Marrying a medical student

Maternity Leave

2010-03-01T04:50:00.002-05:00

So much going on right now, so much joy. I will be taking Maternity Leave from Marrying a Medical Student. Please feel free to follow us on our baby blog.

But be warned, you might be tempted to lick your screen - my baby is just delicious.

Will you vote for us?

2010-02-16T14:08:00.001-05:00

Pretty please? Click below.

Shopping is better than snow and work

2010-02-15T10:39:00.003-05:00

So it's totally snowing AGAIN today. Go figure. Good thing we're moving soon - to the tropics better known as Pittsburgh.

But today is Mr. President's Day.

And because of the President, today the GAP has 40% off EVERYTHING in the store. Um... I KNOW!!!

Yet another reason to LOVE Obama :)

Dress to impress

2010-02-13T22:12:00.005-05:00

Even though I am still as big as a house and getting bigger as the days go by (3 lbs a week? WHAT?) I recently started missing dresses - all of my fun dresses stopped fitting a LONG time ago, the second I got pregnant my GI-NORMOUS jugs took charge and banished my dresses and button up shirts to the back of my closet.

But seriously, how fun is a really great dress? One piece of clothing that flows and flips making you looks spicy and feminine. My husband LOVES when I wear dresses - could this man possibly grab my ass more? The answer is YES, especially when I'm wearing a dress.

So I've starting looking at the spring lines at some of my favorite stores - Ann Taylor Loft, J crew ect. Nothing has really jumped out at me (not to mention, who knows when I'll be down to my pre pregnant weight) but today I came across a seemingly perfect option.

I was looking at this cute wedding over at Snippet & Ink and I was noticing how the magenta bridesmaids dresses really popped. When I scrolled down to see the designer, it was actually ONE DRESS worn SEVERAL DIFFERENT WAYS!!

The dress is a little pricey for my taste ($249) but all of the colors and different styles seem to make it worth the money. Couldn't you see this being in your closet for YEARS as the perfect staple? Wedding/Party/Cocktail/Night on the town dress? Ball it up and sneak it in your overnight bag - no ironing, no hassle! It's so flirty and fun!

Via Butter By Nadia

Do you have a signature dress? Will you be wearing it this Valentine's Day?

Falic Friday

2010-01-29T18:05:00.000-05:00

OMG please go over to Heir to Blair and read this HILARIOUS guest post about.. well..

It's dirty and there are some really HOT tips.

If you have some extra time, read the comments. I laughed almost as hard.

Hard.

That's what she said.

Conversation Cookies, spell check required

2010-01-27T17:14:00.006-05:00

I heart this card via Snarky Cards

Have I told you that I am AWESOME at making iced sugar cookies FROM SCRATCH? Well I am. And I'm not just saying that I'm awesome because I think I am - my husband (who won't even admit that I'm funny - let alone hilarious) even says they are awesome. My brother swoons over them and my mom can't get enough. I used to make them for Christmas, but now with the whole Jewish thing my cookies are usually in the shape of the Star of David around December. My pumpkin-shaped lovelies were DEVOURED at Thanksgiving and I cannot wait until I have kiddies old enough to squeal with excitement over the tin of sweets I made for them to open on Valentine's morning just like my mom used to do.

EN-EE-WAY, today during my bed rest blog surfing I came across something I MUST HAVE. NEED IT.

Customized letter cookie imprints rock! If you break up with your man, I promise I'll make you a cookies (or two) that says, "He Sucked"

Now isn't THAT romantic? Totally better than those chalky, generic conversation hearts with the aftertaste of sucking nickles. These cookies SAY IT ALL.

via Williams-Sonoma

I get a REAL LIFE friend!

2010-01-25T17:21:00.004-05:00

Today we matched for my husband's residency at THE UNIVERSITY OF PITTSBURGH!

These are our thoughts thus far:

It was very high on our list and a very prestigious urologic training program.

We will not be Steelers fans - but I do love penguins.

It's better than Dayton and still within driving distance of my mom.

There are lots of job opportunities for me.

It's still cold - but not as cold a Minnesota.

There is a doctoral program there for me.

It's a 6 year training program for hubs, so buying another house is totally a possibility.

I'm not afraid to move to Pennsylvania.

I get to turn a blog friend into an IRL friend ... Mermanda, here I come!!

WHY is there an "H" on the end of Pittsburgh?

simply irresistible

2010-01-22T20:38:00.003-05:00

While watching Vampire Diaries on the DVR.

Hubs: Don't you think if you're a vampire, making out with a human is kind of like making out with an ice cream sandwich and not eating it?

Me: Um, I guess...

Hubs: It DEFINITELY is.

Vampires, chocolate and toy guitars

2010-01-19T12:30:00.009-05:00

I cannot remember the last time I had THIS MANY TV crushes (maybe the days of the original 90210 and Melrose Place?) Perhaps it's my raging hormones or the fact that I have been on "pelvic rest" (draw your own conclusions) for five weeks now with no end in sight - but these men are just de-lish-ish. I am making my husband watch the shows while I swoon over these guys. See pelvic rest comment, followed by the hormonal wife swooning over TV guys and know that I have an amazingly understanding husband. One NONE of these guys can hold a candle to, but it's okay to drool over the runners up when you have the real thing rubbing your back every night, isn't it?

And while Matt Lauer is my first eye candy of the day, these are my prime time staples. Be prepared to change your undies ladies... (even their names are AH-DORABLE)

4. Grayson Ellis [Cougar Town] - he is a sexy neighbor who owns a bar and plays a little girl's guitar with tiny pink flowers on it.

3. Stefan Salvatore [Vampire Diaries] - My very first teen vampire crush. He has smokey dark eyes, a ripped body and just happens to be a mysterious (good guy) vampire. Nuff said.

2. Will Schuester [Glee] - um, have you seen this video? The voice, the curls - yes please.

1. Taye Diggs [Private Practice or anything else staring Taye Diggs even the Miss Piggy Disney World commercial] Pure chocolaty goodness. Did I mention he can sing too?

Runners Up: The entire cast of Big Bang Theory. Nerd love at it's best.

Now tell me, who are YOUR TV crushes?

Apparently they're like gremlins, only richer

2010-01-18T16:49:00.003-05:00

Today is MLK day and to celebrate the occasion my mom and I watched The Great Debaters last night. A very racially charged movie and somehow the moral totally went over my head. I'm blaming it on my current condition making it impossible for me to concentrate or see the deeper meaning in things - but in all honesty - I don't think I ever would have gotten it.

When I clicked on the tube this morning, hoping for a nice hefty dose of Matt Lauer, all I found was blahbabbity blah about the golden globes. The most dissapointing critque of the awards as reported by NBC analysts: stars didn't take enough risks with their hair. They kept going on and on about how people with naturally nappy hair had a REALLY bad night, while Julia Roberts slapped on a casual black dress, chunky gold necklace and rocked finger waves like a princess. So the stars wore ribbons for Haiti yet bitched about getting wet? Seriously?

I forced hubs to watch the globes last night (with DVR buffer) and I seriously think it was the worst awards show I've ever seen. These were the take-away points:

1. Ricky Gervais is not funny.

2. The foreign press is mentally challenged. Which is the ONLY explanation for The Hangover winning best comedy (worst.movie.ever)

3. Actors suck at speeches. GO FIGURE.

4. Meryl Streep is old but not as old as Sophia Loren.

5. Apparently globes are out and exposed sternums are in. I don't think I saw anything bigger than an A cup - except for Nichole Kidman's nipples which had their own ZIP CODE.

The only redeeming moment of the entire night...

GLEE WINS BEST MUSICAL/COMEDY

There is a sane person at the foreign press association - and I bet he's a flaming homosexual. Thanks be to god!

I'll show you mine if you show me yours

2010-01-14T10:30:00.004-05:00

Apparently today to National Delurker Day. Yes people, I said NATIONAL. And since I got y'all hot and bothered with thoughts of my hubs elephant weenie dance I figured what better time for a coming out party?! COME OUT OF THE CLOSET! Not to mention comments send me on a TOTAL HIGH for the rest of the day, I liken it to snorting crushed up dark chocolate after binging on spicy Thai noodles and cheap cabernet. Melts in your nose not in your hand.

Anyway, regardless of whether your expose yourself today (tomorrow, ANY DAY REALLY) or not, thanks for reading my blog. It's nice to think I'm not the only one who does it.

An elephant you'll never forget

2010-01-12T12:55:00.006-05:00

via Deal Extreme

Okay, so I'm not a total sexaholic pervert but I can't get the thought of watching my husband dance around in these on Valentine's Day out of my head (woot! woot!) None of my sexy stuff fits right now, not that I'd even ATTEMPT to look provocative in my current CLUMSY bowling ball state - so I think he should give it a go. And these look way easier to put on than a black corset and fish net thigh highs... I'm just saying...

Something tells me it would be $3 well spent (they also come in white and I may or may not have ordered both.)

There's just something about weddings

2010-01-11T14:48:00.006-05:00

Even though I'm long past the wedding planning phase of my adult life and pray that I will NEVER have a need to marry again - I still *love* to look at wedding pictures. Wedding trends, wedding dresses - I love it!

Recently, I stumbled upon this Hollywood affair on Design*Sponge and it brought sparkles to my eyes.

The detail on the bodice of that ankle-length dress is just charming and the flowers with little pops of black looked both bold and classic.

And if you are like me and can't get enough of weddings then browse on over to Mermanda's blog because she's been sharing billions of joyous pictures of her peacock encrusted nuptials! Swoon worthy INDEED!

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go flip through my wedding album... for the third time this week :)

Lazy Snow Day

2010-01-07T18:45:00.003-05:00

[hubs opens door to find two small children staring up at him]

Children: Hi! Can we shovel your driveway for $8?
Hubs: No, but you can shovel it for $10.
Children: um...(confused) okay.
Hubs: Just let me know when you're done!
Children: Okay!

(40 minutes later)
Hubs: They're still out there.
Me: Are they okay?
Hubs: They look cold, but they're almost done.
Me: Should we bring them out some hot cocoa?
Hubs: No.
Me: Why?
Hubs: Because you never bring me cocoa when I do it!
Me: True.
Hubs: I hope we don't get arrested for this...
Me: Why?
Hubs: Those kids are barely ten years old...

They actually did a great job! Thank goodness for shovel fairies!!

You can visit me at my vacation home in Santa Fe, NM

2010-01-05T09:00:00.001-05:00

HGTV DREAM HOME 2010. I will continue with this tradition because one year I WILL WIN this free house from a TV channel. After presenting at that conference in New Mexico last March, I've determined that this house is even BETTER than the Napa Valley dream home. I want this so hard.

Register EVERY DAY between now and February 19th.

Dream home, SUV and 500K... YES PLEASE!

PICK ME! I LIKE TO WIN!

Just because I can't see it doesn't mean is isn't awesome

2010-01-04T11:42:00.006-05:00

Happy New Year!

It's that time of the year again, which means all of the magazine covers will be splatted with "how to get flat abs" articles and pictures of healthy food which people only even attempt to eat in January (Kale? Seriously?). People will make resolutions to eat less and work out more, get more rest or be a better friend - along with other intangible aspirations that are beyond their control by February and long forgotten by March. I was very happy with my resolutions from last year because I felt so many of them were actually do-able. Paint my nails blue? So it took me half a year to do it, but I did. AND I FELT GREAT ABOUT IT. Tiny steps for mankind.

This is a new decade. I wanted to make a resolution list but for the first time I cannot see what next month will bring, let alone the entire year. The uncertainty that is this year is overwhelming for my little type A, super-planner self. I dread having an interview for my PhD application (submitted Dec. 1st woot! woot!) where they ask, "where do you see yourself in five years?" These next six months are FULL of uncharted waters and for all I know I could have five heads and three kids!

For the first time in my life... I JUST DON'T KNOW!

I don't know what it looks like to be a mom.
I don't know what my body will look like after I squeeze out a human.
I don't know what it looks like to live outside of Ohio.
I don't know what it looks like to be married to a man WITH A JOB (let alone be married to a DOCTOR)

I welcome all of these things with excitement and this year my only resolution is to relish in the moments of this year. In a way I feel like a grown up. Yeah, I have a job, house and a 401K but there is something about GROWING A PERSON INSIDE YOUR BODY that makes your own childhood feel further and further away.

My New Year's resolution is to make a family this year, and treasure it for many years to come. Sound lofty?

Give me a call when you've lost 20 lbs, abandoned your addiction to pizza delivery and saved three months salary. But I might not pick up right away because I'm busy cuddling my sweet little boy and smooching on my doctor husband.

I owned these resolutions, until I got all lazy and knocked up

2009-12-31T16:39:00.008-05:00

I am proud that I completed 39 of my 50 resolutions. Some of them were halted by my fecundity like the wine tasting, ski trip, 100 push ups (was that EVER going to happen?) and giving hand made holiday gifts. I feel like if I worked a little harder I could have fit in the pie, the dancing and the bingo, but overall I'm proud of my accomplishments for 2009. Getting pregnant wasn't even on the list! BONUS!

1. ~~Delete my MySpace account~~

2. ~~Spend way too much money on a fancy brunch~~

3. Bake an apple pie

4. ~~Register everyday for the HGTV dream home (contest ends 2/19/09)~~

5. Go to a BINGO night

6. Pay off my Discover card (more like DOUBLE my Discover card... UGH!)

7. ~~Donate books to a vagina charity~~

8. ~~Study for the GRE~~

9. ~~Get an ‘A’ in my biostatistics course~~

10. See a sports medicine doctor for my knee

11. ~~Organize my CDs~~

12. ~~Play more Wii~~

13. Go to a wine tasting

14. ~~Snuggle~~

15. Know Shabbat prayers from memory

16. ~~Get new carpet~~

17. ~~Keep up with current events~~

18. ~~Switch to biodegradable cleaning products~~

19. ~~Wear shimmery lip gloss~~

20. Have something published (sitting on my bosses desk)

21. ~~Give someone a second chance~~

22. Dance with my husband

23. ~~Be on time for something~~

24. ~~Organize my computer area~~

25. ~~Learn to use iTunes and photo editing software~~

26. Do 100 push ups (only made it through 3 weeks of this - boo!)

27. ~~Read more books (sTORI Telling) and keep track of them~~

28. ~~Go on a girls vacation with my friends possibly.to.the.beach~~

29. ~~Clip coupons~~

30. ~~Eat more dairy, soy and protein~~

31. ~~Play ski ball~~

32. ~~Own a necklace with a sparrow on it~~ **I got earrings instead!**

33. ~~Keep a secrete~~

34. ~~Hand write notes to friends and family~~

35. ~~Get rid of my mail catalogs~~

36. ~~Be patient with husband’s schedule~~

37. ~~Floss more~~

38. ~~Get a fancy banner for my blog~~

39. ~~Take the GRE~~ This ended up being a mute point as I found a way to include my old scores on my application... thank god!

40. ~~Apply to DrPH programs~~

41. ~~Think before I speak~~ **although being preggers made this INFINITELY HARDER**

42. ~~Frame some wedding photos~~

43. ~~Paint my nails navy blue~~

44. ~~Win something~~ (A FRICKIN' LAPTOP!!)

