickets.


Jennie! said...

I don't mind getting blood on my car. It would probably wash off.

Also, is there any problem Rock Band CAN'T solve?

Tam said...

Jennie I'm looking into that, I'm pretty sure the answer is no - but cancer seems to be a tricky one.

Heidi said...

I bet Rock Band could cure cancer. I wonder if they've tried it.

Also, I think we should all meet J for lunch one day and totally bully those bitches. Your mom could come too!

Tam said...

heidi, that's so funny, Bre called and said the same thing today!

KJ said...

Bitches! And, yes, most people who are going to be doctors probably shouldn't be. Let's hope they're going into radiology or path or something.