Tuesday, March 4, 2008

But they Girl Scout promised!!

Today is Primary day and of course it’s raining. It has to rain on Election Day, it gives people an excuse to not vote. I have on my ‘Stewart/Colbert 08’ shirt and plan to sway some votes in their favor at the polls. I can’t help but get this nostalgic feeling when I walk into the polling location, the honeysuckle smell of the 80-year-old woman who hands you the “I Voted” sticker, the ‘what the hell does this mean’ reaction to the jargon explaining issues 1-48 and the constant urge to peek into someone else’s booth. Why is it so secretive?? I mean seriously, I HOPE someone copies off my frickin' paper. Polling plagerism should be a fad, a campaign slogan, a way for our country to get back on track. PLAGERISM AT THE POLLS, find someone smart and cheat off their ballot!

Primary day also means we might be able to see some Vagisil commercials again. Yes, I would rather watch women giddy over feminine hygiene products than slanderous political ads. “Who do you want answering the phone for our country?” What president answers the phone? They probably don’t even wipe their own ass so why would we have such an absurd T.V. plug! The hiatus will be brief before we gear up for the political bashing that will be the 2008 election.

Anywho, what I reeeealy wanted to talk about today was how much I hate children’s civic organizations. I like to generally think of myself as a strong independent woman [sing it Beyonce!] but there are certain times that I am weak with regard to what I put in my mouth [this only applies to food products]
1. Before my period
2. During my period
3. After my peiord
4. When I had a bad day
5. When I’m cranky for no reason
6. When there is a steaming pile of doughnuts out on the counter at work
7. And…in march when those little girl scout sluts set out to screw over my thighs

At this rate I am going to Carmel Delight my way back to the 20lbs I lost for my wedding and those little civic fembots will pay!! In my own defense, I only had one cookie today but FI and I have finished off 4 of the 6 boxes we mistakenly bought last week. Trust me, when you are leaving Kroger tonight and those little vest-wearing freaks try to persuade you to buy their deliciously caloric sugar disks – Slap them in the face and run! Your thighs will thank you.

1 comment:

Jennie! said...

I'm glad I read this now because I'm going to Kroger after work. But I'll stay strong! And maybe get arrested for punching a girl scout.

PS: I just realized I didn't get a sticker for voting! WTF?!