45. Give handmade holiday gifts

46. Ski

47. ~~hang out with my mom~~

48. ~~Have my veil preserved~~

49. ~~Wean myself off of Us Weekly~~

50. ~~Use more lotion~~

RE-POST 2008 Year in Review

2009-12-29T16:45:00.002-05:00

** I am working on my review of 2009 and I thought I'd share again with you my 2008 Year In Review. Because, man that was an awesome year **

I want to apologize that my first post of the new year was a tribute to a spaghetti-eating cat. I don't know what I was thinking. Actually. That's a lie. I do know what I was thinking. I was thinking I would blog later that day about all of the things that I wished I was doing for New Year's Eve (there was lots of wishing). Then I laid on the couch, smooched my husband and played Wii for four days instead. Now that I am done vacationing and back at work, I have lots to blog about. New Year, old year, vacation, Rock Band, movies and the usual, how much I love my husband. I have spent the morning doing actual work and catching up on blogs I heart (see right hand column, man do I love Cup of Joe’s engagement pictures!) and decided I should probably blog myself. As you may know, Monday is usually Monday Movie Review and although I have LOTS to review, it’s already 5 (FIVE!) days into the New Year, so I decided I should first recap the old. I’m sure you’ve been reading every else’s top and top-less lists of 2008 and just in case you didn’t (and even if you did!) read my blog last year. This is how it went:

I started a blog

I bought every wedding magazine I could get my hands on

I traveled for work (in my car)

I swore by Windsor Pilate's

I subscribed to Showtime to watch The Tudors

I had my grandparent’s wedding photo restored

I helped Jewish kids with a production of The Wizard of Oz

I got a new computer

I stressed about wedding planning

I turned 28

I learned to cook edible food

I took pictures of my husband when he had a nervous breakdown over clean socks

I celebrated Easter at the Hustler store

I bowled with my grandpa on his 90th birthday in Florida

I broke down and got a joint cell phone plan (and an awesome phone!)

I taught myself to do some graphic design for wedding stuff

I started using Bare Escentuals

I saw Rascal Flatts live in concert

I improved my text messaging skills

My car turned 3 years old and 65,000 miles

I began reading lots of other blogs

I canceled Showtime

I went to a fancy wedding in San Francisco

I had my tattoo removed (kinda)

I learned to dance the rumba with my fiancé

I lost 15 lbs for my wedding

I went to a boring conference for work in Cincinnati

I learned how to apply eyeliner

I kicked our roommate out of our house

**I GOT MARRIED**

I danced with my dad to this song

I honeymooned in Mexico for eleven days (ate TONS of pico de gallo and salsa!)

I received a Wii Fit

My cat turned 7 years old and still has AIDS

I sold my wedding dress, filthy dirty. Wedding Dress valued at $5,000, purchased for $500 and sold for $1,200. Net profit = $700. Yea, I'm thifty.

I looked at my wedding photos… a lot.

I switched to skim

I visited my in-laws in rural Kentucky

I threw a surprise party for my husband’s 30th birthday

I read The Glass Castle

I gave a speech to an auditorium full of new medical students and parents

I submitted an abstract to a National Conference in Santa Fe, New Mexico

I donated money to a political campaign

I got my first copy of Working Mother Magazine in the mail (WHY!)

I guest posted on The Collective (one of my favorite posts!)

I subscribed to Sirius Radio

I loved Big Bang Theory even more than I did last season

I wrote a bazillion Thank You notes

I had all of my money and most of my credit card numbers stolen

I raked leaves

My brother graduated from college

I told off my best friend’s boyfriend. Big Time.

I incurred more credit card debt than any other period in my life

I cooked dinner for my grandparents

I slept alone

I was a pumpkin and my husband was incredible

I stood in line for 2.5 hours to vote for a winning president

I was thankful

I cooked my first Thanksgiving Dinner

I opened the Wii Fit and attempted to get my fitness on

I thought about getting bangs but never did

I kept all of my Christmas stuff packed away, even the CDs

I wrote a puppet show about Chanukah for my Hebrew students to perform

I started wearing contacts part-time because I am going blurry

My abstract was accepted!

I submit a 3,500 word essay to Glamour Magazine

I went to Denver for a week and (almost) snow shoed

I made latkes for the first time and they.were.awesome.

I ate TWO candied apples

I won THIS game hands down and now wish I owned it

I couldn’t bring myself to buy a Coach purse with my Christmas money

I wished I was invited to a really swanky New Year’s Eve party

I sat on the couch and rang in the New Year with my husband and Dick Clark instead

I gained back the 15 lbs I lost for the wedding

I bought a bunch of GRE study materials

I was nominated for THIS contest

and...I did all of this without wrecking my car

OMG. Whew! The End.

This year brought memories that I will replay in my mind for the rest of my life. My wedding and grandpa’s 90th birthday were moments I will never ever forget. I started creative writing, reflecting on my life, cherishing my friends, and loving on my husband more. If 2009 brings half of the excitement that 2008 did, well then, I’m in for a treat (and so are you!).

The waiting game

2009-12-29T16:35:00.002-05:00

My baby is due in 71 days.

My new laptop will be here in 15 days.

My DVD of the first season of Glee arrives in 3 days.

The new year begins in 2 days.

Isn't it weird as the year comes to a close and we can measure it in hours instead of weeks - each moment seems like it should have a purpose?

Here's to purposeful moments - for this year and next!

Have a Jolly Holly Day

2009-12-24T12:44:00.006-05:00

via design*sponge

My hubs and I were so thankful to make it home from the hospital last Friday just in time to light candles for the last night of Chanukah. Next year, we'll be lighting them as a family and my heart flutters at the very thought!

I will be laying here eating THE MOST DE-LISH-ISH CHOCOLATES EVER (sea salt!?) and blogging intermittently next week, but for updates on my pregnancy please visit our baby blog or click on the owl in the sidebar.

Have a wonderful holiday season my dear readers. I hope each of you are blessed with good health and cheer this weekend and always!

Merry Happy Holiday Indeed!

2009-12-24T12:25:00.003-05:00

I FINALLY WON SOMETHING!! AND IT'S A LAP TOP!! A FRICKIN' LAP TOP!!

I swear on hot dogs I almost coughed up my morning Christmas Tree cake when I saw Ashley's post, scrolled to the bottom to see the words...

CONTEST IS CLOSED.. Congrats, Tam!

This has been a hard week for us, but things are looking up. What a wonderful late Chanukah, early Christmas present. This will make my bed rest so much more bearable, and my husband can finally have his laptop back!!

And with only one week left to fulfill my resolutions - I FINALLY WON SOMETHING!!

I WON!

I WON!

THANK YOU ASHLEY!!!

(also, I don't think my husband believes me for realsies)

Bed rest also includes couch

2009-12-19T17:48:00.005-05:00

I am finally home from the hospital, but on pretty strict bedrest for what we hope will be the last 10 weeks of my pregnancy. I should be able to blog, as long as I can dig down deep for my wit and candor - two feelings that have escaped me over the last week while I've dealt with the reality that is this situation.

Also, many of my new years resolutions are going to shit right now but Ashley is giving away a laptop and if I can win it...

my blog, my morale and my dedication to resolutions will all be thankful.

Prayer solicitation -it's what the internets are best used for

2009-12-14T20:49:00.003-05:00

Me and baby are asking for your prayers - ten weeks of them to be exact.

Check out my baby blog (right sidebar) for the full story and even if you don't want to check it out because reading about pregnancy and babies bores you or makes your ovaries hurt or you don't really like me that much (WHY are you still reading)... can you AT LEAST do this:

Please ask God or Santa or whoever to grant me a healthy baby.

I've actually been pretty good this year. Cross my heart.

(also if you have a blog of your own, please post lots of mind numbing crap on it to keep me occupied while on bed rest over the next ten weeks. ktnxbai.)

Happy Holidays - TO ME

2009-12-08T13:25:00.003-05:00

I had to laugh today when I read Laura's post about buying presents FOR HERSELF. I just sat here, GUILTY of the same offenses and somehow relatively unashamed of myself.

This is actually totally awful when you think about the fact that I should be focusing on my unborn child and the fact that the only suitable sleeping arrangement we have for him is an open drawer or a kitty bed. ON TOP OF THE FACT that we've told friends/family we're giving the gift of life this year and not to expect much else.

But then I was walking through Macy's the other day on my way to use a FREE PANTIE coupon at Vicki's (panties which are now being 'saved' for post pregnancy, what mom wouldn't love new panties as motivation to shrink her ass back down to size?) - anyway, I'm walking through Macy's and spy a BLACK PEARL NECKLACE hanging on the clearance rack amongst some hideous costume jewelry and tacky plastic bracelets. You know, like the one CJANE had that I was SWOONING OVER just a few weeks ago?

EXCEPT ONE PROBLEM: No clearance price.

I was about the set them down assuming some lazy broad had hung them there in a effort to spike my blood pressure for funsies, when I decided to take the chance, walk up to the counter, and ask IF POSSIBLY THESE STUNNING PEARLS WERE ON SALE.

The teenage-looking sales girl with entirely too much makeup clearly applied strategically in an attempt to distract you from her lack of personality examined the tag, NOT MARKED CLEARANCE, shrugged and scanned them.

Original Price Tag: $80.00 (fresh water pearls with sterling silver clasp)

Sale Price: $18.00

PLUS 25% OFF Friends and Family Coupon: $13.50

The pearls are mine and in my opinion, A TOTAL SCORE.

This owl is so cute you could just eat him up!

2009-12-07T16:13:00.005-05:00

One of my new year's resolutions was to buy a fancy banner for my blog. Instead, I decided to MAKE a (er, uh) fancy banner for my blog AND my parenting blog. I know, I'm all "Look a me and my thrify, talented self!" Modesty is a learned behavior people.

BUT! I did decide to break down and have the wonderful Shelly at Pixie Dust Sprinkles make me a blog button for the baby blog. Mostly because the Top Mommy Blog website requires you to have a fancy looking button to entice people to click on your craziness and read about how big your boobs are getting.

I think it's adorable and only reinforces my obsession with owls.

Also, I've stayed true to two more resolutions as well - handwriting notes to my friends and buying handmade holiday gifts. Let's just say my credit card statement has a lot of Etsy on it this month.

I'm famous AGAIN!

2009-12-03T16:01:00.003-05:00

I had one of my nursery questions posted this afternoon on my favorite design website Ohdeeoh!

I'm so excited and I am already swooning over the suggestions!!

CHECK IT OUT HERE!!

Things I'm contemplating

2009-12-03T14:30:00.007-05:00

What my ideal job would be

Reading Sarah Palin's book

Uploading my Christmas CD's to iTunes and blasting them on shuffle mode while I dance my pregnant ass around the house

Rigging a contest so that I can win something

Dressing my cat up as a hot dog for our holiday card

Making a big batch of puppy chow and eating more of it than my husband

Now tell me, what are you thinking about?

31 days left

2009-12-01T16:56:00.004-05:00

AND I STILL NEED TO WIN SOMETHING!!

I have been registering my BOO-TAY off for giveaways lately. How can it be that I have gone an entire year and can't win a single thing (although my husband reminded me last night that I was the proud winner of... bed bugs)??

This isn't a wim people, it's a RESOLUTION!

So, in an effort to both win something and gain five more entries...

I've decided to tell you all about THIS CONTEST.

Only, don't bother registering for it - I've got this one in the bag!

Shop till you DROP

2009-11-30T13:06:00.007-05:00

We've decided since we are BA-ZILLION dollars in debt AND expecting a little bundle of joy in a few months that we will forgo holiday shopping this year. People are pretty satisfied with the gift of life - so we're going to milk that for all that it's worth and I'm going to try extra hard to brew up a cute little boy.

BUT for those of you who ARE fa-la-la-ing this holiday season (with your shopping finger that is).

SEPHORA HAS FREE SHIPPING ENDS TODAY!! CODE: SHIP4FREE

and some SOUP-ER cute holiday gift items

Stila Lip Glaze Set $25!

Bare Escentuals starter kit ($174 value!)
LIMITED TIME EXCLUSIVE OFFER!
20% Off Bare Escentuals Get Started Kits. Now $48. (Was $60.)
One week only. Valid through December 1.
For free U.S. shipping, enter promo code GETSTARTED at checkout.

or if you need a CLASSY stocking stuffer or gift exchange gift...
Try this Philosphy kit for $5 SHIPPED FREE!

AND if you're not feeling Sephora (what's WRONG with you?) NY & Company has a 50% off Everything Cyber Monday Sale.
Apply coupon code 4136 for free shipping

My favorite thing about waking up for work

2009-11-24T08:00:00.000-05:00

Even better, Matt with a side of Nie

Wish lists

2009-11-23T16:06:00.009-05:00

Do you ever make wish lists? I *LOVE* lists and a list of things I covet seems like a perfect match. I currently have a hand-written list that includes: chocolate (black) colored pearls (fake totally acceptable) like THESE via CJANE, Kat Von D eye shadow and more time with my husband.

Did you know you can make a wish list on Amazon? Every time I see something that I like or MIGHT like at some point in time, I use my shopping finger to click on "add to wish list" it's kind of like electronic lay-a-way only you don't actually buy anything.

CHESS in Concert DVD via AMAZON

Did you know Etsy has a wish least feature? Actually, it says "add item to your favorites" - but close enough! These are my current faves!

via Sew Jewcy

via Lilyja

via Joyful Star

Now if I could only find a way to drop these hints to my friends and family....

I'm famous! Now will somebody bring me some mint water?

2009-11-21T12:03:00.003-05:00

Happy weekend friends! I'm busy getting ready to watch the OSU vs. Michigan game (GO BUCKS!)

Pam Beesly: Yeah! I love being on the road, but I especially love the time-and-a-half pay, twenty-four hours a day for three days. 'Cause, I have a mortgage now! Gotta bring home the bucks!

Michael Scott: Yea-oh don't say BUCKS, that's not lady-like.

ALSO, I was honored to blog over at Our Little Apartment today. Ashley rocks so hard and we're both Ohio girls so it was so nice of her to let me share my crazy over in her neck of the woods.

Check me out!

Seriously - go do it.

Also, GO BUCKS!

Sprucing up our house so we can sell it

2009-11-17T09:00:00.004-05:00

Speaking of splurging, now that we have *amazing* new carpet in our house - I redecorated the den last week with the help of Ikea and my trusty husband.

And these adorable stars from the David Stark Collection at West Elm.

I'm also trying to decide on some prints for the bedroom from LuckyBluebirdArt on Etsy.

::POST EDIT:: Now isn't this a CO-INKY-DINK...Check out David Stark's twine snowmen on Design*Sponge today!

FOR SALE AWESOME YELLOW TABLE $50

2009-11-16T14:20:00.007-05:00

My shopping finger is grounded indefinitely with no dessert. I splurged on this chartreuse table and now I want hide in a box until Craig comes up with a buyer from his list. I actually consider myself a savvy shopper and this is the biggest case of buyers remorse I've suffered since that clearance Kate Spade wallet episode (which, btw, I ended up selling on Ebay for a $25 profit).

