Just because I can't see it doesn't mean is isn't awesome

Happy New Year!

It's that time of the year again, which means all of the magazine covers will be splatted with "how to get flat abs" articles and pictures of healthy food which people only even attempt to eat in January (Kale? Seriously?). People will make resolutions to eat less and work out more, get more rest or be a better friend - along with other intangible aspirations that are beyond their control by February and long forgotten by March. I was very happy with my resolutions from last year because I felt so many of them were actually do-able. Paint my nails blue? So it took me half a year to do it, but I did. AND I FELT GREAT ABOUT IT. Tiny steps for mankind.

This is a new decade. I wanted to make a resolution list but for the first time I cannot see what next month will bring, let alone the entire year. The uncertainty that is this year is overwhelming for my little type A, super-planner self. I dread having an interview for my PhD application (submitted Dec. 1st woot! woot!) where they ask, "where do you see yourself in five years?" These next six months are FULL of uncharted waters and for all I know I could have five heads and three kids!

For the first time in my life... I JUST DON'T KNOW!

I don't know what it looks like to be a mom.
I don't know what my body will look like after I squeeze out a human.
I don't know what it looks like to live outside of Ohio.
I don't know what it looks like to be married to a man WITH A JOB (let alone be married to a DOCTOR)

I welcome all of these things with excitement and this year my only resolution is to relish in the moments of this year. In a way I feel like a grown up. Yeah, I have a job, house and a 401K but there is something about GROWING A PERSON INSIDE YOUR BODY that makes your own childhood feel further and further away.

My New Year's resolution is to make a family this year, and treasure it for many years to come. Sound lofty?

Give me a call when you've lost 20 lbs, abandoned your addiction to pizza delivery and saved three months salary. But I might not pick up right away because I'm busy cuddling my sweet little boy and smooching on my doctor husband.