Tuesday, May 6, 2008

I'd kill my Rabbi with a pork chop to be with your sister!

I have been incredibly overwhelmed with wedding crap lately. 8 weeks and three days left and I’m barely going to make it. Mostly details now, and my old strategy of setting it aside for a week or two and then coming back to it with a fresh outlook is out the window. The only thing that’s fresh these days is my attitude with the caterer. It’s funny to me how people assume you know how to do things, wedding things, like, write invitations, design a menu, write a ceremony. Shit the only thing I’m not doing is altering my own dress! I have never been married before – how the hell should I know what to write in an invitation? That would be like someone saying, “Oh you are having a rocket engine party? Why don’t you go ahead and put it together and then we’ll talk about how you want to display it” What? NO.

Today I saw a post on theknot from one of these crazy brides that continue to stalk the boards months, even years, after they are married. It said this:

I miss the process sometimes, but I will never forget how crazy it made me. It was like a ride a King's Island or something. I laughed. I cried. I was happy. I was terrified. I wanted to kill myself. I guess the more I think about it I'm glad it's over but …I would do it all over again in a heartbeat.

What? Does she need a mental exam? Wow that made me want to off myself – so lets do it again! With the divorce rate these days and the obvious assumption that she’s nuts, she probably does have a good chance of planning again, but I am doing this once people. It took me 23 years to find this guy and I’m hanging on to him [not to mention he isn’t anywhere close to his maximum income potential.]

Weddings are just stressful in general. Even good old GW is struggling with wedding drama. I read this by the AP today talking about Jenna B’s upcoming nuptials [p.s. FI says that ANYONE named Jenna is an f’ing slut and proceeded to tell all of his friends I considered naming a kid that. They are now all texting me reasons why Jenna is a sluts name. I hate them]

Bush may be commander in chief, but outnumbered by three women - his wife and twin daughters - he hasn't gotten to weigh in much on the wedding planning.

"They're letting me spend money," Bush joked in February.

Bush played the role of broke father of the bride again in March, joking: "I had to face some very difficult spending decisions, and I've had to conduct sensitive diplomacy. That's called planning for a wedding."

I think this is the smartest quote anyone has ever transcribed from this man. Too bad he’s full of shit with a 400K salary, Halliburton kick-backs and a hand-job away from Exxon Mobile dividends. He can afford a wedding and an Aston Martin.

Well if we’re going to sum it up with the Bush-ism sensitive diplomacy – I’m gonna have to practice the sensitive angle when I tell my invitation lady to change the ugly font or I’ll swiffer wet jet her eyelids!


Jennie! said...

Bush is a douchebag.

Tam said...

So is wedding planning.