Why? Because while this table is indeed awesome and may or may not look amazing in a baby's room AND appeals to my increasingly modern/eclectic taste that stems from numerous hours browsing design blogs...I bought it for the guest room and failed to measure the height of the bed.

Our towering pillow top mattress makes this table look like it belongs in a barbie dream house or to a dwarf with a thing for yellow paint.

Now I have to find someone to take it off my hands before my husband will allow me to shop for a replacement table.

It was just something about the 50% off price tag that left my logistical, measuring, frugal, sensical qualities to fend for themselves and now they are ganging up and threatening to beat me silly with a licorice rope.

Before you comment with the obvious:

The closest Urban Outfitters is over an hour away AND they don't stock furniture.

I paid over $15 in shipping (IDIOT!)

Yes, it's assembled (by my amazingly non judgmental husband)

No, I don't still have the box and don't even really know where the receipt is.

The jokes on YOU SUCK-AH!

2009-11-10T11:08:00.004-05:00

My hubs has been asked some pretty crazy questions on the interview trail so far. Of course people always ask him if he's married (duh! see ring on left finger) AND if he has/wants kids. For a surgeon the CORRECT answer is... No. This is a no good, terrible, very bad thing but surgeons see procreation as time where they will have to cover your ass while you're off doing whatever with your new offspring. One interviewer even went as far as to say he used to make his female residents come into his office everyday so he could WATCH THEM TAKE THEIR BIRTH CONTROL PILL! This is wrong. So so wrong. Hubs just gives a general answer, something like, "Well I'm 31, so at some point I will want kids." That seems to suffice and although it makes me FURIOUS that this is an accepted standard - I'm somehow okay with him equivocating a little.

He also gets frustrated with silly hypothetical questions where people judge you for your answer - no matter how arbitrary the question is... like these.

What animal would you be?

and if you say a cat because you love naps you look like a lazy ass who is going to be SLEEPING ON THE JOB. So, you might as well say OWL because you like to stay up all night swooping in on patients. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

What ONE WORD best describes you?

I laughed my butt of when he told me that he casually muttered "enthusiastic" and then made a joke about how UN-enthusiastic his answer was :)

We decided CURIOUS was a better answer, with limited implications.

What is your biggest weakness?

He went with the, "You should ask my wife this question..." reply.

I told him I would make a list for him to keep in his pocket, a very long list which includes the inabilty to make the bed and hold in his farts in public or attempting to use cliches. This weekend I about fell out of the chair when he said that one last touchdown would really "put a knife in a coffin" UM, WHAT? Then he told me this one hospital he went to was "a real shit in the wall" AGAIN, STOP ATTEMPTING CLICHES.

If you could meet three people, past, present or future who would they be?

I think he said his grandson and two other answers that were so forgettable I forgot them already. He's not so good a intangible impromptu questions.

or how about this one, Tell me a joke.

Um, okay because an applicant's job is to entertain whatever crusty old surgeon is interviewing them. You tell a Jewish joke, you're a antisemitic? Try to bash blondes or fat people? Hello? You've never seen this guy's wife! OR, if you tell a dirty joke you're totally inappropriate and a law suit waiting to happen. WORST OF ALL- you tell a LAME joke. And then you're just NOT FUNNY. Do they really want to work with someone who's not funny? My husband and I are both terrible at jokes, so luckily he hasn't been asked this question ...yet.

If I were asked this question, the only joke I know is this one:

Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was assaulted.

I used to know a dirty joke that had something to do with wrapping someone in saran wrap but I forget it. Which is probably good. I also know a joke about a girl who used to have a mouse tattoo on her lady bits and when her boyfriend asked where it went she said, "My pussy ate it." Does that even count as a joke? This is supposed to be a clean blog for the most part so we're going to pretend I didn't just tell you that one.

Do you know any acceptable jokes for my hubs to tell?

My Favorite Things - Edition #19

2009-11-06T14:35:00.007-05:00

Right now I *heart* thinking about warm cozy things. Snuggling on my husband is ALWAYS my first choice, but when I can't have that... I'll settle for these...

Starbucks Decaf Peppermint Mocha or Peppermint Hot Chocolate

Circle Scarf (in some amazingly rich fall colors) by Etsy seller rachelfixed

and leggings paired with a cozy sweater. I'm LOVING my gap maternity leggings right now - it took swallowing an entire cantaloupe for me to get up the nerve to wear them, but I'm never going back!

and if you want something HOT!!

Victoria's Secret has *free shipping* on any order! Today only! (11/6)
Code: SHIPFREE

We want a pitcher, not a belly itcher!

2009-11-04T11:19:00.002-05:00

This week is the pinnacle of BO-RING. I’ve got nothing going on, in my brain or otherwise. You know how some weeks you have a hair appointment, dentist appointment, toe-painting party, SOMETHING to look forward to? Not this week. And it’s only Wednesday. My credit card is blowing up after purchasing maternity clothes and several emotionally-charged trips to Target – so shopping is out of the question. TV is a total suck-fest because of base and ball, which I happen to care NOTHING about. BTW, did you know there is a player on the team and his only job is to pitch the last inning of the game? What a total slacker! When hubs told me that, I seriously told him to get out of town. What’s so special about THAT GUY that he doesn’t have to run around in the fields or lob a few more balls over that hexagonal place mat? This enhances my conclusion that baseball sucks. White pants to play in the dirt? Seriously?

In other news, my hubs is orbiting around the country interviewing for residency positions for the next few months. His biggest challenge is that he has to make small talk. Me? I could chat someone up in the grocery store about their Vera Bradley purse or the coupon I found in the deodorant aisle FOR HOURS. Him, he could care less. He’s one smart cookie, there’s no doubt about that – but proving he’s the type of guy you’d want to be stuck standing in the OR with for some 8-hour penis surgery – is his biggest challenge yet (yes my husband wants to cut on boys’ nether regions. Please don’t judge me.) Don’t get me wrong, He’s hilariously charming and I’d want to converse with him on a boat or with a goat- but sometimes it’s just hard to talk to people you don’t know about shit you don’t care about.

Like baseball.

This is what happens when you eat too much Activia

2009-10-30T14:44:00.000-04:00

You dress up as FIBER for Halloween. Ugh!

My Favorite Things - Edition #18

2009-10-30T11:28:00.004-04:00

OMG HALLOWEEN! (this is along the same lines as OMG ...St. Patrick's Day, Valentine's Day, and OMG Cinco De Mayo! - because frivolous holidays are THE BOMB)

Who doesn't love Halloween? No religious connotations, lots of CANDY and the color ORANGE - what's NOT to love?

The only thing I do not like about Halloween is being scared.

I.Hate.Being.Scared.

Luckily, I married an adorable man who is just as big of a wimp as I am. We don't watch scary movies, dateline or cops because we have nightmares. One time we watched a documentary on serial killers and we couldn't sleep for a week - EPIC FAIL.

There are lots of things I'm scared of (um..childbirth anyone?) but here are some of my TOPS:

Drowning

Varicose veins

A boil in my face filled with eggs and spider babies

Being hit by a train

Being attacked

Republicans

Snakes

Haunted houses, hayrides, wax museums (our kid will have to find surrogate parents to indulge them in such ridiculousness, but we're hoping our scaredy-catness is genetic and we'll never have to worry about it.)

and I am terrified of walking on city grates, a fear which my husband refuses to acknowledge and actually PUSHES me onto them! Well, today he can BITE ME because MERMANDA found a horrible reason to substantiate my fear - SEE!

People really do plunge to their deaths (or get hurt really bad) from walking on grates.

Also, remember last year when my husband was Incredible?

I have this picture on my desk and never ever want to stop looking at it.

TOMORROW we're carving pumpkins and having a fire pit and S'Mores and toasting seeds and trick-or-treat and eating candy and everything that is majorly awesome about fall is happening tomorrow.

Happy Halloween my friends!!

smiles GA-LORE!

2009-10-27T11:52:00.002-04:00

::in other news::

I'm growing a penis inside me. Click on the bird in the side bar if you want to see for yourself.

Bridal blogs are addicting

2009-10-27T10:25:00.005-04:00

Although my wedding has long been planned and celebrated, I still find myself drawn to pictures of beautiful gowns and weddings. I went to Barnes and Noble the other night to thumb through some baby name books and couldn't help but stop to look at bridal magazines. My husband was SUCH a doll during our wedding planning process, he let me buy EVERY BRIDAL MAGAZINE ON THE SHELF FOR AN ENTIRE YEAR! He told me he was pretty confident this was the only time in my life I'd be planning a wedding of my own, so I was welcome to spend $5-$10 on glossy pages containing mostly ads and overpriced gimmicks - if just to feel part of it all.

Part of it I was. I think, in many ways I was more present on my wedding day than any other day in my life. It was as if my senses we all fluttering around me and I was caught up in the most amazing whirlwind of love, appreciation and admiration of the very thing that is spending the rest of your life with someone.

And maybe that's why today when I saw this stunning RED-HEADED BRIDE I was transported back to my own day. The day when my beautiful family began.

My Favorite Things - Edition #17

2009-10-23T08:30:00.003-04:00

Watching my sweet kitty warm herself as the fall sun streams in

(and having a AWESOME camera and EVEN MORE AWESOME husband to capture images like these!)

Right now TV makes me SMILE

2009-10-22T13:16:00.005-04:00

Can I tell you how much I am TOTALLY IN LOVE WITH GLEE? Oh my goodness, that show. It makes my musical theater heart flutter every time a number starts. I get this HUGE smile on my face and cannot help but ooze with, well, GLEE.

The musical numbers from last night were SO SO GOOD! I love how these Broadway actors have crossed over and brought their talents to prime time. And aside from the faking pregnancy/teen pregnancy/homosexual undertones ... it's a family friendly show (and set in O-H I-O!)

CAN YOU IMAGINE if this was YOUR HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER??! That adorable, talented curly-haired wonder? Yes, Please. I will go back to high school FOR HIM.

My new favorite thing to do in my free time is search the YouTube for GLEE clips. I know, I have no life.

In other news, last night on "I Peed Out My Baby" the nurse looks up at this girl and says,

Congratulations! You just had a baby IN YOUR PANTS.

CLASSIC!

(to top the horrific awfulness that is the toilet baby show, they now have a show called My Monkey Baby - oh my sweet baby jesus please stop me before I watch it.)

And I also worked on these

2009-10-21T08:03:00.001-04:00

The doctoral program I am applying to will accept my old scores, so I no longer need to:

8. ~~Study for the GRE~~

39. ~~Take the GRE~~

40. Apply to DrPH programs (application is due DECEMBER 1st and I'm almost finished with it!)

BUT, because of
33. ~~Keep a secrete~~

I can't do these this year...

13. Go to a wine tasting

46. Ski

This past weekend we placed an order for our carpet.

16. ~~Get new carpet~~

And this counts DOUBLE because I MADE a fancy banner...for BOTH of my blogs! Go me!

38. ~~Get a fancy banner for my blog~~

Now if I could only...

44. Win something!!

(16 more to go!!)

Resolutions don't have to happen in America

2009-10-20T08:30:00.001-04:00

31. ~~Play ski ball~~

and then hubs played that strong man game... and KILLED IT!

43. ~~Paint my nails navy blue~~

OH Canada!

2009-10-19T08:30:00.000-04:00

I've been wanting to show you some pictures and I finally got around to pulling them off of the camera - so this week you're in for a treat!

We spent a couple days in Canada on our way home from Boston (Oh god, the drive!)

Apparently Frankenstein really likes Whoppers

and I really (REALLY) like candy apples - even though I almost break my teeth off every time I eat one.

and everything is lit up at night in a really cool way

It makes your balls glow

and my adorable husband who carried all of our camera crap and souvenirs so not to burden his pregnant wife.

And even let me hit on an astronaut!

Glow-in-the-dark putt putt ROCKS by the way and did you know that if you are pregnant you are AWESOME at miniature golf? True story. My friend Lydia told me this, and I am amazing at it right now.

Come back tomorrow and see which Resolutions I completed while in Canada!

Two blogs are harder than one

2009-10-15T15:46:00.007-04:00

It is hard to think about things to blog about for ONE blog - let alone TWO! I promised myself I would not bombard my readers with blah, blah, pregnancy crap. HOWEVER, it turns out, when you're actually pregnant - it's all you can think about!

That aforementioned crap is spewed over at Please Send Parenting Books, which if you are so inclined, can find by clicking on the cute little bird in my sidebar. Except for Jennie!, because Jennie thinks babies are assholes.

So I figured tomorrow I will do a My Favorite Things post - because I haven't done one in a while. And that leaves today. Well, today I wanted to send some shout outs.

Congratulations to MERMANDA! She got hitched to her perfect merman last weekend. WOOT! WOOT! She was a beautiful bride and I CANNOT WAIT to see more pictures and hear all about it once she's done shagging her brains out in Mexico.

Here we find her in a bathroom stall with a bridesmaid up her dress. Isn't she gorgeous? (sweetheart necklines make me ::swoon::)

And, my good friend E gave birth (NATURALLY! GOLD STAR FOR E!) to her second baby yesterday! (remember her red-headed daughter Miss Z whom I ADORE) Welcome Amelia Lindsay, good luck trying to get your sister to share her goldfish crackers!

And lastly, a huge HOLL-AH! to my Hubs. Because he is amazingly awesome and has 18 residency interviews already and is that much closer to actually having an income. YAY!!

New Year's Resolution #33... I owned you!

2009-10-09T10:25:00.011-04:00

I have a blog? What? It’s Friday and I’m pretty thankful this week is O-V-E-R. I am sorry for my LONG absence; things have been a little crazy around here. I’ll list a few updates and get into it more next week.

The bad:
1. My husband was away for two months.

2. He had to sleep in an icky hotel.

3. We have bed bugs in our house from said icky hotel.

4. The bed bugs were biting us in our sleep.

5. We have been living in a hotel because of said bugs.

6. Our cars are being treated for bed bugs and we have to drive a rental.

7. The rental is an HHR (barf!)

8. I had to bring Miss Har to work yesterday – she hates my job.

9. Hubs is working shift work in the ER this month.

10. My birthday grandpa is very stricken with *C word. He is home, but we’re not sure how long he has.

11. My dad is the biggest B-HOLE I know.

12. It’s raining.

13. Leaves are ALREADY starting to fall off the trees (stay leaves! stay!)

The good:

1.My mom is amazing.

2.I love my husband so much right now I could burst.

The AH-mazing:

Pop - not the soda kind

2009-09-23T13:22:00.003-04:00

I just popped a delightful little bag of microwave popcorn to finish off my lunch. This mini-bag was the perfect treat, and the fact that simply placing popcorn in a microwave produces an aroma that makes the other dozen cubicals in my office go wild... completes the package.

*Orville Redenbacher's smart pop mini bags

Bangs.

2009-09-22T23:40:00.001-04:00

Big BANG Theory*

2009-09-22T10:39:00.011-04:00

I've decided that this afternoon I am taking the plunge and GETTING BANGS!!

