Friday, May 30, 2008

Yesterday was plain awful

This has been a week filled with travel, jet lag, annoying co workers, and the roommate situation from hell. I am glad it’s Friday. FI and I have decided we will NOT get another roommate. Last year we had a 22 year old guy live with us, and after him we said “Well, it cannot be any worse”. Dumb move – we are now experiencing escalated stress, psychotic tendencies, and unsanitary behavior from a 27 year old woman. The only things these two have in common are they are both medical students, have rich parents and have never cleaned a toilet in their lives.

This week our roommate failed to inform us that she would be using our home as a hotel. Her mom came into town, and we found out by her hustling and bustling around our house as if she owned the place. In passing FI found out her Dad and boyfriend will also be staying – "at least until Tuesday". Right. Okay. Oh and I did I mention they are all in town from Florida to buy her [our dirty roommate who hasn't washed clothes in 5 months] a horse farm? Yes, we can buy our daughter a horse farm to live on while in medical school, but we cannot afford a hotel room.

There was a horrible confrontation that went down after they asked to use our guest room [which is COVERED in wedding shit] monopolized our laundry and unloaded a dirty dishwasher leaving the dishes all over the counter.

Setting: Landlord [FI] and Landlordess knock politely on the basement door before descending. Stinky med student girl is in the bedroom studying while weird mom is on couch.
Landlord: Um we were just wondering what is going on upstairs
Mom: What? [jumps up]
Landlord: Um, well there is a wet comforter in the laundry [queen size mind you, set to “small load”] and dirty dishes all over the counter.
Mom: Yes I needed the put the mini fridge racks in the dishwasher [because my stinky daughter exploded your fridge]
Landlord: Okay so you needed to take all of the dishes out to do that?
Mom: Yes, I thought they were clean, and then I realized they were dirty.
Landlord: ….. and so… why didn’t you put the dirty dishes back in?
Mom: [shaking with crazy eyes] I’M CALLING THE COPS, YOUR HARASSING ME! THIS IS SEXUAL HARASSMENT. YOU. ARE. A. MAN!!! THIS IS OUR LIVING SPACE. O-U-R-S [pounding chest] AND YOU ARE NOT PERMITTED TO ENTER. I'M CALLING THE COPS!!
Landlordess: [really really pissed] All we want know is what is going on in our house at any given time and why our dishes are scattered all over the place!
Mom: [crazy eyes and pounding chest to signify her ownership of our home] O-U-R HOUSE and O-U-R DISHWASHER this is OUR PLACE. WE ALL OWN EVERYTHING HERE AND YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO BE DOWN HERE. I’M CALLING THE COPS, YOU’LL BE HAULED AWAY. AND YOU HAD NO RIGHT TO TOUCH MY LAUNDRY
Landlordess: YOU HAVE A SCREW LOOSE LADY. I PUT YOUR LAUNDRY IN THE FRICKIN DRYER! I WANT YOU OUT OF MY HOME. THIS IS NOT YOUR HOME, IT'S OURS AND I DON’T WANT TO SEE YOUR FACE IN IT AGAIN. GET OUT.
Stinky roommate: Guys just go upstairs, I’m only going to be here for two more weeks and then you’re rid of me. Go upstairs, I have a test and I’m not discussing this with you.
Landlordess: [as we walk up] Funny how you have the money to buy two houses yet you are using ours as a hotel!! That strikes me as odd.

FI has an amazing ability to stay calm in the face of crazy, I on the other hand have homicidal tendencies. We balance each other. I now have a lady living in my house, using my laundry and refrigerator and threatening to have my FI hauled off to jail [for sexual harassment? seriously lady, a blind homeless guy with dyslexia would pass on you]. Did I mention I am PMSing and might f’ing kill her?? Not only that, FI takes the boards [probably most important test of med school] in two weeks and these people think they are going to run our home? F-that-S. We pulled out the lease and although somethings were not defined, our guest policy was clear “guest are permitted for no more than three consecutive days in one 30 day period without written permission from the Landlord” So now we might have to go to the police station to see how we can have these people removed from our home.

Did I mention the boards in two weeks, oh and we are getting married in five weeks. Oh right, and our invitations aren't out yet. Um hmmm and oh and… FRICKING FRICK FRICK!

So in the end, we will not be looking for another roommate this year, because taking out extra money in private loans is worth not having a crazy bitch and a stinky bitch in your home. True Story.

4 comments:

Jennie! said...

At least the invites will be taken care of soon, right?

KJ said...

Oh my god.

I was gonna tell you about the time that my borderline personality roommate did crazy shit or when my slightly mentally not there roommate invited her parents to visit the weekend before Step 1 and her mother Rearranged MY Kitchen, but then I got the the sexual harassment absurdity and realized that this takes the cake. All of the cake.

I am soooo sorry.

(And I'm pretty sure many of us are planning on coming to the wedding even if not yet formally invited...so I wouldn't add that to your stress.)

Heidi said...

Dude, I'm taking this lady down tonight. If Wii has taught me anything, it's good shooting aim with a plunger.

Tam said...

girls - I am so glad you feel for me. Heidi, yes yes the plunger will work well.

KJ - I am happy you are coming to our wedding even though you are not invited (hehe ;))