I have been thinking about it for a LONG time (like months, people) and I think I'm ready - I mean, are you ever REALLY ready? Last time I got bangs and spent hours pulling them and pinning them, I made my husband swear, "Next time I talk about getting bangs, you are responsible for reminding me HOW MUCH I HATE THEM."

Ah, how quickly we forget.

I've noticed all my friends look chick and fun with their long wispy bangs swept over to the side. So I stole pictures of them off of Facebook to bring to Lori this afternoon. (remember Lori? From the last time I contemplated bangs?)

See?

My cousin Mary

My friend Amanda

And one of my favorite bloggers, Joanna Goddard

Here I am in my office contemplating the bangs

And here I am contemplating the bangs while some guy adds EVEN MORE florescent light to our office

Plea send good vibes - Okay?

*Also - how much do you LOVE LOVE LOVE that show?
Sheldon: Whispering 'Don't make a sound' IS making a sound.

My Favorite Things - Edition #16

2009-09-18T14:13:00.006-04:00

I feel like it’s been forever since I told you people about things I HEART.

This morning’s shower brought a jolt that reminded me to do just that!

Everyone knows I am sucker for a good commercial – we have a DVR and fast forward through advertisments just to prevent me from BUYING EVERYTHING! (by the by, did you know Kohl’s now carries a SNUGGIE with OHIO STATE logos on it? A SNUGGIE!! I didn’t buy it, I swear, but if I had season tickets this year… I would have.)

Anyway, I was watching LIVE TV the other day (what’s that?) and saw a commercial for a facial mask (masque?) you can use in the shower. They claimed it was INVIGORATING.

And after this morning, I AGREE. It's like "I just had sex" face, without the actual sex!

This face wash should seriously be called WAKE YOUR FACE UP. It is a total experience. First you smooth it on (don’t use too much like I did – and don’t rub), then the tingling starts like little face fireworks. I worked on washing the rest of my parts (graphic! TMI!) while my facial extravaganza was at work. Then, after what I figured was a minute (maybe five) I started the exfoliating process – rub in a circular motion, but WATCH OUT! This is one scrubby scrub. Don’t push too hard or you will scrub your freckles right off! Then, rinse. After pulling my face away from the shower stream, COOLING EFEECTS! I swear this stuff is a party for your face! After my shower I looked in the mirror to see a VERY fresh face. Actually, it looked like I had just been skiing! My cheeks were bright and rosy and my eyes looked rested.

I’m serious people! I don’t get paid squat to blabber on and on this way about products and when some $6 face mask busts a move on my cheeks – you bet your other cheeks I’ll tell you about it. Just a note, I usually have sensitive skin but it was fine for me, so don’t be shy ladies, check it out.

And as you all know I totally heart Jewish Holidays and tonight begins the Jewish New Year celebration! Happy Rosh Hashana everyone!

L’Shana Tova!

I'm not the only one that knows of the magical nugget powers

2009-09-17T13:06:00.003-04:00

Remember when I told y'all my little secret about MAGIC SOUP?

Well, I've been eating it for three days now and I think I'm on my way to being cured.

Who needs doctors when you have crazy-mom-advice?

Not I my friends, not I.

I need to bake a pie - who needs pie?

2009-09-17T08:00:00.001-04:00

My updated resolutions list. I need to get a move on with these!

1. ~~Delete my MySpace account~~

2. ~~Spend way too much money on a fancy brunch~~

3. Bake an apple pie

4. ~~Register everyday for the HGTV dream home (contest ends 2/19/09)~~

5. Go to a BINGO night

6. Pay off my Discover card

7. ~~Donate books to a vagina charity~~

8. Study for the GRE

9. ~~Get an ‘A’ in my biostatistics course~~

10. See a sports medicine doctor for my knee

11. Organize my CDs

12. ~~Play more Wii~~

13. Go to a wine tasting

14. Snuggle

15. Know Shabbat prayers from memory

16. Get new carpet

17. Keep up with current events

18. ~~Switch to biodegradable cleaning products~~

19. Wear shimmery lip gloss

20. Have something published

21. Give someone a second chance

22. Dance with my husband

23. ~~Be on time for something~~

24. ~~Organize my computer area~~

25. Learn to use iTunes and photo editing software

26. Do 100 push ups

27. ~~Read more books (sTORI Telling) and keep track of them~~

28. ~~Go on a girls vacation with my friends possibly.to.the.beach~~

29. ~~Clip coupons~~

30. ~~Eat more dairy, soy and protein~~

31. Play ski ball

32. Own a necklace with a sparrow on it

33. Keep a secrete

34. Hand write notes to friends and family

35. ~~Get rid of my mail catalogs~~

36. ~~Be patient with husband’s schedule~~

37. ~~Floss more~~

38. ~~Get a fancy banner for my blog~~

39. Take the GRE

40. Apply to DrPH programs

41. Think before I speak

42. ~~Frame some wedding photos~~

43. Paint my nails navy blue

44. Win something

45. Give handmade holiday gifts

46. Ski

47. ~~hang out with my mom~~

48. ~~Have my veil preserved~~

49. ~~Wean myself off of Us Weekly~~

50. ~~Use more lotion~~

I still need to win something... little over three months to go!

My lips like sugar, this candy got your sprung.

2009-09-16T11:19:00.004-04:00

Sorry about my absence I’ve come down with a bit of THE CRUD. It’s especially juicy in the nose department and chopping my head off at the neck (sore throat included) has actually started to sound like a good option.

Do you know why I am sick? BECAUSE OF GERMS! I torment myself thinking about WHERE/WHEN this little germ entered my body and began reeking havoc on my system. I’m pretty sure I picked it up on a plane (EW! recycled air!) or on the Boston Subway this weekend. Did I mention I rode public transportation and then licked chicken wing sauce off my fingers WITHOUT WASHING MY HANDS FIRST!? I swear on hot dogs I did this, and now I am paying for it.

But I need to stop sniffing and snarting long enough to tell you this story. Husband and I were in a mall in Boston this weekend and I saw a line of candy machines. CANDY MACHINES! Like the kind you put 25 cents in and then put your hand under to catch the pile of candy. AN ENTIRE ROW OF THEM!! As I fiddled through my purse for quarters this guy comes along and asks us to step aside. TOTALLY NORMAL LOOKING GUY. Older, brown hair, tall and lanky – probably in his 40’s. We step aside as he puts on a VERY serious face and starts searching the rows of candy machines. Hubs and I stand there for a second wondering if he lost something, when the guy starts digging behind the machines.

THEN, VERY RAPIDLY, HE STARTS PULLING OUT STRAY, FALLEN PIECES OF CANDY AND SHOVES THEM IN HIS MOUTH!!

He is frantically searching every machine looking for dropped candy to eat, finding it and WITHOUT EVEN WIPING THE DUST OFF - HE SHOVES IT IN HIS MOUTH!!

At first I just stand there looking shocked, wondering where the HELL this guy came from. He was apparently threatened by us and thought we might get in on his secret. Then after watching what he was actually doing I started laughing LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY and had to turn away. Like the kind of laughing where you think you might be able to contain yourself and then you start crying and losing it. Yeah. That kind of laughing.

So after he does he sweep of the machines – HE VANISHES!

I gather my quarters and tell husband to put out his hand to catch my candy – his hands are way bigger than mine. I chose chewy sprees AND Reeses Pieces (not PEE-CEES!!)

Me: Hey! You dropped some of my candies! (on the floor no less)

Husband: Yeah, I know, those are for him.

As we walk away trying to eat the candies before my husband’s hand became a rainbow of fruit flavors and melted peanut butter, he looks at me and says, “Please tell me you will blog about that.”

So my friends, I believe this creepy, candy stalking man was brought into my life to prove to me that licking chicken wings off my public transportation fingers wasn’t the MOST unsanitary thing to happen all weekend.

Well that and to give me something to blog about.

The journey is the reward

2009-09-10T14:41:00.003-04:00

This week on A CUP OF JOE while Joanna is off shagging her brains off on her honeymoon, she's having guests post about their secrets to a happy marriage. Many of you know I am a total sap and love on my husband as much as possible, so reading these has really brightened my week. I especially liked this quote from today's guest poster:

"You want to be a woman your husband can brag about, and more importantly, you want to be a woman *you* can brag about."

A-MEN sister! Amen.

Twosies in the sky with diamonds

2009-09-08T15:32:00.006-04:00

[Serious part: Thank you all for your prayers for my birthday grandpa, but things don’t look good. Apparently he’s full of the “C” word and we’re waiting to see where that leaves us.]

How much do you adore the picture I posted yesterday of Miss Har? The best part about it is, she’s sitting on the back of the couch WHERE SHE KNOWS SHE IS NOT SUPPOSED TO SIT!! Except she was looking all cute and stuff with those outstretched paws (later she crossed them which, I swear, was even more adorable) so instead of yelling at her like a responsible Mommy, I told her to “stay right there” while I put my new favorite lens on the camera to take her picture. And stay she did - FOR LIKE TWO HOURS. I am a terrible cat parent. I always let her do shit she’s not supposed to do (like eat tapioca pudding, drink from the sink and climb in the fridge) – then husband has to yell at her to stop whatever it is she shouldn't be doing and she looks at him like, "Whatever, you're not my real dad anyway!" Why do I let this happen? because I have no balls and I want my cat to love me (more than she loves my husband). I know. I’m terrible. The worst part about this realization is – if I’m willing to do this to an unsuspecting cat CAN YOU IMAGINE WHAT I WILL DO TO OUR OFFSPRING? I just keep telling myself (and my husband) that kids are different than cats. Because they kind of are. In some ways. Like the furry, claws, pee in litter box stuff. Kids don’t do that. At least the ones I've met don't.

And in other random news, I am on a water kick. And by kick I don’t mean I actually kick water (can you do that?) but I am trying to drink it (like 8 heaping glasses of it) because it does a body good (like milk, only clear). Why is this blog-worthy material? Because, quite honestly, water is gross. Except for when you are spinning or right after you get off of a plane (PLANES MAKE YOU THIRSTY). You are thirsty because, if you are like me, you refuse the in flight drink. Which while for the time being is still complimentary – indulging in such behavior may result in your having to bend it like Beckham in an upright coffin in the sky that smells like lavender soap and urinal cakes and there's BLUE WATER!? I loath this. Ew. No thank you. Not to mention every time you pass the people sitting near the loo, I’m sure they guess to themselves whether you sat down for tinkles or twosies. And OH GOD twosies in mid air – please no. Make it stop. (for more about twosies, read Jennie!'s blog today – but don’t say I didn’t warn you.)

So my question is...
Do YOU drink 8 glasses of water a day?

Plain water?

Ice water?

Lemon water?

Bottled water?

Through a straw?

On a boat? With a goat?

What do you do to make the misery less miserable?

I urge you to tell me your secrets. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to pee.

Happy Labor Day!

2009-09-07T14:11:00.001-04:00

As you can see, we're not doing much labor at all!

This Friday, I ask you for prayers

2009-09-04T10:15:00.002-04:00

My birthday grandpa is in the ICU and things are looking grim. Please keep my family in your thoughts.

Crazy A-SIAN man

2009-09-02T13:56:00.004-04:00

So after our really really ridiculously long drive, husband and I arrived at the hotel in Boston. We stood at the front desk waiting for the clerkman to get off the phone. Not TWO SECONDS LATER, an Asian man and his wife fly through the doors. The man pushes us aside and SLAMS his hands on the counter yelling “SHAHM-POOOOOO!” The clerk looks up from his phone call and the man bangs on the counter again, “SHAHM-POO! SHAHM-POO! I need SHAHM-POO!” The clerk looks up and says, “Yes, in a second sir.” And crazy Asian man and wife STORM OFF.

Husband looks at me, “Um, that was weird.”

So the clerk checks us in, gives us our room key and directs us down the hall to room 130. Husband tries the key. Nothing happens. Tries again. Still nothing.

We go back up to the counter (the counter that now has a bottle of SHAHM-POO sitting on it) and tell him our key doesn’t work. He apologizes and reprograms our key.

Back at room 130, husband slides the key and successfully enters the room. I am about to follow, until I hear from inside,

“NOT YOUR ROOM! NO! ROOM TAKEN! SECOND TIME THIS HAPPEN! FILE COMPLAINT! I FILE COMPLAINT”

My husband quicky exits the room and we rush to the desk – not so fast as to beat crazy Asian man from pushing us out of the way to SCREAM at the clerk, “I FILE COMPLAINT! SECOND TIME, IN MY ROOM!”

Clerk, “Sir, I cannot deal with you right now.”

Man, “I FILE COMPLAINT!! I FILE COMPLAINT!”

Clerk, “Sir, I told you flat out I don’t have time for this. Here’s our card, go the website and file whatever complaint you want.”

Man, “I FILE COMPLAINT!! I FILE COMPLAINT!”

Clerk, “GO TO THE WEB-SITE, I’M NOT DEALING WITH YOU!”

As the man storms off (without his SHAHM-POO) and shaking his finger at US ("YOU FILE COMPLAINT!") the clerk looks at us (trying to keep from hysterics)

Clerk, “Yeah, that guy’s a DICK.”

Moral of the story: Bring your own damn shampoo and always pad lock your door.

Oh and if you’re going to Boston, the customer service is awesome!

I just can't deal with it

2009-09-01T10:51:00.004-04:00

The Duggars announced this morning that their NINETEENTH child is on the way - going to be born in March.

The pregnancy came as a shock? What? You don't know how people get pregnant BY NOW?!

That lady's uterus is a rubber band (on it's way to jello!) STOP THE MADNESS!!

Quote: "Children are a blessing, a gift, if you train them and raise them right - they will be. With our children, we will train them and raise them to love God."

TRAIN THEM?

The car is no place to spend a weekend

2009-08-31T13:03:00.005-04:00

If you love your husband as much as I love mine, here is a bit of marital advice for you to chew on.

DO NOT drive from North Carolina to Boston with him with nothing but a mini snickers bar, a travel-sized bag of cashews, four jolly ranchers and an ipod shuffle.

We set out with high hopes and big plans. Friday, 4.5 hours of driving to make our way to DC and stay with friends. Mission accomplished. We talked about everything there was for two gorgeously attractive married people to discuss and wrapped it up just about the time we pulled up at our friend’s house for a late-night snack and a good night's rest.

ENTER DAY 2

THIRTEEN STRAIGHT HOURS IN THE CAR TOGETHER!! THREE HOURS OF STOPPED TRAFFIC ON THE NJ TURNPIKE (NJ TURNPIKE – I OFFICIALLY HATE YOU FOREVER)!! THIRTY-TWO DOLLARS IN TOLLS!!! (who the shit carries that much cash on them?) DIRTY REST STOPS!! THIRSTY!! DIRTY REST STOPS!!

Oh and did I mention we ran out of things to talk about on DAY ONE!!?

Did I mention his car is a stick shift which I refuse to learn to drive, therefore I could not help him drive and as a result he got SHIN SPLINTS ON THE NJ TURNPIKE!!

Did I mention rest stops are DIRTY?

Did I mention we have a marital rule that the passenger cannot fall asleep (they are supposed to keep the driver awake and alert at all times) and is responsible for TOPICS OF CONVERSATION?

Did I mention no amount of Sirius Radio or ipod playlists can span 17.5 HOURS!? (also did you know there is a song called, My Weiner? – well there is. And it’s almost dirtier than REST STOPS!!)

Also, did you know PEOPLE ARE RUDE ASSHOLES? Well, they are. THEY REALLY ARE! I was standing in line (A long long line) for the loo (did I mention the NJ Turnpike was backed up for TWENTY MILES?? Yeah that makes lots of ladies and LOTS OF PEEING) and BTW there was NO LINE for the penis bathroom and out comes a scruffy old man who looks at the line of uncomfortable women clenching their pee-holes and says, “Well ladies, goes to show ya’ – it’s a man’s world.” DIIIIICK!

Anyway this frizzy hot mess of a lady walks up and down the line saying, “I’m sorry but I have to go, I’m just not waiting in this line. I’m not waiting.” She ends up four people behind me and once we are actually in the bathroom she pushes me to the side and says – “I’m going ahead of you, I really have to go.” I should have peed right on her. The people behind me were appalled. There was a very pregnant lady in front of me who waited her turn in line, despite many people offering to let her pass in front of them. As the piss lady pushes past me, I hear from behind me, “Oh my god, the nerve of that woman! If she would have pushed that pregnant girl aside – IT WOULD HAVE BEEN ON!” So it’s totally okay if she pushes the cute red-headed chick out of the way? I stood in line wishing the piss princess had pushed preggers and I could have had a front row seat to the gun show. Instead I said nothing, but used my powers of telekinesis to work voodoo magic on her (the piss lady, not the pregnant lady).

If my powers are correct, she is itching the bjeezus out of her lady parts AS WE SPEAK!

For more on how to get divorced, stay tuned TOMORROW.

Eating Nemo, without cooking him, is just plain wrong

2009-08-27T11:54:00.009-04:00

Image via Dead Zebra, Inc

Last night we had a Jewish GNO (girl's night out) where we get together once a month for dinner. This was my first time being invited to this particular group, so I vowed to be on my best behavior so not to embarrass my friend who invited me [So, who's the red-headed, kid-less jew chick?]

When I got the original invite (via Facebook, where else?) I thought the restaurant was a steakhouse. Upon checking further, it did not serve steak (or "beefy wonder" as my mom calls it, she has strong opinions about meat) rather, it was a Japanese restaurant specializing in fish - the dead kind that's wrapped up to look pretty. YIKES! I considered bailing rather than embarrassing my friend with my horror, but she reassured me via text that they have other things to eat (probably not hot dogs).

When I arrived I was thrilled to see teriyaki chicken on the menu (you know you've been approached in a mall food court by a small Asian woman forcing a meaty toothpick in your face) so I ordered that. AND (oh the delish-ISH glory) MISO SOUP. Yes, I like soup made of bean curd, tofu, spinach and onion. I heart it actually and will eat your bowl should you decide you don't like it.

While the rest of the girls oohed and awwed over the eel rolls and pink fishy goodness - I enjoyed my fully cooked food.

And when they asked me why I didn't eat sushi. I was able to not go into my usual nausea-inducing diatribe, BECAUSE OF TAPEWORMS!!!! YOU LIVE NO WHERE NEAR AN OCEAN AND CHANCES ARE THAT FISH IS NOT UBER FRESH AND CLEAN. HAVE YOU CONSIDERED THE POSSIBILITY THAT WHEN YOU WAKE UP TOMORROW YOU WILL BE FILLED WITH A 9-FOOT WORM AND HAVE PROGLOTTIDS SWARMING AROUND YOUR ANUS? ( even though I've been wishing this on my brother for years, the ignorant little shit!)

No, instead, I pretended not to eat it on vague principal, "I just don't consume raw fish." I held back my educated rant even after one lady made this comment, "I'm sure all of us here, well except you [pointing to me], have read countless parenting books." What-EV, I only worked in pediatrics for years and my hubs is going to be a ~~penis~~ doctor so just because I haven't birthed one doesn't mean I don't know that you're totally bonkers to not vaccinate your kid.

And after watching her pile a big load of uncooked sea life into her mouth, I silently wished havoc on her butthole and proceeded to explain the concept of herd immunity.

Overall, I think it went pretty well for my first outing.

And for you kids at home that don't eat raw fishies - why not mock those who do? (via We Covet)

SALE!

2009-08-26T10:59:00.008-04:00

Are you ready to exercise? Well bust out those shopping fingers and check out the deals I scored this week!

Vera Bradley Zip Around Wallet $15! (reg. $38) TODAY ONLY!! This wallet is awesome and holds more crap-OH-lA! than you could possibly imagine. Do you have a frequent shopper card to every boutique you've ever stepped foot in? This one's for you (or your mom for the holidays - start now, save now. That's my motto!)

Next up, Pleated Tulip Skirt $25! (reg. $59.50) I actually bought the entire outfit this chick has on last night at Ann Taylor Loft (when hubs is a doctor, this store is my destiny). The shirt was a total splurge that I am NOT proud of, but I needed to look sophisticated on Friday and this might be my only hope. I made the sales girl rip it straight off the mannequin. I walked out with this outfit, a $10 pair of jeans and a $25 cash-back coupon and tapped that nekkid mannequin on the bum. Thanks lady!

And lastly, I had to re-buy the FABULOUS Victoria Secret cover up I wore on my Mexico trip because, I sat in bleach (and almost cried!) Thankfully it's on SALE $22.99 (reg. $39) with AN ADDITIONAL 40% off when you use the code CLEAR40 until tomorrow!! Total: $13.79!!! This is so soft and the color is stunning. I heart it. A lot.

Thank me later, okay?

Cheers!

Man was that burnt butt cheek worth it!

2009-08-24T14:23:00.003-04:00

ALOHA! I’ve officially returned from Mexico! (and no one killed me and my kidneys are still intact)

While I had limited access to email and Facebook, I saved my google reader for today. TEN DAYS WORTH OF BLOG GLORY and I'm TOTALLY PSYCHED TO DEVOUR IT ALL!! I’m giddy clicking on links to see what my inter-peeps have been up to. Mermanda has had some fun stuff going on and ADORABLE E-pics (who wouldn’t eat those two up with a lens?), and a FAB contest FOR GAP JEANS was posted on My Little Reviews. Can I tell you how happy I am that she’s whored herself out to the Gap?

Coming home from vacation is always bitter sweet.

Boo, expired milk for breakfast.

YAY, subway meatball sub for lunch.

YAY, my own bed.

Boo, work.

I arrived at my office today nervous about a big project we had talked about me working on before I left. One which I was TOTALLY capable of doing, but would have been quite the ulcer-inducing mess.

This note was on my desk, hand written on the proposal by my big boss.

Welcome back!

F &*% K it!

Good effort.

It took me a good three minutes to decipher if this was a secret code or if I were reading the note incorrectly. I was impressed by the penned effort to maintain professionalism in the workplace by using the accepted-random-symbol-insertion-technique. I laughed my ass off and then broke out the tequila-filled truffles I snagged in Mexico.

What? you want to hear about my 8 days of Mexican bliss?

All in good time my lovelies, all in good time.

Watermelon Keg Stand

2009-08-14T12:00:00.003-04:00

THIS IS AWESOME!

*Don't forget to read my favorite things post from earlier today.

Seriously, go read it.

My Favorite Things - Edition #15

2009-08-14T10:18:00.008-04:00

But MOM, I WANT IT!!

There are things I want right now. Well there are always things I want. I'm a want-er. And please read the word WANT with emphasis because, I assure you, need for NOTHING. NOTHING I tell you!! I actually find myself looking at my home, every nook and cranny (what's a cranny?) with a violent urge to THROW IT ALL AWAY. Then the guilt kicks in. Guilt about garbage piling up and DESTROYING THE ENVIRONMENT! Like how long does it take for an ugly color Clinique trial size eye shadow to leave this earth? You can't tell me? Shit. I have to keep it.

Things I want right now:

A Northface rain jacket

Some comfortable (and reasonably priced) black heels to wear to work

A (used?) Cannondale hybrid 15" women's bike

And gift certificate to Sephora

Because have I told you how much I *love* Bare Minerals? Well the geniuses in the "common sense" department FINALLY found a way for me to travel with loose powder (because my Scotch tape antics work only 50% of the time!)

"The new Click, Lock, Go™ component, you can take bareMinerals Matte SPF 15 Foundation everywhere you go—no spills, no leaks, no worries. "

Three words: IT'S ABOUT TIME!

Also I'm dying to try Kat Von D's eyeliner and tattoo concealer because remember the episode of LA INK where she had ALL 78962 of her tattoos covered with it? Right, like all of them. Man she rocks so hard!

And don't forget - I'm going to be laying on the beach next week so you won't hear from me. Unless it's on the news, because my boss told me I am destined to be abducted by Mexican drug lords and killed - but not before they steal my kidneys.

And you thought YOUR boss was supportive!

When you love someone, all your saved-up wishes start coming out

2009-08-11T15:38:00.006-04:00

I went to Shabbat services at Temple Friday night for the first time in a long time. Partly because I'm lazy and partly because services are led by members in the summertime (which I don't care for that much). When I entered to sanctuary I was overwhelmed with memories of our wedding. I have been back and sat through services several times since, yet Friday was different. All I could picture was husband and I up on the bima (raised platform) saying our vows to one another. I was thinking about what a special day that was and trying to remember every single minute of it. The words, the tears, the laughter and pride. I wanted to relive that day a million times over just to feel the wonder of those moments again. I spent the entire service thinking about that day, and much of the car ride home. I was thankful that I could walk into a room and be reminded of such joy and togetherness. Then I was saddened because in 10 short months we will live somewhere else. And although I welcome our new adventure with an open heart and mind, Friday night Shabbat services will no longer be held in the sacred place where I married my beloved. I really never imagined I could love someone THIS much. It boggles my mind.

::Le sigh::

On a more narcissistic note, in the new Vera Bradley catalog I found a contest where people vote on a wedding photo of your bridal party.

Will you GO VOTE FOR ME?

Pretty, pretty please. I really want to win (something, anything, come on people! Go Team Tam!)

I have a pending sponsorship offer from Nike, so back off Adidas

2009-08-10T12:33:00.005-04:00

When I stepped out of my car this morning to walk into work I was hit in the face by a plume of humidity. Nothing shout MIDWEST SUMMER like a sweaty upper lip and frizzy hair first thing in the morning. I walked into the building thankful that I spend my days inside..until I realized inside, felt like outside. I was greeted to a note on our office door (clearly posted to avoid nagging questions) stating that the air was broken and would most likely be out for today and tomorrow. IT WAS A BAJILLION DEGREES PEOPLE! The office reeked of stagnate air and smoke from the clothing of the cleaning staff who were emptying the garbage that was left to marinate over the weekend. The only two words that came to my mind were: SICK DAY.

But I sucked it up, went to my cubical and switched on my computer. And low and behold, two hours later, COLD AIR. Apparently, the fixers were on the ball this morning and for that I am VERY grateful.

ANYWAY, what I really wanted to ~~brag~~ blog about was my weekend. Well, at least one glorious hour of my weekend when I went putt putting with B. Let me preface this by saying husband and I almost GOT DIVORCED on our honeymoon when we attempted the course at the resort. I do believe this was some sort of Mexican conspiracy set up to test the bonds of marriage because after hitting a sextriple bogie, choice words were shared, clubs were thrown and well, I quit.

Without going into detail I explained to B that I’m bad at this game and often get putt-induced Tourette Syndrome. We decided to only score if someone got a hole-in-one. This was presumably easier and we didn’t have to carry around that creepy little pencil with no eraser. We also set up an escape plan. We would leave immediately if one three things happened.

1) either of us saw or thought we saw lightening

2) We felt rain drops other than windy splashes from the blue-water fountains

3) Someone urinated on us

I thought this was a pretty good plan and after a few practice putts I was ready. Can I just tell you that I made my own self look like a liar when I ROCKED that club like TIGER WOODS. Wanna take a ride on my disco stick? Because it’s officially on fire! On my fourth hole, I GOT A HOLE IN ONE! I don’t think, in my entire career of putt putt golfing, I’ve ever gotten a hole-in-one. THEN I continued to dominate that plastic grass green with 2-3 put shots. Thankyouverymuch I’m awesome.

Score: Tam 1; B 0

I smell a rematch coming on... or is that urine?

I SOOOOO Want to WIN!!

2009-08-08T17:11:00.003-04:00

I am full of places to win lately...

Check out the GIVE-AH-WAY on Our Little Apartment's Review Blog! She's sold her soul to the gap and I'm REEEHEEEHEEALY hoping to get a piece of that.

A $50 piece to be exact.

CHECK IT.

Just another manic Friday

2009-08-07T12:01:00.004-04:00

My friend, E, made me Key Lime pie last night and her daughter ate the crumbs off my plate WITH HER FACE. It was very much awesome.

My secretary gave me a cucumber this morning.

I'm going to Outback Steakhouse this weekend with B (who is STILL single, btw).

I need to wash the kitchen floor because, well, eww.

I bought these adorable paper owls and cannot wait to assemble them!

AND I plan on watching "Labor Pains" the Lindsey Lohan movie that went straight to TV (ouch) which has been wasting away on my DVR for weeks now IN ADDITION to a few saved episodes of "Help, I peed out my baby!"

I also REEEEEEALY want to take my digital SLR to the Butterfly House at Cox Arboretum.

Now, doesn't that sound like fun?

Remember how I told you that I WANT TO WIN?

2009-08-06T08:00:00.000-04:00

THIS CONTEST is my destiny. You should be my friend. Because when I win, maybe I'll pick you to go on a swanky trip to LA.

Because getting my hairs did with my hubs, just doesn't sound like a winning combination.

Am I right ladies?

If you give a mouse a cookie, he can eat it at his desk

2009-08-05T13:23:00.007-04:00

I bought a new desk and my gorgeously handy husband assembled it for me IN THE NUDE.
It has DRAWERS to hide Le CRAP!

Then I realized that sometimes when I am at my desk, I get thirsty.

Drinks are quite the mess, right?

So I needed a coaster.

I *swooned* over coasters on Etsy for nearly an hour.

until I settled on these lovelies from Love My Coasters

I really need to stop reading design websites, because now I am trying to find a vintage toast rack to hold my letters and bills.

But unfortunately, Ebay thinks I need to pay $200 for it.

Treasure, Treasure in the sky, let a cheap one catch my eye.

The end.

Rain go away and don't come back, you bastard!

2009-08-04T13:56:00.005-04:00

Thunderstorms are crazy and last night was a doozie! I woke up at 5am to the snap-crackle-pop of thunder as lightening filled my room. Then the rain. SO MUCH rain! Whenever it rains I freak out a little. Our basement has flooded three times now (only ONCE due to rain) and I'm always scared to find our finished basement swimming in it's own contents. I sat very still and listened for the sump pump to kick on. Listening... Listening... Nothing. Our gutter on the backside of the house is broken so all I could hear was water dumping down off the house outside my bedroom window.

Finally I must have tired from listening and fell asleep. Then around 645, the power flickered - WHEW! Except then. OUT. The battery back up in our room started chirping, which was annoying enough to raise me out of bed to unplug it.

Just as I was about to resume the listening...I remembered the sump pump is powered by the electricity that we'd just lost. EFFF!

I fished around in the den for our flashlight (note, get new batteries for the flashlight, it's going dim) and ventured downstairs. It was light outside by now, of course, because I would NEVER EVER EVER venture down into the basement (where the killers are) in the nighttime. I shined my light down the black hole to look at the pump and the water level was fine. Then I heard water. Dripping. Like FAST dripping.

I looked up at the basement window and saw an avalanche of rain water cascading from the windowsill, onto the wall, onto the carpet. EFFFFF!! The window literally looked like a fishbowl, submerged in water (from the broken gutter) and the paint was peeling off the wall as the water trickled down. God what I would have given for five minutes with McGyver this morning. I needed a contraption to catch the water coming off of the ledge before it soaked the wall. I had no such invention. Instead, I placed a bucket as flush to the wall as I could to catch the water, while the rest soaked into the wall and carpet.

and then went upstairs to call the gutter man and pray for the rain to stop but apparently both God and the gutter man were out of the office this morning.

The power didn't come back on until 9:30am and there was no way I was going to work with wet hair. I rolled in about noon today.

I don't even think anyone noticed.

Bouncing here, and there, and everywhere, WE ARE THE GUMMIE BEARS!

2009-08-03T12:59:00.008-04:00

None of the etiquette books have quite ventured into the realm of social networking standards. I’m already particular about who I choose to friend on FB, and chances are if I didn’t like you then – I don’t like you now. Are you a band? IGNORE. Did we meet once at camp when I was eleven? IGNORE. Were you shagging my brother in high school? IGNORE. Did you pull a chair out from under me in the sixth grade? IGNORE.

Then there are people who I was kind of friends with, but not really, but curiosity uses BLUNT FORCE to DIRECT MY TYPING FINGER in the direction of: ACCEPT. Or the obligatory friend ACCEPT because I actually see you and you will ask my why we’re not FB friends yet. Ouch. Then once I friend some blast from the past and I’ve read that you married the kid that sat two rows behind me in history, found JESUS and your fecundity and now you’re posing for candids in the grass with matching jean shirts – I’m pretty much done looking at your page. HOWEVER, now I must see your CONSTANT evangelical updates splattered on my feeds.

So what do I do? I simply press : DELETE FRIEND.

Until, a month later I get ANOTHER FRIEND REQUEST that says this:

Hey Tam! I thought we were friends on here, but I looked and apparently we’re not anymore. I hope I didn’t say anything to offend you. If so please let me know, I’d like to talk about it. God bless!

GASP! SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHIT!

I contemplated typing: Actually, I’m Jewish and barren and your proselytizing/bible verses and parenting shenanigans are on my last nerve. Take Care, Tam.

Instead, I FRIENDED HER AGAIN and wrote this: Hey, no, my FB account had some technical difficulties. Sorry!

I HAVE NO BALLS!!!!!!!! I am a HUGE LOSER. This is SO NOT LIKE ME. I HATE MYSELF FOR EVEN ADMITTING TO THIS ON MY BLOG.

I then spent the next half hour trying to figure out how to delete said person's feeds from my homepage.

I also want to unfriend my Rabbi’s husband (oh the constant quizzes and sports related rants! I don’t care what your top five favorite cereals are OR that you’re watching a Reds game from behind third base!!)

This ON TOP of the "friends" whose requests I've IGNORED SEVEN TIMES!! Seriously, if I haven't friended you by now, STOP ASKING.

I might have to quit Facebook because people annoy me. Because of Facebook, I’m going to hell.

THEN I found 100,000 reasons to click on THIS AD in my Facebook sidebar. I’m totally opposed to these ads which seem to be SPECIFICALLY TAILORED TO ME (seriously, after I changed my status to “married” I started getting adds for how to increase my chances of conceiving a child, WTF?) but this picture explains it all.

Candy lovers rejoice! The Giant Gummy Bear on a Stick represents the most delicious candy confection that man has ever produced. Hand made (with gloves on) in the US, the Giant Gummy Bear is 88 times larger than a standard gummy bear. Each Giant Gummy Bear weighs half a pound and comes on a stick for easy, mess-free snacking.

My Favorite Things - Edition #14

2009-07-31T10:50:00.006-04:00

Can I tell you how much I love Key Lime Pie? Ooooh last night I had a slice that rocked my socks. Buttery, nutty graham crust with a tangy, tart and slightly sweet middle. OOOh and that dollop of decadent whip on top! MORE! MORE! MORE! Oh right, we’re at a fancy restaurant and not a trashy buffet, no one is wearing a hair net and the desserts don’t jiggle… no free refills. Le Sigh.

Every time I visit my birthday grandpa in Tampa I dream about Key Lime Pie on the plane. Once I’m off, I grab my rental car and drive straight to the Publix market. They TOTALLY have the best Key Lime Pie! It has a thick whipped cream around the edges with ALMOND SLIVERS embedded in it! Oh and it has that kind of tartness that makes your tongue gush and lips pucker. I always buy AN ENTIRE PIE (even though they sell it in halves and by the slice) and tell everyone I bought AN ENTIRE PIE because I want to share it. Although, I don’t really want to share it and I actually get violent when my aunt cuts herself a big ‘ol slice. She lives in Florida! Get off my PIE! She can have this pie WHENEVER! She’s usually drunk, so after she cuts it she forgets about it so I can scoop it up and hand her another glass of wine (out of a cardboard box with a spicket) and all’s well with the world. My pie, goes in my pie hole.

This one time, when I was in high school or something, Burger King even tried to sell Key Lime Pie AND I BOUGHT IT. It was one slice in a box that was shaped like a slice. It had a perforated edge that when you tugged on it, the top of the box flipped up to reveal... P I E! I ate the heck out of that pie, you bet I did. There's no shame in fast food pie.

Isn’t it weird that Key Lime Pie isn’t welcome at Thanksgiving? Like what did the pilgrims have against citrus? I have to settle for blueberry come November, because second to lime pie, blue pie is amazing. I also like how the crispy tops have little winky tear drops cut out where the gooey blueberry fill peaks out to say hello.

This blog was brought to you by our friends at... all blogs should be about PIE! I made that up, but seriously, pie is DE-LISH-ISH!

If I were a rich man

2009-07-30T16:42:00.005-04:00

So Mermanda said “urinal cakes” on my blog yesterday and I seriously had to LOL. Then I tried for about four minutes to imagine what one smells like. I’m not much for smelling toilet drains but I REALLY like the smell of cake. So that could be half good right?

What do you think about going to the movies alone? It’s kind of cool and okay right? I mean, while you’re at the movie, you’re not supposed to be engaging in camaraderie. Remember, because the commercial at the beginning with the talking cup tells you not to talk, text, have a baby, scream, breath or unwrap candy. I actually think the movies would appreciate it MORE if people went alone more often. I am going to start a “Going to the Movies Alone is Cool Club” except we won’t actually meet. We’ll just all go to separate movies and blog about how much fun it was. These are the movies I don't want to see with anyone (except myself) over the next few months...

The Ugly Truth

Time Travelers Wife

Julie & Julia

Tonight is restaurant week. Which means really expensive restaurants that we could never otherwise afford let us coupon clippers indulge in 3-course meals for $20.09 (2009, get it?). We can get dressed up and pretend like we’re are part of the upper class elite society while dining on fillet and washing it down with crème brulee. I’m going dressed as Posh Spice tonight and pray that the waitress doesn’t roll her eyes when she see’s my gnarled, un-manicured nails. We’ll pretend that husband is a real life doctor and balk about how we can’t possibly order a full bottle of wine and probably rather share a glass tonight because he has to get back to the hospital to save lives and cure cancer. AND, AHEM. YES, that is a Kroger Plus Card in my wallet and YES I need a box for this remaining piece of bread and lemon wedge.

My blueberries taste like Lysol again

2009-07-28T12:05:00.002-04:00

Remember as part of my new year’s resolutions I started using organic cleaners? So not kill my own brain cells? Right, well I did. Then yesterday some scruby guy started CLEANING our office. I say CLEANING IN CAPS because I never IN MY WHOLE LIFES have seen an office space scrubbed in this manner. Normally, I am a fervent advocate of such cleanliness and sanitation, however NOT in a confined space with six offices, ten cubicles AND NO VENTILATION! Yesterday he was here for FIVE HOURS! SPRAYING, SPRAYING, SPRAYING. He was wiping down the filing cabinets for shit sakes!! THEN I almost lost it on him, psycho style, when he started spraying some hideous smelling chemical cleaner INTO THE AIR! He said this would “cover up” the smell of the other god awful things he was spraying.

The whole thing made me want to VOM all afternoon. Thankfully he took his cleaning kart and left.

UNTIL TODAY WHEN HE WAS BACK!! SPRAYING, SPRAYING, SPRAYING!! I don’t know what he’s trying to procrastinate from doing, but wildly spraying cleaner in our work space is not a good use of his time, IMO. I actually hate him now. I HAVE CHOSEN not to subject myself to cleaners at home and now I am being forced to breath cleaning products for TWO DAYS STRAIGHT.

Yes. This is a rant. Yes, I’m losing my mind. Did I mention that we have to put in a special request for our office to be vacuumed? There is a crusty piece of lunch that has been sitting on the carpet under my desk for six months and then this guy shows up WITHOUT A VACUUM but armed with seventy spray bottles?? It’s like he used to work at the mall spraying perfume on people, but now has this job instead.

My friend S (who has her own office and is mostly away from the fumes) says I should do one of three things:

1) Ask him if he has some organic cleaners or at least something less offensive
2) Ask him to be done because there is no ventilation in our offices
3) Call his boss and ask her if he can be done

All of these options SOUP-ER SUCK if you ask me. How can I ask him to stop subjecting ME to toxins when it’s HIS JOB to subject HIMSELF to toxins? It’s not like I’m better, I’m just bitchier and winy-ier and cleaner dislike-ier. Those are all words, so shut up.

I just want to SCREAM and run around like that whacked out chick with the frizzy hair who just took a shower and spiders came out of the spout and started laying eggs IN HER FACE. I’m that girl right now! Where’s my mind? Because I’m pretty sure I just lost it.

Give my body to science. But don’t let those skeezy medical students grab my dead boobs.

I got my Celtic on!

2009-07-27T11:10:00.006-04:00

This weekend was totally a snoozer. Like, mostly because I took a lot of naps.

Friday night after taking a long snore on the couch while hubby changed all the locks on our house (I totally saw a special on the Today show about lock bumping and he actually humored me) ALL BY HIMSELF (YAY!), we went downtown to the Celtic Festival. Can you say *amazing* fish and chips? Yes. It was awesome. Also the girl was SOUP-ER nice to me and threw in TWO fried pickles FOR FREE! We ate our fried goodness, mine drenched in vinegar ::nom nom::, while we listened to some Celtic music. Did you know I was totally into Celtic music? I am. I am. Not like 24/7, but like, for a treat. The NPR station here airs a special on Saturday afternoons that if I’m lucky enough to be in the car, I can tune in for some Celtic love.

Have you ever seen P.S. I Love You? Well if you want to cry your eyes out for hours, AND HOURS, see it. But you will also hear an adorable song by Mundy called Galway Girl. It will rock your socks off and make you love Celtic music and Gerard Butler *swoon*

Speaking of my socks, they got rocked on Saturday morning AT 8AM when I taught cycling. I wasn't feelin' it at 6:45am when my alarm went off, but let me tell you, it was worth it (and allowed me to eat McDonald's for lunch).

The rest of the weekend was a blur of naps and chores. Rain and sun. Fruit and yogurt.

I watched Big Brother and reminded myself that I HATE JESSE AND NATALIE! Ew. You're ruining my summer people! AND none of my friends are watching BB this season so it totally sucks that I cannot vent to them about the show. I did talk to my cat about it last night, she wants Jordon to win but wasn't much for chatting about the drama.

The weekend ended with husband and I watching yet another riving marathon of "Help! I peed out my baby!" on TLC. Disappointingly, there were no toilet babies. What's the use of watching that show if NO ONE pees out the baby?

Then I saw a preview for Jon minus Kate and I turned off the television. Forever.

The end.

My Favorite Things - Edition #13

2009-07-24T10:48:00.008-04:00

I've found some pretty things this week on the internets - thought I'd share them!

Tired of Tupperware and Pampered Chef? Can't quite afford Silpada? Stella & Dot has some ADORABLE pieces!

Check out the special being offered HERE!

Fun things from Fred Flare - I'm keeping my eye on this sunny dress and salty birds!

And for those of you who have always wanted a Saved By the Bell water bottle or Dunder Mifflin I.D. tag. Check out the 5 for $20 sale! AND get Free Shipping no minimum with code SHIP5FREE or ship5free

Husband and I are off to explore the Celtic Festival this weekend!

Happy Friday my lovelies!

This dance was amazing.

2009-07-23T23:00:00.001-04:00

*post edit* They keep taking the YouTube links down for copyright infringement. JUST POST THE VIDEO ON YOUR SITE THEN IDIOTS!!

The Summer I fell in love with Jesus

2009-07-22T11:37:00.006-04:00

I know, I know, you're thinking the title of this post is my release from the bonds of Judaism after Brit tried to join the tribe yesterday. But no, rest assured, I still love matzo ball soup. This post is brought to you courtesy of 20 Something Bloggers BLOG SWAP. It was a perfect match, as we both heart theater and poop jokes! Be sure to check out my "Summer Memories" post over at i fall down alot

Please give a big [lots of comments] welcome to IRIS!

I consider myself to be agnostic, yet I love, love, love Godspell. I don't know quite why. Maybe it's the hand-clapping. Maybe it's the juice given out at intermission. Maybe it's the goofy golly-gee-ness of it all. Or maybe it's because one summer I fell in love with Jesus.

No, this is not a story about how I became a Christian. While I have nothing against Jesus--I think he's a pretty wonderful guy--this is actually a story about how I fell in love with a boy playing Jesus in a summer stock production of Godspell.

I'd been working as an usher at Timberlake Playhouse that summer, which meant I passed out programs, led people to their seats, and then watched the show for free. This was my perfect job, except for the whole no paycheck thing.

Godspell was the opening show of the season, and I was allowed to watch the final dress rehearsal since before the season began I'd spent an entire afternoon sweeping away leaves and shoveling dead raccoons out of the actors' cabins. Allowing me to watch a dress rehearsal was the least they could do. Well, they could have offered to pay for a rabies shot, but I was fourteen and in love with theater and I was unaware of the dangers of dead raccoons, so I didn't press the issue.

And after they discovered I was a trumpet player, they asked if they could borrow mine for the part of the production when John the Baptist blows the shofar to get everyone to shut up and come to order. Or at least that's what the director told me. I had no idea what he was talking about, other than the fact that something I owned was going to be used on stage, which I found incredibly exciting (dork alert).

So that's how I came to be watching the dress rehearsal of a show I knew nothing about except for the fact that some dude was going to spit into my trumpet. As you may or may not know, show begins with the Prologue, or, the tower of Babel song. I was incredibly fascinated by the slow layering of melodies and the intricate shapes the actors formed as they sang, much like the movement of a marching band spelling out the name of the football team. I was a huge klutz (still am) so watching people sing and move at the same time blew my mind.

Then my big moment--my trumpet was played, and shortly thereafter, Jesus made his big entrance with his first song, "Save the People."

I was filled with a decidedly unholy, yet innocent, longing for Jesus as soon as he appeared, and that longing increased the longer he sang. Jesus was played by a boy around eighteen, with curly blond hair and a cherubic face, replete with a sweet persimmon of a mouth. His costume emphasized the light and brightness of his character: a pair of overalls that started orange near the bottom of the legs and faded up to yellow at the top of the bib. I believe his shoes were yellow chuck taylors. When he sang those words, "Flowers of thy heart, O God, are they," I wanted to be the flower of his heart, this beautiful boy with the clear, pure voice and big eyes.

Immediately in love, I was intensely jealous of the actress who sang "Day by Day", with her innocent flirtation with Jesus; I wanted to be her, singing to him. During "Turn Back, O' Man," when the girl who sang that song flirted with Jesus in a decidedly un-innocent way, I was equally horrified and envious. During "By My Side," as she, this stand-in for me, this girl I wanted to be so I could be close to the object of my affection, sang: "Oh please, take me with you/ Let me skip the road with you/ I can dare myself/ I'll put a pebble in my shoe/ And watch me walk/ I can walk", I had a new understanding of love-- of the pain that you will gladly suffer at times to be with the one you love. In my young life, I'd had an idea of love that I'd culled from movies and television shows, none of which had explored the painful, darker side of love--the shadows you sometimes must walk through to get to the light.

The second act began with Jesus being wheeled in inside a wheelbarrow, and he sang the song "Beautiful City", an undisputed ballad. When he sang that we could build a beautiful city, I imagined that he was singing to me, and the beautiful city would be a perfect place where he and I would live together in perfect, blissful happiness (remember, I was fourteen, a completely besotted schoolgirl).

The rest of the summer I was thrilled any time I saw the actor--Michael--who'd played Jesus. I watched the other shows he was in, but none of the roles he played impressed me as much as his Jesus. I never acted on my love for him...I was only fourteen, with terribly low self-esteem, so I just loved him unrequitedly from afar, as I'd done so many times before and since. Even though we never even talked, I still would like to thank him for teaching the young girl that I was quite a bit about love, loss, and yes, how to dance and sing at the same time.

Thank you, nice Jesus. For everything.

Britney's converting to Judaism

2009-07-21T13:07:00.003-04:00

Lots of people convert to Judaism, so I can't exactly say it's an exclusive club. But I can't imagine a single club, pertaining to anything - let alone religion, that would admit BSpears. Perhaps Narcotics Anonymous, but that's more of a group and a club.

Andy Borowitz wrote a hilarious piece in the New Yorker about Brit's new found quest to join the tribe and documenting it all in her Shalom, diary.

You don’t have to call Jewish people “Jewish people.” It turns out they don’t mind being called plain old “Jews.” LOL.

...I think dating a Jew makes you partly Jewish, and the hotter the Jew the more points. Dating Jason wins me two points (tho I would get way more if I was dating that über-hot Jew in Maroon 5). Dating someone you met on JDate and basically just settled for gets you no points. (Snap!!!)

...Jews aren’t supposed to answer the doorbell on Saturdays.” And I’m like, “Hello, isn’t that the Amish?” He seriously needs to check his facts!!! Anyway, I’m donezo with this whole Jewish thing.

I can't take this seriously, so I'm going to pretend it's not happening. I can't wait until John Stewart gets a hold of this one...

ha! remember when my obnoxious cousin thought I was Mormon or a member of the Jackson family?

**ALSO! ALSO! Tune in tomorrow when I blog swap with Iris as part of 20 Something Bloggers BLOG SWAP**

Sandy, chickens and all that Jazz

2009-07-20T09:57:00.005-04:00

I've been telling you about our list serve at work, right? Well this Monday morning Sandy has more entertaining news from down on the farm!

"I have an American Bulldog for sale. Jazz is a good dog. She is house broken, kennel trained, no problem with children. Jazz is a little over a year. We do not have papers on her - but she is 100% American Bulldog.

The only problem we have with Jazz is she likes FRESH CHICKEN and she chases our other livestock - so therefore we must find a home for her.

Jazz has been fixed. I am asking the $165 it cost to get her fixed or replacement of the 8 chickens she ate."

and if you're wondering... YES. She's completely serious.

Read more about Sandy

HERE

HERE

and HERE

My Favorite Things - Edition #12

2009-07-17T16:25:00.004-04:00

What am I loving lately?

I am loving ETSY and all of the amazing sellers. How can they all be THIS sweet? I heart free gifts and hand written notes!

This week I bought this inspiring YELLOW delight from HERE for the guest room

I am loving the new Fudgsicle Triple Chocolate Bars

dark chocolate, Yes Please!

60 little calories, Yes Please!

*swoon* *swoon* *swoon*

And, as usual, the thing I am loving on the most right now?

My husband. Because have I told you lately that he's awesome?

Well he is.

Shabbat Shalom!

Happy Weekend.

The big problem is to find suitable hats. I don't care for them all that much, but you have to wear them in politics

2009-07-15T10:09:00.007-04:00

Just in case you are wondering...

I was not up all night at the cinema with Harry's Potter.

I DO, I DO, I DO hope Nick and Jessica get back together.

My trip to MEXICO is in ONE MONTH!

I look like a Puffalump in my new [married] passport picture.

I get so much satisfaction out of "mark all as read" each morning, YouHaveNoIdea.

my kitty gets her hair did this weekend.

I'm. pasty. Like Elmer's glue pasty with a carrot colored top.

and last night at 10pm I decided I needed a newsboy hat like the blond girl on Big Brother.

So I used my shopping finger to order this from Wet Seal

"Once I read a story about a butterfly in the subway, and today, I saw one. It got on at 42nd, and off at 59th, where, I assume it was going to Bloomingdales to buy a hat that will turn out to be a mistake - as almost all hats are." - You've Got Mail

We want a pitcher not a belly itcher (er,uh, what?)

2009-07-14T23:03:00.006-04:00

I'm sorry, but this guy looks just plain hot in Asics and baggy denim.

woot woot Mr. President!

I love this!

2009-07-14T20:52:00.004-04:00

By Thomas Paul

Actually THIS ENTIRE STORE is so awesome. I just spent an hour on this site and I covet it all!

I still need to win something. Any ideas?

2009-07-14T08:00:00.002-04:00

Remember how I told you that most people abandon their resolutions by the end of January? I'm still plugging away... 15 of 50 isn't too bad.

1. ~~Delete my MySpace account~~

2. Spend way too much money on a fancy brunch

3. Bake an apple pie

4. ~~Register everyday for the HGTV dream home (contest ends 2/19/09)~~

5. Go to a BINGO night

6. Pay off my Discover card

7. ~~Donate books to a vagina charity~~

8. Study for the GRE

9. ~~Get an ‘A’ in my biostatistics course~~

10. See a sports medicine doctor for my knee

11. Organize my CDs

12. ~~Play more Wii~~

13. Go to a wine tasting

14. Snuggle

15. Know Shabbat prayers from memory

16. Get new carpet

17. Keep up with current events

18. ~~Switch to biodegradable cleaning products~~

19. Wear shimmery lip gloss

20. Have something published

21. Give someone a second chance

22. Dance with my husband

23. ~~Be on time for something~~

24. Organize my computer area

25. Learn to use iTunes and photo editing software

26. Do 100 push ups

27. Read more books (sTORI Telling) and keep track of them

28. Go on a girls vacation with my friends possibly.to.the.beach

29. Clip coupons

30. ~~Eat more dairy, soy and protein~~

31. Play ski ball

32. Own a necklace with a sparrow on it

33. Keep a secrete

34. Hand write notes to friends and family

35. ~~Get rid of my mail catalogs~~

36. Be patient with husband’s schedule

37. ~~Floss more~~

38. ~~Get a fancy banner for my blog~~

39. Take the GRE

40. Apply to DrPH programs

41. Think before I speak

42. ~~Frame some wedding photos~~

43. Paint my nails navy blue

44. Win something

45. Give handmade holiday gifts

46. Ski

47. ~~hang out with my mom~~

48. ~~Have my veil preserved~~

49. ~~Wean myself off of Us Weekly~~

50. Use more lotion

Works in progress:

Hubs and I just started 100 push ups program - um, OUCH.

Working on the iTunes/photo sofware

#27 MEXICO BABY!!

#28 MEXICO BABY!!

I'm working on the Discover Card

#44 I didn't win the HGTV dream home, the basketball bracket or the Glamour magazine contest. I won a free ice cream from THIS, but that doesn't count as winning because, in the end, they gave out coupons to everyone. I suck at winning...

And #38... instead of paying someone to design a fancy blog header, I designed one myself!!

Tell me, DO YOU LIKE IT??

A-W-E-S-O-M-E, awesome, awesome, TO-TALLY!

2009-07-13T12:00:00.004-04:00

This morning I had to sift through a sea of High School cheerleaders attending spirit camp just to make my way to the building. The memories came rushing back. The skirts, the chants, the fighting and bickering. Every summer from middle school through high school I spent yelling and jumping - filled with school spirit and nasty camp food.

I was a cheerleader and everything that went with it.

Friday night football games were the highlight of my week. Dancing and shouting under the lights for those TIGERS. Then afterward we'd have a potluck with the team and I'd drive off to party in my 1990 blue ford probe listening to "Friday Night 80's" on the radio. Every time I hear Raspberry Baret, I can almost taste the Marlboro lights and boons farm. I was a straight A, honor student - but on Friday nights, in my purple skirt, I was every stereotypical thing a cheerleader should be. Am I proud of this? No. But I am invigorated by the memories of my youth (and thankful that my behavior had limited influence on my life and brain cells). Very few of my college memories involve partying, I guess you could say I got it out of my system early. Have boobs, will party. This is the reason my husband swears if we ever have a daughter, she can do ANYTHING EXCEPT CHEER.

I give him the 'ol "I cheered and I turned out just fine!"

He says my case is extraordinary.

I tend to agree with him.

Piano it is then.

GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO TEAM!

Hello Kitty

2009-07-11T23:08:00.000-04:00

My Favorite Things - Edition #11

2009-07-10T13:02:00.003-04:00

I love Chick-fil-a because I always drive away with a tall icy Caffeine Free Diet Coke. One of the only places that has a soft drink that I can partake in.

But today I loved it for two reason.

First because of the coke.

And second, because the sight of this made me laugh out loud.

Cow Appreciation Day

Hmm, people dressed as cows [in middle America] for free food?

Doesn't seem like a stretch...

If the pages are glossy, it's meant to be read in the bathtub

2009-07-10T10:39:00.008-04:00

In addition to my mounting stacks of Working Mother Magazine (wtf?) - I counted last night six months of unread Redbook AND Marie Claire, four months of Money magazine,and a partridge in a pear tree.

I've been *hrumphing* over my subscriptions, the carbon footprint from which would wipe out New Hampshire and sea lions, respectivly.

EveryDay Food (omg I love you little book)

US Weekly (WAY over it. Kate had 8 and Heidi Montag have completely ruined my love of all things celeb)

Redbook (over it)

Marie Claire (it was free, and sometimes interests me)

Money (boring but has good financial advice)

Working Mother Magazine (again, wtf?)

In addition to the half dozen alumni magazines my husband and I have sent in our names.
[Note: 350K+ in debt entitles you to LOTS of magazines and solicitation calls. I feel sorry for the people who are forced to call our house, the conversations never go well for them. I basically talk them out of formalized education and tell them to join the circus where the money is undoubtedly better AND you get to maintaining your flexibility. I fork out a mortgage-sized school loan payment every month and can barely touch my toes. Case studies are important my friends.]

The thought of throwing away unread magazines sends chills up my spine, so I'm forced to either magically develop speed reading skills (pleasepleaspleasplease) - OR, find a better way to organize them.

I've decided I'm going to tame that tower of glossies by invoking my powers of creativity... courtesy of one of the design blogs I heart!

And if my mailbox weren't full enough, I covet Dwell, but have the good sense not to subscribe, at least until my Redbook runs out...

It was worse than Darfur, it was Darfive

2009-07-09T12:08:00.002-04:00

OMG it's so funny how even Matt Lauer is giggling! Brilliant!

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

There's something facinating about watching conjoined twins shave

2009-07-07T12:28:00.004-04:00

Summer is reason enough to cancel the cable, there’s plenty to do outside and your favorite shows are on hiatus while the stars flaunt their bikini bodies in Los Cabos.

...that is, unless you are ME and you indulge in trashy television year-round. TLC re-runs of “Help! I peed out my baby” can keep me entertained when nothing else is palpable. You can’t watch quality shows like that without cable people. Current fave: Tori & Dean Home Sweet Hollywood. This coming from the girl who actually CRIED during the last episode of 90210 and owned both seasons of Nick and Jessica on DVD… it’s really no surprise that this show appeals to me. Tori’s GAY BEST FRIENDS (aka: “husbands” or “guncles”) totally rock and remind me of my Scott. Her daughter Stella (aka: “bug”) is cute enough to eat WITH A SPOON and he naughty son Liam (aka: “Monkey”) helps me to justify why beating a child every once in a while might actually be okay. He husband adores her and she has a totally dysfunctional relationship with her crazy mom. Who wouldn’t like this show? Granted she dramatizes motherhood like none other and acts like she deserves a medal for just managing to get two kids in their car seats – but I’m sure it’s tough being a celebrity. I mean, I think we normal people have extra genes that they aren’t privy to.

But this week, I’m clearing the steamy episodes of The Tudors and new episodes of T&D off my DVR to make room for my ultimate summer indulgence. BIG.BROTHER. Judge me now people because this show is awesome! I’ve seriously watched it EVERY summer and it gives me something to look forward to THREE TIMES A WEEK! Oh Julie Chen, you are entirely too skinny and whoever wrecks havoc on your wardrobe for, well everything, needs to be fired. But I love the bitchyness, the carefully choreographed blanket make out sessions, the slop-eating drama, the token “oldie”, the shrinking table, the dirty nights in the hot tub…I could go on and on and on. I’ve even kept my Showtime subscription long after The Tudors season 3 to watch BB After Dark. I have a lot of time on my hands and with a pretty uneventful life; Big Brother is where it’s at.

I might even have to subscribe to live feeds from Mexico.

And if after reading this post you have lost all respect for me. Well, then you haven’t been reading this blog very long.

Then end.

STOP SAYING "APP" !!! JUST STOP!!!!

2009-07-06T20:28:00.004-04:00

Husband: Just so you know, not getting a Palm Pre or an iPhone is the most I've ever technologically neglected myself.

Husband: Why aren't you answering me?

Me: [reaching for the computer]

Husband: What are you doing?

Me: I'm writing that on my blog. Because it's just that ridiculous.

Husband: I'm serious though...

Me: I know, which is why I am not responding to it.

Dependence Day!

2009-07-04T07:00:00.000-04:00

Happy July 4th!

HAPPY 1st ANNIVERSARY BABE!

Marrying A Medical Student: The Final Chapter

2009-07-03T07:00:00.000-04:00

The night before our wedding we had a cocktail party at the hotel - a precelebration. Featured drink: 'Tamtini'. We snuck up to the suite to exchange wedding gifts just after 11pm. The days leading up to the wedding had us spinning with out of town guests, rehearsals, bachelor/ette parties, and final details. With friends and family waiting downstairs we knew we only had a few moments alone. And in those moments... we fell asleep.

PART ONE

PART TWO

Marrying A Medical Student: Part Three

With medical school in full swing we were living the dream, but it wasn’t easy. Like the day he studied for 14 hours while I remembered his dad’s birthday, did all of the laundry, went to the grocery store, lunched with friends, paid the bills, made him a dentist appointment and did it all with a headache and a paper cut. I spent that year studying Hebrew and attending classes to complete my Jewish conversion. I began teaching second graders the aleph bet on Sundays at temple. I kept up with the house and spent time with the cat while medical school pushed him to learn the highest volume of information the quickest pace you could ever imagine. Sometimes even the mundane jargon of everyday life got lost in the shuffle. I remember one evening, while grilling hamburgers, he looked at me and said, “Hey can you hand me the yogurt so I can flip these.” Without pausing I handed him a spatula and wondered how medical school could turn a grilling utensil into a probiotic pudding and my beloved into a zombie. There were mornings that he left to prepare for class long before I was awake, and I was dead asleep by the time he came home from studying. My serendipitous job attainment at the university meant that we were in the same building for most of the day. So early on, after days without seeing each other, we decided to have lunch dates. We met up each afternoon to spend a little time together. We would eat in the cafeteria amongst the bustling undergraduates and I would brief him on current events and he would vent about his upcoming exams. Over time, I learned to decode his sentences, work around his study schedule, cook edible food and respect that being a medical student was a full time job, and the endless hours he spent in the basement of a library were equally as important as the ones I spent working three jobs.

The summer after his first year of medical school, he proposed to me overlooking the ocean on the Oregon coast where he grew up. He fumbled with his words and reached into his pocket to present me with the diamond that belonged to his late mother. A woman I had never met, but who raised him to be the man that was standing before me stripped of all his brains and confidence, simply asking me to be with him forever. That day I said yes a million times over, cried tears of joy and felt a rush of excitement, the rush of commitment.

We gave ourselves eleven months to plan our Fourth of July wedding. The date chosen less out of our love for American independence and more out of scheduling necessity; we would wed two weeks after the medical boards and two weeks before he would start his clinical rotations. We laughed at the irony coining it, “Dependence Day.” I gathered magazines and played every minute of what it would be like again and again in my mind. When I was little, as most girls do, I would always picture my wedding day. I pictured the flowers, a poofy beaded dress, and my hair all done up nice and fancy. I would see myself dancing and laughing and cutting a towering white cake. All of these things were my idea of a wedding; but there was never a groom. Looking back it made perfect sense because, my dreams, much like everything in my life at that time, were about me. And then, I started picturing my wedding to this man, the tall broad chested know-it-all who sat next to me in graduate school. But I couldn’t see the flowers or the dress anymore – all I could see was him. I dreamt of him standing there at the end of the aisle waiting for me, and then us standing together, confessing our love in front of all of the people who we love and love us. I began to set the stage for our wedding, planning out every last detail on a shoestring budget. I wanted our wedding day to reflect who were as individuals and as a couple; his Jewish upbringing and my sentimental style. We wanted all of our loved ones to travel to the city in which we had built our young life. We wanted them to eat at the places we had shared romantic dinners in and sit in the reclining chairs of our temple where we had rediscovered faith together.

For six months, I worked on my vows each morning on my way to work. He committed to me by the ocean with unfettered words on bended knee. I wanted my words to echo what my heart had been telling me for the past five years: He is what you have wished for all of your life. With tears welling up in my eyes during each commute, I would recite out loud all of the reasons that I loved him. Things I always knew but never really told him.

“I treasure your advice; and whether I take it or not, I always grow from it.”
“You encourage me to speak my mind, even when it’s you I don’t agree with.”
“I have gone from someone who attacked the counter with Lysol at the mere idea of salmonella to a woman who stirs raw meatloaf with her bare hands.”

I hurried into work and jotted down my thoughts as I pieced them together. I wanted to tell our story. I wanted to tell him that he has made me a better person, because our love for one another is reflected in the way I live my life. With this man I felt more alive, more capable and more beautiful than I had ever known. A classmate, a teacher, a medical student, a son – he was so many things to so many people and soon he would be a husband to only me. There was not a dry eye in the room when I told him how I felt about him on our wedding day. I wept with joy because in that moment I realized the true meaning of commitment. In new-aged courtships, the etiology of a marriage is often years of togetherness, cohabitation and premarital responsibility to the nth degree. Lost are the traditions of brides over thresholds and wedding night jitters. In many ways our twenty-first century cart was before the horse. But on Dependence Day 2008, we met for the first time under the chuppah and walked out connected in a different and unexplainable way. My vows didn’t even say I love you, until the very end. This common salutation finished off the deepest cries of my heart on the most important day of my life.

I am applying to go back to school to obtain a terminal degree in my field. I will have married a doctor and become a doctor fulfilling both my mother’s dream and my own. I know now that feminism and misogyny don’t have anything to do with being a loving wife, and if it is your night to have dinner on the table, well then it had better be good. If you ask my mom, she will tell you that she is proud of me and of the man I have married and that through our journey, two stronger people have evolved. He’s not a rich doctor just yet, but every single moment of this life we’ve built together makes me proud to be his partner. I know our story is far from a fairy tale but I can’t help but think it is something special that anyone can have if they work for it. We are married because orange Jeeps and charismatic muscle heads were never enough for me. We are married today because of our friendship and two year’s worth of lunches together in the university cafeteria. We’re married because both of us committed to the complicated journey that is the medical profession, even if it does result in putting family second sometimes. We’re married because we worked hard for everything we have and somehow, early on, we knew that we were going to spend the rest of our lives making us work.

It’s funny how I eventually found myself taking my mother’s advice. I guess mothers do know best. I cannot wait to see what the future has in store for us. I see days filled with kids and travel but I am sure there is more beyond the scope of what I can imagine. Because I married my medical student and each day that passes is more than I ever could have dreamed of.

Part Two

2009-07-02T11:04:00.007-04:00

This morning I pulled our cake topper out of the freezer to thaw. I had never opened the box and as I lifted the lid, I could not help but smile. Surrounding the cake were some of the flowers from our wedding, frozen, but the petals were soft. I pulled out a cream rose and twirled it around in my fingers. My happiest memories were made on that day and this rose was part of it all.

PART ONE

Marrying A Medical Student: Part Two

We had an unconventional start. We were friends before benefits, which was a first for me, but we built on that foundation. He told me that I wasn’t a republican and I told him that his clothes never matched. We began to think about the future, a future that would have to involve jobs and bills. A grown-up future that was, at that point in time, looking somewhat bleak. He wasn’t accepted to medical school so he took a teaching job an hour away. After suffering through eight months of unemployment I decided that living together, albeit in sin, was better than being lonely and broke. My six year bachelorette hiatus was up and as we donated two boxes of unused body lotion to a gay and lesbian shelter to make room for his razor in the medicine cabinet, I realized I was entering into an uncharted stage of commitment with great hesitation and a pinch of excitement.

It was actually a pretty fulfilling time; I found a job with a reproductive rights organization and he taught suburban tenth graders about evolution and mitosis. We were able to pay the bills and travel. He golfed and I was involved with a local community theater. We volunteered for causes we believed in because our time and able bodies were the only expendable resources we had. We reveled in our adult relationship, yet embraced the future with a sense of uncommitted individuality. It had been a year and my heart was content when I first whispered that four letter word that begins with “L.” His response: “Thank you.” I was crushed and somewhat discouraged. I let my guard down after unequivocally promoting him to live-in-boyfriend status, and now, no confirmation in return. But despite my disappointment, I was not interested in moving back in with my parents or having to explain to yet another guy that yes, I sometimes listen to rap music and why I hate cheese on my salad. I wasn’t going to throw away the potential I saw in him because he wasn’t ready to utter three monosyllabic words. He wasn’t ready. So for two years my heart’s confessions continued to elicit a congenial, but unattached response.

I remember the day he told me he loved me for the first time. I remember because it was the day I was leaving for Chicago for a business trip. We had been together for over two years and I felt like I waited forever to hear the word love, nestled softly between I and you. Instead, just as I left for the airport he blurted them out quick and sharp almost as if they had been said a million times before. I remember being furious at him for saying it at such an inopportune time. No magic. No tears. As I sat on the plane casually flipping through the free magazines of things nobody needs or wants, my colleague casually asked if I had a good morning. “Yeah, I guess.” I answered nonchalantly,“...my boyfriend said I love you for the first time, I think.” I was so rushed with the panic of traveling alone to a city I had never been to before, I had no time to absorb the highly anticipated moment that I had wished for over the course of our relationship.

Six months later, my fully committed boyfriend was accepted to medical school, quit his job and made an offer on a three bedroom ranch with a basement. We never discussed the rushed ‘I love you’ and it became a common salutation. Somehow the short phrase that I waited so long to hear was simply uttered before hanging up the phone on my way home from work. I guess at that point, felt like commitment was more than a salutation. Commitment was found in the life changes that we were about to make, a house, medical school, and me as the bread-winner. I got a job at the medical school doing research and using my degree. We missed having extra money to eat out, so when my cycling instructor left to have her second baby, I began teaching the class. The former independent warrior inside of me roared at this new opportunity to embrace the “sugar mamma” gender role, but the traditional ideals of society had me taken aback with doubts of investing in an uncommitted future. I thought about my mother’s aspirations of me marrying a doctor. Although it was a long time ago, I was pretty sure she mentioned he would be rich and thinking back, she never said anything about scraping by with a poor medical student. She never said, “Honey I want you to find a great guy with a great job and then support him when he quits his job to incur a quarter-million dollars in debt to become part of a service profession that may result in putting family second.”

My sweet mom, the wife of a police sergeant, knows all too well about occupational necessity of putting family second. No one can ever prepare you for what your life will be like, no matter how hard they try. They can give you advice, offer up little hints and antiquated epithets beginning with “When your dad and I first met…” But no one from either of our humble middle-class upbringings could offer up a realistic perspective into what this new journey would be like. Simply, “It’s probably going to be hard.”

If it was going to be hard, I needed some reassurance. Not in the form of a ring, but I wanted to see his future with me in it long after the tests were taken and patients were cured. We laid in bed late on the eve of his first day of class, a year after he rushed through his I-love-you, and he told me the story about why he chose that particular morning to tell me his feelings. He told me he laid awake the night before my trip thinking about how I was nervous to travel alone and how he wished he could be with me to help me navigate the airport and the big city. He said that he wanted so badly to take away my fear and replace it with confidence and that was the night he realized what he had been feeling was undeniably love. The night he told me that story was the night that I saw my future. I realized the silent support he provided me was one of the reasons I chose him. He embraced my fears as his own, yet he let me face them myself and become a stronger person in the process. With this man standing beside me I was slowly becoming a confident traveler, and furthermore a more articulate professional, and loving partner.

To be continued...

"My Real-Life Story"

2009-07-01T12:32:00.008-04:00

This is an essay I submitted to a Glamour magazine contest last year. They were announcing the winners today and apparently I didn't win. I've decide that although it will not grace the glossy pages of a gossip read, it is the story that started this blog; the story that changed my life. And with my 1st wedding anniversary three (THREE) days away, I decided I would share it with you. In three parts.

Marrying a Medical Student: Part One

A mother’s words are to be treasured and serve as a baseline from which to follow or rebel. In my case, as I would assume happens most cases, I did a little bit of both. When I was a little girl my mother gave me lots of advice: don’t take your gum out of your mouth and wrap it around your forefinger, always try your best at everything, sing out, a handwritten note is always welcomed with a smile, and amongst other things, she told me to grow up and marry a rich doctor. In high school I grew into my breast buds and embraced the feminist ideals which drove a silent wedge between my mother’s life and what I hoped to be. She worked a full time job, yet always managed to have dinner on the table and my father’s starched shirts hanging on the brass door handle each night. I wanted more. Armed with a firm desire to shed any trace of this misogynistic phenotype, I rejected my mother’s marital advice and decided that instead, I would be the doctor my mother wanted me to marry. I denounced the antiquated notion of “marrying up” and vowed to build my own success with nothing but my brains, fiery red hair and determination.

I went away to college after breaking up with my high school sweetheart who made up for what he lacked in the brains department with muscles and charisma. With him I was aiming not for a doctor but more so for eye candy, if that’s a profession. I wanted to start this chapter of my single life as far away from my X-Y counterparts as possible. But for this to hold true, I should have gone to a convent because with college came delicious options and parent-free living. I took a carefree approach to my newfound independence and avoided settling down at all costs. I dated in the quintessential you’re-hot-and-I’m-single sort of way. And if an orange Jeep just happened to be parked outside my midwest bachelorette-pad, you might catch him blush as he strolled out just before the sun came up. After all, I needed my beauty rest and fembot booty calls or not, I was focused. Focused on achieving what very few people in my family had achieved – a bachelor’s degree and a mortgage-sized school loan payment.

I proudly reached that milestone and entered into graduate school maintaining my academic determination and unattached focus. But once the monotony of class and thesis work set in, I finally agreed to go out with a bouncer from a local piano bar. Although he didn’t drive an orange Jeep, I figured a “steady” might help me to connect with my 20-something femininity and liven up my social calendar. It was during this graduate school, bouncer-fling stage that I met my match. He sat next to me in population health class; a tall broad chested know-it-all who wore the same fleece pullover and Duke Basketball t-shirts every week. A guy that was so smart I wanted to punch him in the face but so glib that I’d never give him the satisfaction. Each day to class he brought with him, perfectly straight teeth, gorgeous blue eyes and an advanced and quick-witted vocabulary. Now this guy, I was attracted to.

One day my blue-devil-loving classmate passed me a piece of paper that read: Congratulations! You have been accepted into the Masters of Education Program.“ Are you dropping out of the public health program?” I fretted in the calmest voice I could muster.“No, I just thought teaching would be something solid to fall back on” he replied. Oh thank goodness, I thought. He’s not misdirected, he’s an overachiever.

Over the next two years I watched him sleep through class and kill me on tests, his brilliance ever so annoying but always a turn on. He worked at a swanky restaurant; fulfilled his student teaching requirements at a local elementary school and wrote not one, but two thesis papers. He applied to every high school science position in a 100-mile radius and every medical school in the state. He also eventually applied to be my boyfriend, my real life committed boyfriend. He was accepted with flying colors. With a humble determination that surpassed my own and an unyielding belief that everything in life was within reach, he slipped into my life and began to wedge himself into every thread of my being.

To be continued...